@Dustyfeathers if that is the worse thing your teenager has done I would say consider yourself lucky. My own children are pretty good kids and have given me little trouble, but I can tell you I have friends whose children have literally put them through the hammers of hell. Hiding a tattoo would be a walk in the park to them.
I am no fan of tattoos but I can think of 100 worse things he could have done. And hey, since he did it at 14 maybe by the time he is ready to head off to college he will have tired of it and will be up for a removal.
Agree on getting a blood test as any business that would do a tattoo on a 14 year old is suspect.
It’s not, of course. That was shorthand for: was never hurt in a drunk driving accident, was never hurt in a brawl, never fell off a high place, never had to have her stomach pumped of drugs/alcohol. I.e., never did something so stupid that it landed her in an ER. Obviously, there are plenty of ways to land in ER which don’t involve stupid young-adult type decisions. Luckily, none of those happened to her either.
I’m still sad sometimes that I never really had the opportunity to rebel against my parents. I had precisely 3 rules growing up: don’t become a teen parent, don’t drink and drive, and don’t smoke (anything other than weed). The unspoken rule with the last one was not to try anything harder than weed. Their philosophy was that pretty much everything else was fixable.
Wanted a tattoo? They wouldn’t like it but better to tell them and have them take me somewhere reputable.
Wanted to have sex? Well, it’s going to happen so you might as well be well protected.
Want to go to a concert on a school night? Missing a few classes in the morning is less important than having a memorable teen experience.
I was a good kid but I did a lot of things that would make other parents rip their hair out. Teen sex, lots of piercings (that I’ve since abandoned), staying out past midnight on a school night, etc. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be as chill as my parents were. They also admit that they were very lucky that I never did anything really dumb because they had no idea how to punish me. Both of my parents were raised in super hands off households and they never really learned how to dole out punishment.
My parents were very strict when I was growing up, so I hid a lot of things from them. I used to tell my parents I was sleeping over at a girlfriend’s house and ended up some where else. I still remember taking a road trip to a college for a concert and staying over at a frat house. Back then drinking age was 18, so there were drinking and some other stuff involved. Luckily, nothing bad happened to us. Looking back, I don’t know what we were thinking of.
With my own experience, when my kids were teenagers I was less strict with them. They were allowed a lot more freedom as long as they were safe. They were required to call me at midnight from a landline whenever they were sleeping over at friend’s house. They were allowed to party more senior year, and we were on call to pick them up if needed.
I haven’t found anything they did while they were teenagers that were shocking, but I won’t swear to it either. I think I would prefer not to know at this point.
Really, what were we thinking? I remember sleeping over a girlfriend’s house on a Friday night – I helped her out her bedroom window onto a tree branch so she could sneak out and see a guy that none of our parents allowed us to hang out with. Looking back now I realize she could have fallen and killed herself.
He’s no longer a teen but my son recently ended up in the ER after punching a wall and breaking a bone. Sigh. At least we already met our insurance deductible this year.
He wanted a tattoo for a couple of years and got one almost as soon as he turned 18. My husband has a couple so it’s not like we could object. He just told son to think long and hard about what he wanted and to go somewhere reputable. The tattoo he got is a symbol of our church. Really, I can’t object.
The teen years turned my hair gray…what i knew they were doing…what I didn’t know they were doing…Sigh. So glad those years are in the rear view mirror.
I was pretty straightlaced teen, especially in high school where I don’t think I did a single thing I wouldn’t have told my parents about. Hitchhiked twice with a bad experience the second time. Smoked a little pot in college - my Mom asked me what it was like and I told her - so not exactly a secret. My older son as far as I know hasn’t even tried alcohol or any drugs. Video games are his addiction of choice.
Younger son is a good kid. I knew when he and his kids went off to the woods after dark his friends were drinking. Since he spits out drinks, he’s drunk by accident and doesn’t drink now that he’s over 21 I’m pretty confident he wasn’t drinking though I’m sure he could have gotten in trouble. I have to admit I’ve heard about stuff I’m glad I didn’t know about at the time. His best friend talked about playing Magic in Calculus class with their backs to the teacher. (That friend got into Yale and my kid did okay too - but really I thought they had more respect for their teachers! ) There were also some climbing of abandoned buildings I would much rather not know about.
@romanigypsyeyes, 2 of the rules you mentioned are in our house known as “don’t make life, don’t take life.”
I’ve told my kids since they were pretty young that those were the 2 I really cared about. Other things are generally fixable.
I was pretty much a “goody two shoes” kid as compared to many of my schoolmates growing up. But then there was the summer afternoon when my older cousin and I said we were going to a movie and dinner together… and instead, we drove to upstate NY to see a rock concert. The plan was to be back by midnight. We were reported missing by our parents. (Once we actually made it to Woodstock, there was no way out for 4 days… and no phones to call home.) We were grounded for about a year.
(It was worth it!)
Oh, man. I did stuff as a teen I won’t even tell you guys, let alone my parents. My kids were VERY good compared to me. The few times something did happen (eg, D2 at a party with HS friends senior year where everyone else got drunk & sick. D1 in Europe tried drinking, threw up the next morning in a potted plant in the hotel lobby when their tour group was meeting early), they came home and told me about it. Neither dated hardly at all in HS. Both are very wary of weed and other drugs.
My children probably think “Oh, what our parents did when we were teenagers!” D2 was hit particularly hard by her father’s (my ex’s) job loss and the resulting strain on the family.
Sort of a sad story. H and I are opposed to tattoos. To me, they are a reminder of how the Nazis desecrated Jews and others. Anyway, oldest boy got a tattoo when he was 21. It was the symbol of the band Blue Oyster Cult. He showed it to me and I was livid, but he was so sorry and he begged me to help him figure out how to tell his dad. A few weeks later, H got a call. The son of an old friend, about the same age as our own, had been arrested for statutory rape. My son decided that would be a good time to tell dad about the tattoo. His approach was - hey dad, MY GF is legal and what do you think of my tattoo? Given that this particular son wasn’t well known for his good judgment at the time, I thought that his approach was a good one. Although we are still upset about the tattoo, we know things could be worse. He has two more tattoos but they are discreet. I did manage to impress on him that he can’t have any tats that can affect his ability to be hired or to be promoted at any decent job.
) There were also some climbing of abandoned buildings I would much rather not know about.