We had some interesting meetings with our kids guidance counselors (we had always been hands-off parents, so the guidance counselors assumed we’d “go with the flow” when it came to admissions and “the list”.) At one meeting I told the guidance counselor that unless our kid could come up with a meaty list of reasons for the safety type schools on his list- they were out. There was a neighboring state flagship U with a well regarded engineering program, and we didn’t intend to pay for a private engineering program if a comparable public U was half the price. This kid applied to two schools- the public U (not a Michigan or Berkeley btw…) and MIT. He went to MIT.
Another one of my kids never went to grad school. Has worked in a field where everyone assumes that at least a Master’s is required. Company is about to go public. Delighted for my kid’s good fortune and hard work AND the “prestige” of the undergrad. But it’s really not about the prestige- although it has been a door opener for sure. The undergrad was just such a great and inspiring and tough and challenging place to learn. And employers sort of assume that the work ethic and skills are there-- and then reality DOES confirm that.
How do you measure “worth it”? You don’t get a piece of paper from college when you drop them off Freshman year promising that they’re going to work at a successful start-up vs. teaching HS biology.
There are no guarantees in life. But for my values, and the way I raised my kids- yes, it was “worth it”. I don’t have pricey hobbies, I drive a cruddy Honda (which I love), and I don’t need to “signal” to the world that I’m successful. And-- most critically for our no loans plan- I took short maternity leaves after my kids were born, and never downshifted professionally. That was also a value. I loved my job and didn’t want to spend 15 years at home only to wind up bitter and angry that I couldn’t get back on track professionally (I know lots of women who have fallen into that trap). I don’t know how people pay for college on one income, but I never had to do that math. We lived on one salary, and invested the second. And when one of us lost our job (we had two kids in college at the time) it meant some belt-tightening but nothing more traumatic than that.
Yes, we’ve been lucky. No divorce, no chronic illness.
But you need to set your own priorities. My neighbors think I’m a financial moron that with a seemingly secure job I can’t seem to lease a nice car. Maybe I am a moron. But I don’t care about cars, and I do care about college.
I don’t share your fixation on med schools btw. I know dozens of kids who were intent on becoming physicians when they were in HS and only a handful end up doing that. I would NOT pick an undergrad on the basis of med school- either admissions or financials. Some of the kids end up doing something else health related, some end up in completely different fields, but picking a college as the entree to med school seems backwards to me.