<p>NJres-
That same letter arrived here for my older child 5 years ago. I betcha it’s from a public ivy ;)</p>
<p>ha ha, oh man, I wish I had a copy of my Brown rejection letter, but I went on vacation and i’m pretty sure my mom threw it away. I just remember that it opened with some intro about the number of impressive apps it reviewed and that “it is with deep regret that I must tell you…” blah blah blah. I can’t really remember the rest, but I thought it was really funny. I mean, the way it was worded made it sound like someone had died. No offense to them, but I think that it’s rather conceited to be so melodramatic about a rejection to their school. I think it almost ties with Harvard for most insincere. </p>
<p>Anyway, thanks for the post. It was really entertaining and I think it will provide laughs to many who are in the rejection boat this year. :-)</p>
<p>It’s not you, it’s us…</p>
<p>The Tufts rejection letter was 2 terse, clique-ridden pararaphs…</p>
<p>like they couldn’t put in enough effort to be a little bit original and come up with more than 2 paragraphs?</p>
<p>nominated in the shortest rejection category</p>
<p>and a new one: “least original”</p>
<p>Dear Dean of Admissions,</p>
<p>I regret to inform you that, after a thorough and careful review, I cannot accept your offer of admissions. As you know, there are many outstanding colleges and universities, which made my decision unusually difficult. I wish that I could write with better news, but please know that this in no way reflects on the quality of your institution, its faculty, or programs.</p>
<p>There are many outstanding students, and I am sure that you will be successful in enrolling a significant number of them. Success as a college is not defined by enrolling a class with the highest standardized test scores or the most impressive extra-curricuular activities. Many colleges are highly successful with all sorts of student bodies.</p>
<p>I wish you and your institution well, and send my very best wishes for success in enrolling your class of 2011.</p>
<p>Cordially,</p>
<p>Justin Atyale</p>
<p>Breaking Up is Hard to Do but not without hope as we go our Separate Ways -</p>
<p>“There’s nothing left to do but go our separate ways and pick up all the pieces left behind us. And maybe someday, somewhere along the way, another love will find us.”</p>
<p>MOMBOT–goo one! And how about “We just need some space . . . so you can’t fill it.”</p>
<p>S got one this year with typical letter (large number of highly qualified students,highly qualified candidate, blah blah blah), but said if he wants to give them a transfer shot they’d look at him again. Included 2 transfer postcards to mail back when he is ready for his “re-look”. I think the dog ate them!</p>
<p>Has anyone received one that wouldn’t make a “worst of” list?<br>
Is there any language that would ease the sting?</p>
<p>Regarding the “he’s a deny” email, the boy is a friend of my Ds, and here is his reply to the Reed Corresponce after their “apology”</p>
<p>Dear Mr. Applicant:</p>
<p>Please accept my apology regarding the email you were sent inadvertently
by Ms. Van Volkinburg. Her note was a shorthand internal communication
meant for another member of the staff and was not supposed to go to you.
At times, and this is one of them, email is a medium that is extremely
prone to careless error.</p>
<p>You will receive the formal notification of our decision by mail.
Letters to all 3,363 applicants for 330 freshman spaces go out tomorrow
and Thursday.</p>
<p>Best of luck as you continue your education.</p>
<p>Sincerely,</p>
<p>Paul Marthers
Dean of Admission
Reed College
Portland, Oregon 97202</p>
<hr>
<p>From Applicant to Reed:</p>
<p>Subject: RE: Never received application acknowledgment</p>
<p>Dear Ms. Volkinburg,
I realize that my previous message may have been a bit hasty. After settling my nerves with a couple of cans of Red Bull, I realized that the incident was not as galling as it originally seemed.</p>
<pre><code> However, one subject still nags me: the use of the phrase, and I quote, ‘he’s a deny.’ Even ee cummings would be appalled at this utter debasement of language. If I may offer some improvements to this notice:
</code></pre>
<p>Dear Applicant:</p>
<p>We are sorry to inform you that we will not be able to admit you to Reed College. We wish you luck with your college endeavors.</p>
<p>Sincerely,
The Reed Admissions Staff </p>
<p>Or:</p>
<p>Dear Applicant:</p>
<p>We have read of your well-publicized stance against NAFTA. Due to your inflammatory remarks concerning our Canadian neighbors, we are compelled to deny you admission to our College. We wish you luck with your college endeavors.</p>
<p>Sincerely,
The Reed Admissions Staff</p>
<p>Or:</p>
<p>Dear Mr. Applicant:</p>
<p>We believe the journal “Science” acted quite hastily in publishing your astounding theories seeking to verify a connection between string theory and loop quantum gravity. You are clearly disregarding the effect of supersymmetry and the existence of eleven (not ten) M-Theory dimensions. Having a student such as yourself in the freshman dorms would surely taint the minds of the students still struggling to understand quantum foam. You are therefore a deny. We wish you luck with your college endeavors.</p>
<p>Sincerely,
The Reed Admission Staff
Or:</p>
<ul>
<li> Dear Applicant:</li>
</ul>
<p>Your application, which included an essay seeking to prove that the number “seven” was actually a letter in the alphabet, strained credulity to the breaking point. How could we possibly admit you? We wish you luck with your college endeavors.</p>
<p>Sincerely,</p>
<p>The Reed Admission Staff</p>
<p>Or:</p>
<p>Dear Mr. Applicant,</p>
<p>Due to the fact that you have seen the best minds of your generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked,</p>
<p>Dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking</p>
<p>For an angry fix,</p>
<p>Angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection</p>
<p>To the starry dynamo in the machinery of night,</p>
<p>we are forced to deny you admission. We wish you luck with your college endeavors.</p>
<p>Sincerely,</p>
<p>The Reed Admission Staff</p>
<p>Or:</p>
<ul>
<li> Dear Mr. Applicants,</li>
</ul>
<p>We are sorry to inform you that we cannot allow you admission to our school. In your non-fictional essay, you acknowledged the fact that you own less than five cardigan sweaters. This simply does not hold up to our standards of fashion and quality. You are, therefore, a deny. We wish you luck with your college endeavors.</p>
<p>Sincerely,
The Reed Admission Staff</p>
<p>Or:</p>
<ul>
<li> Dear Applicant,</li>
</ul>
<p>Of course we would love to loan you $5,000 dollars to allow you to unlock your concealed riches in a Nigerian bank! This sounds too good to be true! Our social security numbers, PIN codes, and credit card numbers are all in the attachment above. Although we would love to do future business with you, we cannot admit you to the College. We wish you luck with your college endeavors.</p>
<p>Sincerely,</p>
<p>The Reed Admission Staff</p>
<p>As you can see, there are countless alternatives to the grammatically grotesque “he’s a deny.” I understand that I most likely received your message by mistake. Please make sure measures are taken that a similar incident does not happen to other prospective students; few will take it as light-heartedly as I have.</p>
<p>Love,</p>
<p>Applicant</p>
<p>Heh, how can they not accept someone who replied like that?! :D</p>
<p>that is what we said, kind of what Reed looks for I imagine</p>
<p>Great kid and I have seen the originail hes a deny email…egad</p>
<p>CGM, I’m crying here!! 
