<p>I’m sorry, but all you people should be in etiquette hell. A high school graduate should be an experienced thank you note writer. Didn’t they receive birthday gifts and attend sleep-overs during their childhood, both events that require thank you notes after age 8? </p>
<p>And forming a pattern? A thank you note should reflect the personal relationship with the giver. Think about it, a person took the time to go to a store, select a gift, wrap, and deliver it to you. You should take the time to personalize each letter. </p>
<p>I should note, that I am touchy on this subject. I have yet to receive a thank you note from a bridal shower I attended three weeks ago. That is poor form.</p>
<p>^^^^ We are of the same mind. I have a mental list of all the recipients of gifts who never acknowledged them and have a hard time seeing/thinking of them without recalling their “disgraced” status. Many of the unacknowledged gifts were high school gradutes, but some are from weddings gifts. I know there are some sources on etiquette that say you have up to a year to acknowledge a wedding gift, but I don’t buy that.<br>
It’s never too early to promote written thank you notes. When my children were young there were cute little thank yous you could buy with fill in the blanks for the name of the gift, etc. for kids in the 4-7 age group to send when they were not quite there with the writing skills, but were old enough to get the concept of the thank you. I wonder if someone still makes those.</p>
<p>Here’s a selfish reason for handwritten notes: Nobody will EVER think less of you for sending a handwritten note. Some people will think enough better of you for doing it that it will benefit you in the future.</p>
<p>Handwritten notes, absolutely! I’ve never heard of anyone who didn’t appreciate the personal touch. Remind your kids how special they felt when their acceptance–or other–letters, included a personal note.</p>
<p>“Ettiquette hell” is reserved for people who count the days between a bridal shower and the date they get a thank you note. Recent brides-to-be I have gifted include women who are working full-time while finishing a graduate degree and finalizing plans for the summer wedding. I certainly do not want to add to the stress of someone I care about by making them feel they have to crank out a thank you note to me within a week of getting a gift, especially since showers around here tend to be large community events.</p>
<p>A mother whose sons are out of college said she had told her sons that they needed to write five thank notes a day for high school graduation gifts. It took almost a month to get all the notes done, but they all did get done and they were all personal notes. I would prefer a note delivered a bit later that was personal to a very prompt, generic one.</p>
<p>I am not Emily Post, but when I give a gift it is because I genuinely care for the person. I think worrying about when and if a thank you note arrives would take a lot of the joy out of giving.</p>
<p>A family friend told my 2nd child to make sure her graduating sibling sent the personalized thank-you note. In his experience, he (as second child) received less money (and none at all from some relatives) because his older brother never “got around” to sending his thank you notes! He definitely sent his thank-you’s, so we’ll have to see if the funding picks back up for his younger sibling.</p>
<p>Perhaps standards are different in different parts of the country, however where I am from, thank yous are expected within a week of the bridal shower/date of gift receipt. Ideally, in advance of the wedding. </p>
<p>Furthermore, the event to which I alluded involved a currently unemployed bride who threw a hissy-fit because the lovely shower that her aunts planned was not to her liking in front of all the guests.</p>
<p>When I was quite young, maybe nine or ten, I neglected to write a thank you note for a present I got from a family friend. This person was very bad at choosing presents for children and often got gifts that would be appropriate for a child several years younger. Anyway, my mom told me to write a thank you note and reminded me to, but I never did it. The next time they came to visit, my mom pointed out to me (privately) that they hadn’t brought gifts, which they always did. Now, I didn’t care much if I got gifts from these people or not, and I’m not all that sure whether abstaining from giving a gift to a child who didn’t write a thank you note for the last one (but thanked at the time in person) is appropriate, but it’s certainly something I remembered.</p>
<p>corranged, nice story. I don’t think I’d pull the plug on a young child either, but I know people who have. </p>
<p>Actually my older two (now 19 and 16) did this very deliberately a couple of years ago, opting to not write a thank-you note to an aunt who, despite some gentle but honest feedback about their interests, continued to give them presents of books that were both aimed far too young, and larded with clumsy, proselytizing religious content. Their omissions promptly produced the desired effect. </p>
<p>The 6-year-old is still on her list. We’ll see how long it takes him to figure this out.</p>
<p>You know those photo Christmas cards that are usually about 4 x 8, and can come pre-printed with a holiday message “from our family to yours?”</p>
<p>Well the son of someone I’m pretty close to used that format to send us his thanks. The photo was taken in a moving car; he was in the back seat, the photographer was facing backwards in the front. TBH, it looked like it was a “goofing around with the cell phone camera” shot. </p>
<p>Anyway, the card had that image and pre-printed words “thanks for my graduation gift” on it. ($100!!) No hand-written signature. Not even a name, now that I mention it. </p>
<p>I was shocked. I know his mom would never have been allowed to do that when she graduated. And I can’t believe she raised him to think that was OK. Her second child (daughter) graduates this week. It will be interesting to see how she handles it.</p>
<p>OK-I’ll reveal my hand. I absolutely agree that handwritten notes are required in this situation. We are a “blended” family and Dad (my H) is far less strict. It is my stepson who is graduating and I am “evil step mother” who insists on written notes. </p>
<p>Thanks for re-validating my position. I know that my position is not “completely wacko” (the words of my step son) or stuck in another century (words of my H).</p>
<p>I will now slink off with my air of moral superiority… :)</p>
<p>blended families are complicated. for that matter, all families are complicated. i am currently debating whether or not to stop giving/sending gifts to my soon-to-be sisters in-law because in 5 years I have never received a thank you note for birthdays, graduations, or Christmas</p>
Like many others, we have taught (and also required) DS to write such notes from the time he was old enough - for birthday, holiday gifts… whatever. No spending $ gifts until notes written, just as others have said.</p>
<p>Each note had to thank for the gift, talk a little bit about why he so appreciated it/what he planned to do with it, etc. Not just “Thank you for the gift.”</p>
<p>That said, I have gone with modern times to the extent that I acquiesce to the note being typed/word processed, printed out and hand-signed. He even used to put computerized graphics or illustrations on them when he was a kid.</p>
<p>I’m not sure that email is inappropriate for some gifts. </p>
<p>I agree that you cannot go wrong with a hand-written note. But IMHO the cardinal sin is not saying thank you at all. There is way too much of that. But luckily not in the households of we posters on this thread. So a typed/wp note, even an email, fills the bill for me.</p>
<p>If my niece or nephew sent me an email thank you, I would be just as pleased as if it were a handwritten USPS-sent note.</p>
<p>My mother has sent S a 20 dollar bill every month since he went off to college. He has my complete approval to email his grandma his thanks. Mom is a new computer user and she loves to get his emails every month.</p>
<p>Packer-that’s such a nice story. I mean, in most cases I am a stickler for the hand written note, but it seems that your mom must get so excited to show off her new computer skills.<br>
I am sure that you also encourage him to send an update once and a while about his life in college.</p>
<p>Yes, and he will also give her a little “computer lesson” most of the time…maybe a hint on how to use google, or turn on and off the volume on her laptop.</p>
Oh, please. I’m nineteen years old, and I can see the value in a hand-written thank you note. My high school friends all sent hand-written notes as well, though it took some of them quite a while to complete them all. It’s really not very time consuming, and it shows that your son is mature, polite, and ready to grow up a bit and go off to college. It’s a tough situation since you don’t have your husband’s support, of course.</p>
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