Regarding graduate school costs, PhD programs worth attending should be funded (although funding level varies). Professional degrees (e.g. MD, DO, JD, and most master’s degrees) are typically not funded, and could be very expensive.
The old scholarship at a less selective school or higher price for more selective school question...
If family has means to make it a real choice then go with the school you prefer for selectivity, prestige, fit, major or whatever reasons important for you. If parents can’t or prefer not to help then it’s a hypothetical, go with what you can afford.
This is such a personal decision. We passed on the regional state school that gave almost a full ride to DS, but that decision was based a lot on them not having the exact major he wanted. It was a great “fit” otherwise and I think we may have chosen it over the higher ranked more expensive schools if they had. However, family friends that are in academia did tell us there would be a lot more opportunities at the large research flagships than the smaller regional schools.
Between the two equally ranked schools he was accepted to we went with the cheaper one, not the one he liked the most. It was a 24K difference over 4 years and DS did not feel it was worth it. He said he’d rather have the money to do a study abroad and buy a car at graduation than go to his 1st choice school over his 2nd. Other people might prioritize that differently.
Thank you! Again, people are giving me a lot to consider and I really appreciate your replies. They are helping me sort out my thoughts on this. 
Thank you, ucbalumnus
My son got into a school I really like very much and that acceptance helped me answer this question myself. If the finances are right, I like this school enough that I would choose it over the lower price regional school. Our son liked the lower priced regional school and said he thought he could be happy there, but that he liked some of the other schools better and would rather go to one of them. We plan to let him decide.
You also want to be sure that if he changes majors (which sounds likely), he is at a school that has other choices that he would be interested in, so he doesn’t get locked into a field that he doesn’t like any more after freshman year. And, if he decided against the current major, would he still like the school enough in another field.
Thank you, dentmom4 I agree.
Update - he got into a pretty highly ranked LAC that offered enough grant money to be under our EFC by a little more than $2000. We all like that school a lot and I think he will likely go there. If he hadn’t gotten into that type of school, I think he would choose the local regional state school. Thank you all. I appreciate your advice!
Congratulations! It sounds like he will be very happy.
Thank you, Qtinfo!
A scholarship is your best bet by far. Right now the economy is collapsing and we’re not sure how long it’s going to last. An expensive school is an option if there’s certainty of a continuous cash flow. A layoff of a parent would blow that up real quick, forcing you to transfer and lose credits. A scholarship is a written offer of guaranteed money and it will continue regardless of any employment situation.
Thank you. The more expensive school has good financial aid that would adjust if our income changed such that it would be a good deal even in the worst case. It has a good endowment so financially I think both the lowest priced school and this one are the safest bets.
@suteiki77, though remember that FAFSA looks at the year before the year before the autumn start of a school year. You could try to plead financial hardship to try to get a school to adjust it’s fin aid quicker, but that may or may not happen.
Good point, PurpleTitan. We are hopefully NOT going to lose our jobs, thought! So far it looks like will keep our current jobs and I sure hope so as I love my job. If one of us did, we would still be OK. I did the SAHM thing for some time when our son was little and we managed. We can pay for all 4 years already with college savings and our mortgage is paid off. A relative is giving our son almost half of the price of the more expensive school, each year. I think we are going to be OK to have him go there.