</p>
<p>my fave:</p>
<p>Dear Applicant:</p>
<p>Your application, which included an essay seeking to prove that the number “seven” was actually a letter in the alphabet, strained credulity to the breaking point. How could we possibly admit you? We wish you luck with your college endeavors.</p>
<p>followed closely by the Nigerian scam…</p>
<p>It is interesting to see how people react differently to rejection letters, proving once again, you can’t please everyone all the time. I thought the Tufts rejection letter (yes, we got one) was just fine.</p>
<p>In fact, for those of you not so blessed, here it is: (rereading it now, it is better than fine. Dignified, polite, complimentary… very nice. 
) </p>
<p>Dear (first name of applicant):</p>
<p>Thank you for applying to Tufts University as a candidate for admission to the Class of 2011. The Admissions Committee appreciates the compliment of your interest in Tufts as one of your choices for your undergraduate education.</p>
<p>After a careful review of your academic and personal qualifications, we regret we are unable to offer you admission to the University. This was a particularly difficult decision for us to reach, and I know it will disappoint you. Tufts received a large and talented pool of candidates this year, and competition for the limited number of places in our first-year class was keen. Because of these competitive constraints, the Admissions Committee denied many candidates, like you, who would have added much to our undergraduate community. </p>
<p>Best wishes for a successful and memorable undergraduate experience. </p>
<pre><code> Sincerely,
Lee A. Coffin
</code></pre>
<p>Dean of Undergraduate Admissions</p>
<p>Boy, Reed blew it when it decided to deny this kid. So CGM, which lucky college will he favor with his presence next year?</p>
<p>Why should Reed take that student- He’s bright, funny, has so much going for him…when they can take someones son or daughter who is a total loser with “promise” and $$$$. Whats in it for the admissions people to take someone who can do nothing to further their career???</p>
<p>OMG, that Reed piece was the funniest thing I ever read on CC. The reverse rejection letter was also a scream.</p>
<p>I thought Yale’s rejection letter was actually pretty nice. My S didn’t even really care, he knew he would be rejected and had already sent in his acceptance to Tulane, but still, I think they were attempting to gently wrest the razors away from those who might consider a Yale rejection the final straw.</p>
<p>Berkeley also had a nice rejection letter. It was heartening to hear about the 4.0 gpa’s of his fellow rejectees…</p>
<p>BTW, SUNY Geneseo had a hilarious acceptance letter. Before they even told S he he was accepted, they were crowing in the first paragraph about being named one of Kiplingers Best Value Colleges. I thought that was really unnecessary and kind of crass.</p>
<p>Mwaha, the reply letters to Reed were HILARIOUS! My mom was reading them over my shoulder, and we both were nearly in tears! I’ve been trying desperately to shake off my rejection from Tufts (the one from Brown was completely expected), and I have to say: does anything really make the rejection easier? I had to wait a full paragraph of crap made to make me feel better about myself, before they dropped the bomb. Better first sentence: “Sorry, you’re actually just too stupid, too white, and too rich to be unlike anyone else from your suburban Mid-Atlantic school. Go work at McDonalds, but transfer to us later!” Wham, bam, thank you ma’am…I would get my rejection done right away, and not have to endure the slow burn of hopeful anticipation, only to be shot down!</p>
<p>Not sure yet where he is going…he wasn’t so irked by a rejection, but the lovely “he’s a deny” email, and the followup one, well how could he not say something</p>
<p>He is a great kid, and I will keep you poste</p>
<p>Cal Poly’s rejection “letter” is available only online. I was literally laughing when I read it.</p>
<p>“You have not been selected for admission to Cal Poly.”</p>
<p>That’s it; one line. They don’t address you by name nor do they conclude the letter.</p>
<p>Calmom (#15), from reading grad boards this spring, I gather Cornell isn’t the only one. I was amazed at the number of applicants who posted that they received two or even three copies of the identical same rejection from different schools. The prize has to go to Princeton, whose first rejection came by e-mail and included a query as to whether the unfortunate rejectee wanted to receive a duplicate rejection via postal (!).</p>