Teen sailor Abby Sunderland missing at sea

Parent Cafe
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<p>I can definitely understand how there could be familial pressure in a situation like this where they are a self proclaimed “big sailing family.” I come from a big equestrian family. My grandma is a retired trainer who is very well known in the sport, and my dad is presently working in the horse show management industry. People I have never seen before approach me to beg me to get my grandma to teach them. Everyone in my immediate family rides competitively, as well as my entire extended family on my dad’s side. People I have never seen before know my name. It’s really, really weird. The question was never if I would compete, but when. After all, everyone before me had done it. It was expected. And I would not only compete, but in the same events that the rest of them did, and I would compete at the same level. This is what we do. This is my family’s identity. It never even occurred to me to go against it. And why would I have wanted to? The attention that stems from being in one of these kinds of families is rather exciting when you’re a kid, and I wasn’t even getting any media attention or even any attention at all outside of the sport. Imagine being a Sunderland.</p>

<p>I retired from the sport in high school. I had a sort of freak accident and, helmet and all, suffered a brain hemorrhage. I came back to train for a few weeks at a time on several different occasions, but never competed again and didn’t stick with regular riding anymore. The sport had lost it’s appeal to me. Once I got hurt that bad I didn’t feel it was worth the risk anymore. And when you’re 15, 16 years old, you really can’t fathom the risk until you get hurt. I was so deeply afraid of horses for a while that I couldn’t have trained if I wanted to, even though it had been what I LOVED to do and was my passion, because even though I knew OF COURSE everyone gets hurt sooner or later and you could even die, I couldn’t really grasp that-- and didn’t know I couldn’t-- until I woke up in the hospital thinking Clinton was still in office. That’s when you start to get it. You know, once you gain your cognition back, if you do.</p>

<p>It has been six years and I am STILL getting hell for it. I go to see my sister compete, and I comment to my grandma about how great she looks and get, “yeah, she’s got that famous <insert surname=”" here=“”> talent… that you’re WASTING!" Or, “you know, that could have been you out there if you’d had the nerve.” Not to mention that our family’s social group is based around the sport, and any time I have to be around them in order to support the other competitors in my family I am bombarded by a chorus of, “oh, are you back then?” Or better yet are those that feel so scandalized by the fact that I have deprived them the chance to compete with their generation’s version of my grandma that they won’t speak to me at all, just complain about it to my grandma behind my back. And I am sure she is perpetuating this nonsense. To my family it is just a tragedy that my potential is being wasted, after so many before me have been so successful. Imagine the position Abby could have been in if she had refused to participate in this project given that her brother had already done it, and she was a part of this “sailing family.” The pressure I get from my family and their lifestyle is very likely only a small fraction of what the Sunderland kids feel, or at least have the potential to feel.</insert></p>

<p>So, can you “make” a 16 year old do something like this? My answer is PROBABLY! If the whole family view themselves as big sailors and her brother did it and she was indoctrinated into the sport at an early age, I can completely see how she might have ended up in this situation under the influence of her parents. However, I really don’t know where the interest is in speculating about such a detail. Whether she wanted to do it because her family pressured her or not, she thought she wanted to do it, still seems to think so since she is defending her parents decision to let her go, and her parents decided to go with it even though THEY understood the risks. It isn’t a matter of whether or not she really wanted to do this, I don’t care if she felt breaking this record was her sole reason for living, it’s a matter of who is responsible for preserving her life-- this sixteen year old or her parents. I really hope this experience has knocked some sense in her. You shouldn’t need a brain bleed to realize you don’t want to die at 16.</p>

<p><strong>LONG STORY SHORT</strong>* It is remarkable the kind of pressure that gets put on kids when the whole family is into something and expect the kid to be, too.</p>

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<p>In total and complete agreement.</p>

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<p>The truth comes out - looks like balloon boy all over again</p>

<p>[FOXNews.com</a> - Sailor Abby Sunderland’s Dad Signed Her To TV Deal Before Her Doomed Voyage](<a href=“Sailor Abby Sunderland's Dad Signed Her To TV Deal Before Her Doomed Voyage | Fox News”>Sailor Abby Sunderland's Dad Signed Her To TV Deal Before Her Doomed Voyage | Fox News)</p>

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<p>Circumnavigator Jessica Watson also has a store:</p>

