<p>“Let’s be clear. I practically held the hand of one of my entering freshman, who needed lots of support, throughout the moving-in, registration weekend. I am not advocating any kind of hands-off policy…”</p>
<p>Alh, I left “home” for college the weekend before freshmen registration with literally everything I owned in a little Datsun (remember those?) pickup. All my belongings didn’t even reach the top of the bed either… Went through the whole registration and move-in ot the dorm with my older brother’s help, but he had to bug out (and go register himself) once I got moved in. From that day forward, I’ve been completely on my own.</p>
<p>I never could understand why so many college kids needed their parents to “hold their hand” and help move them in. Then come check on them throughout the year…</p>
<p>^^limbwalker: another child of mine, while handling move-in & registration entirely on his own, asked me to please stay in a coffee shop till he came to meet me… a coffee shop waaaay off campus.</p>
<p>I firmly believe kids need different kinds of parenting. But that doesn’t mean I think you should be meeting with those university guys!!! It can’t possibly help your daughter :)</p>
<p>“wwaaaayyy off campus…” Yea, that’s my son. And anymore, my 4th grade daughter too. But this daughter has never minded the folks being around at all. On the contrary, she acts like she appreciates it. How weird is that!?</p>
<p>Well, you may be surprised just how “quiet” I can be when I need to. I don’t expect her to set up the appointments ( I’m at work and can do this right now while she’s in class). But I do expect her to be asking the questions while I sit there and look good ;)</p>
<p>I really like some of those questions on the list. So hopefully she will feel confident enough to use them.</p>
<p>I don’t see a problem with doing some legwork, but John’s statement looked more like “he” had the meeting as opposed to his daughter.<br>
Texas State isn’t exactly a small LAC. It is also a very large university and I’m sure there will be profs/advisors there who are responsive and some who are non-responsive, just like at any other large school. A random sample of one call would not lead me to conclude that everyone at UT is going to ignore her, but you don’t go to a school the size of either of these and expect to get a lot of nurturing. This visit process might be a good place for her to test the waters of how she can manage independently. </p>
<p>We tried to back out of an on-campus coach meeting with our son and just drop son at the coach’s office. The coach made us come in. He said, “If your son chooses this school, I am the adult on campus who is going to have the most interaction with him, so I would like for you to get to know me.” My son gave us the “just sit there and don’t say anything stupid” look…</p>
<p>Yep, should have been clearer - I didn’t meet DH until after he had enrolled at UT. We got engaged three months later, and my dad was his supervising prof! DH says he was nervous, a Yankee dating his Texan prof’s daughter!</p>
<p>My son went on several campus visits by himself. When I accompanied him, I just listened for clues about whether the coach wanted me there or not. More often than not, the coach wanted me in the meeting. I don’t think I stayed as quiet as I should have, though. DS always forgot to ask the key questions that we’d discussed ahead of time!</p>
<p>I am sorry I just can’t leave this alone. So sorry. So very very sorry. </p>
<p>Imagine at the end of her sophomore year, there is a space for one student to be part of a Linguistic Athropology project someplace wonderfully exotic during the summer break…
And that by that point in time she wants to go someplace wonderfully exotic for the summer.</p>
<p>Profs discuss applicants: </p>
<p>Prof A: “Sue applied.”</p>
<p>Prof B: “I’m not sure which one she is.”</p>
<p>Prof A: “Very quiet. But excellent student in my classes.”</p>
<p>Prof B: “Wait! Is she the one whose Dad came …”</p>
<p>Prof A: “Right. That’s her.”</p>
<hr>
<p>If anyone at the school ever invited me to a meeting (like the coaches mentioned above), I definitely showed up. That rarely happened to me.</p>
<p>When older s looked at colleges, he wanted to meet with faculty, sit in on classes and tour the physics labs. They are usually very proud of their research and facilities,and want the parents to tag along on the lab tour. At one or 2 schools, during the tour of the lab, the professor looked at me most of the time when explaining stuff, even though DS asked virtually all of the questions. I finally said something like “I have no clue what you are talking about. This stuff is way over my head.” I think he got the point, and spent the rest of the time explaining to DS. DS didnt apply to that school.</p>
<p>Despite older 's ability to initiate this stuff, he is by nature a shy, somewhat introverted guy. This is why he chose a small school and was really attracted to the nurturing, “family” aspect of the residential college system, and part of what was so attractive about Rice (oops, there’s that dirty 4 letter word, sorry). The Residential college system is a great resource for kids who can, all to easily, get overwhelmed or lost in the crowd. Have no clue if either of these schools offer a residential college option, but if so, it would be a great idea.</p>
<p>alh, I don’t know what schools your student visited, but every student we’ve seen has had a parent in tow. The prof and class visits in which we participated were arranged by the school to “sell” the family on the school - they were not admission interviews at all. Also, I would be very impressed if a prof at a gigantic school like UT remembered an individual student from her campus tour two years later. She’d have had to have worn a clown suit or something to be remembered.</p>
<p>Just accompany her like a chauffeur in waiting, a step or two behind. Your dd should take the lead. Make sure she knows how to introduce herself in a clear, audible voice, looking him in the eye with a decent handshake and a smile. Only enter the office with your d if invited. Then sit there and be pleasantly quiet!</p>
<p>^^Is your son at Rice? I don’t know if it is considered a small school but I do know the school and its residential colleges have a wonderful reputation among those I know.</p>
<p>Rice has 3200 undergrad students and about 2200 grad students. I would consider it pretty small, although it is a D1 sports school. The residential college system is great. It’s REALLY small compared to UT or Texas State.