<p>[The</a> Store](<a href=“http://www.jessicawatson.com.au/the-store]The”>http://www.jessicawatson.com.au/the-store)</p>

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<p>Yikes – from the link above:

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<p>When I read that in conjunction with post #221 about the indoctrination inherent in growing up in a family dedicated to one endeavor… it’s kind of scary.</p>

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<p>Yes, and how much did her rescue cost? Who pays that tab?</p>

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<p>Per the link provided by Rachacha, the rescue cost $300,000 (which the Australian government covered) and the family is not offering to pay although they are trying to raise funds to recover the boat.</p>

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<p>Please. If she spent half her life on the water – and she had to spend a lot of time on the water to be that good – how did they “rarely leave their house?” As for rarely talking to the neighbors, you could make that statement about most people in Southern California.</p>

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<p>They were talking about this on the radio this morning and someone suggested that the company who sponsored this trip and whose name is all over the boat, should pay the rescue fees. I thought that was an interesting point. Everyone talks about the parents, but there were sponsors as well who knew she was sixteen.</p>

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<p>And now the oldest seems to have a new “adventure” planned (for reality tv naturally): “The oldest child, Zac Sunderland currently holds the World Record for first person under 18 years-old to Solo-Circumnavigate the World and while finishing up his senior year of schooling is hot onto his next Adventure, a Motorcycle Adventure from the northern most point to the southern most point of South America.”</p>

<p>[Magnetic</a> Entertainment > Home](<a href=“http://www.magneticent.com/html/projects.htm]Magnetic”>http://www.magneticent.com/html/projects.htm)</p>

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<p>^^^I think these feats are not dangerous enough. I think they should try something more risky! :D</p>

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<p>Whether or not it was truly Abby’s “dream” to sail alone around the world in hurricane season (and I believe it was her father’s “dream” - or way of cashing in by risking his daughter’s life), they are all incredibly entitled to expect other people to subsidize their misguided enterprise. The Australian government spent $300,000, and how much did it cost the French fishing vessel to spend a week picking her up?</p>

<p>There are THREE reality shows about the Sunderland family on the Magnetic Entertainment site linked above. And take a look at this; prepare to be nauseated:</p>

<p><a href=“http://abbysunderland.com/images/sponsors/abby_sponsorship.pdf[/url]”>http://abbysunderland.com/images/sponsors/abby_sponsorship.pdf&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>I hereby vow never to watch a reality show that encourages people to take foolish risks for their 15 minutes of fame and corporate sponsorship. Especially when it involves putting children at risk.</p>

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<p>What, putting your faith in God, isn’t a mature decision? Wow, who would have thunk that?</p>

<p>My next door neighbor is a West Point grad and was an Army Ranger in Viet Nam. He says that they trained and trained and trained until the assassination teams worked like a fine machine. He has shown me the photos where he was playing tennis in whites on the clay courts of the hotels the French had built. He said he went out with his team in the morning, took care of his assignment and was picked up by helicopter in the afternoon in time to play tennis before it got too dark.</p>

<p>He said that the risk wasn’t theoretical or ignored. You were required to bring out your dead. His point was training can overcome fear and substantially lower the risk. He also said that they knew when an officer was requiring those under his command to take a degree of risk that was unreasonable.</p>

<p>A few years ago, he called and left a voicemail on my phone to watch a show on public television that included his son. It was about the assassination training the son and his team had received. The original agreement was that the piece would not show any faces. It did and they had to disband that team. Interesting that both he and his son were the sniper.</p>

<p>He was trying to see if my son was interested in an appointment to West Point, so I asked him about his assessment of the risk of going military. He said that with training and practice, you can manage risk.</p>

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<p>07Dad: You can put your faith in God and stand in the tracks of the 5:05 Metro.
God will weep for your loss of life.</p>

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<p>I was taken aback by the statement on the sponsorship site <a href=“http://abbysunderland.com/images/sponsors/abby_sponsorship.pdf[/url]”>http://abbysunderland.com/images/sponsors/abby_sponsorship.pdf&lt;/a&gt;, “While most young girls ask for a new car for their “Sweet Sixteen” birthday, Abby asked …”</p>