Both JYM’s son and my daughter are Rice grads.</p>
<p>He graduated from Rice a few years ago, alh. Wonderful school, and perfect “fit” for him. When he was there, there were only about 2,800 undergrads. Its now got over 3,000 (part of a planned growth), but thats still pretty darned small! The entire undergrad population of Rice can fit in one of the UT Austin freshman dorms!</p>
<p>missypie: to clarify. We (husband and I) accompanied kids on general campus tours and visiting. We did not accompany kids to class visits in subjects of their interest. We did not accompany them to visits with individual profs in whose research they were interested, we did not accompany them on individual tours of facilities arranged specifically for our kid because of a special area of interest. Some profs called our kids after being forwarded their applications. We never responded to those calls. Kids did, though we discusssed with kids beforehand what appropriate discussions might be.</p>
<p>It is of course more than possible and perhaps highly likely that all my advice on this subject is completely off base. Obviously I am a little more wound up about it than makes sense :)</p>
<p>When I was a HS senior, I was invited to my undergrad to compete for one of the “big scholarships.” It was based mostly on interviews and I did a HORRIBLE job. Did I say HORRIBLE? HORRIBLE. I had never been interviewed for anything and did not even have a good answer to “Why do you want to major in…?” When I think back on it, I can’t imagine why my parents didn’t use the 3 hour car ride to the school to do some basic interview prep.</p>
<p>My kids have been interviewed for various things (starting in 6th grade, for middle school drill team officer!) and I have always role played with them to prep them for the interview. Like you said, basic stuff like shaking hands, sitting up straight, etc. I consider that my duty as a parent.</p>
<p>I set up our appointments it was just practical when the kid is in school. I sat in on the meetings with profs, it also helped me understand the school and we could hash out the facts together. I did make a real effort to try and stay out of the conversation and only jump in to fill a pregnant pause or to pick up a bit of information that was missed. It did take some effort but I worked at being the least talkative person in the room and at not directing the discussion. Most of the profs were great at directing the discussion on their own. I think it worked out fine. As LW said this is a meeting to get information, not an interview. Enjoy your trip!</p>
<p>That’s why we were quite vehement about what we viewed as a mis-characterization of Rice. It’s fine for someone not to like Rice or not to want to go to school in Houston, but to call it “inner city” and “crowded” just didn’t make sense.
I WILL say that my daughter visited Rice in her college search reluctantly (to say the least). She said she “wouldn’t go to college in Texas” (we lived in Dallas but she went to arts boarding school out of state) and it was “stupid” to go visit. Her voice teacher asked her to go visit Rice and meet a certain voice teacher. We all fell in love with the place but I did everything possible to keep my mouth shut while we did the tour and the meeting with the wonderful voice teacher (she also asked to meet with us). I choked back all my “See- this is the perfect place for you!” comments. When she went on her audition trip in February (leaving Michigan in 10 degree snow) the deal was sealed. Merit money was a nice touch, too. Son wouldn’t even consider the school.<br>
We’ve all had our battles, which is why I wish John wasn’t so quick to dismiss much of the advice that has been given on this thread.</p>
<p>Thanks, alh! The fact that our kids are Rice grads was fodder for banter pages ago!! Its probably hard to keep up!!</p>
<p>** addendum:
FWIW, its funny what causes the hair to go up on each of our necks. I found the description of the Rice students as “uninterested trust fund kids” more painfully inaccurate and annoying than the “stuffy” description. The flip comments about the grounds being too well groomed and the buildings, facilities and artwork too attractive or possibly, by implication, too costly (I am paraphrasing) and then the confused “inner city” vs “in a city” phrasiology just aggravated things more.</p>