<p>I do NOT think that MOST young women request a new car at 16! IMO this statement undermines the appeal as it is so exaggerated and out of touch with reality. To me it is a put-down of 16-year-old females, most of whom I would think are more sensible than that. </p>

<p>My reaction is totally against subsidizing/enabling this venture. I hope that neither the family nor the sponsors makes any money on this.</p>

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<p>I’d rather go sailing, but thanks.</p>

<p>Why would God or anyone weep for the dead? What about life everlasting (Ephesians 2:8-10) and reincarnation, etc.? Seems to me that the one deserving of God’s tears (or anger) is the one who fails to live life for fear of dying. </p>

<p>What do any of you think about parents who put their kid in the swimming pool with those arm “floatie” things instead of teaching them to swim? Depending on the exact age, death by drowning accounts for between 8.5 and 27% of deaths of children 1-14.</p>

<p>I overheard a converation at the local pool last year where the mom explained to her friend that she used them on her kid to keep her safe while at the pool because her kid was “too young” to take swimming lessons. </p>

<p>What is “proper” parenting? Don’t let a child go in the water until they are 18 and can decide the risks for themselves? Give then floaties to make them (or the parent) “feel” safe? Or, teach them how to swim to minimize the fear and risk?</p>

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<p>07Dad, I am having difficulty in your posts figuring out just where you draw the line of a parent minimizing the risks for their child’s safety. </p>

<p>Our kids started swimming lessons at age two. Still at age two, we still used floaties, and especially in the ocean. </p>

<p>Where do you draw the line? Let’s take whitewater rafting since you mentioned it earlier (your kid was not alone though). So, would you let a ten year old go white water rafting in the highest level (I forget the term for this with rapids) river all alone with no support boat next to him? Would you let your five year old play in the street and watch for cars without adult supervision? Would you let your 14 year old go on a solo backpacking trip through Thailand? Would you let your 7 year old ride the subways of NY unsupervised? Would you let your 5 year old ski downhill out of bounds in the woods without an adult accompanying him? Just wondering. </p>

<p>We let our kids take risks. And yes, we taught them certain things to be safe like swimming, skiing, driving, etc. But there is a line we draw at extremely dangerous things that put their lives at a great chance of risk, at least while they are minors. </p>

<p>JEM, I took notice of that exact line in the article about how most sixteen year old girls expect a car for their birthday. I found that bothersome. I found it equally bothersome how in many online news forums, people are applauding Abby by contrasting her activity with teens who are couch potatoes and play video games as if there are no teens in between these two extremes!</p>

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<p>I am a committed Christian and certainly think putting your faith in God is a mature decision, BUT… kind of like Sax said, God never promises you can do any old dangerous thing you want and He won’t let you die. That’s just silly.</p>

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<p>07Dad, I think those parents are being responsible for putting floaties on their kids. How many of the drowning deaths were kids wearing floaties? Not many, I’d guess. No matter how young a child starts swimming lessons, kids can’t swim until they are developmentally ready, and the age at which that happens varies widely. Yes, they teach them floating techniques to save themselves when they fall in, but we all know that the vast majority of young children will panic if they fall in the water and won’t use the floating technique they have learned. Some say that parents can get a false sense of security about their child’s safety around water when the child has had swimming lessons.</p>

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<p>That’s because I wouldn’t draw the line for another parent. I’ve seen young kids in rural areas do stuff that most city adults wouldn’t ever do because its “risky.” The rural kids do it (often without supervision) because they have been around it, have been shown how to do it to minimize the risk and often have seen the graphic aftermath when it is not done carefully (or even when some care was taken).</p>

<p>On the “would I” questions, I made it a habit to let my S initiate and then deal with actual requests. At 11 he had been skiing at Jackson Hole for 5 seasons and had taken lessons each year. Up to that point he had never skied without a group. I don’t ski, but he asked to learn after watching the Winter Olympics. That year, he asked if he could cut back to 1/2 day lessons and have free time to ski the mountain in the afternoon.</p>

<p>I said that he’d need to do the first couple of days in the class and I’d let him know after that. I explained to the Resort’s head of ski school about his request and asked that the ski instructors give me an assessment. Both instructors and the head of the ski school reported back that he seemed to have the skills and the understanding of the realities to do 1/2 a day on his own. So, I said OK. I have no idea if he skied out of bounds, but I’ll ask him next time we talk.</p>