I agree. The social experience-my D20 (born in 2002) had v. my D24 (born in 2006) has been remarkable.
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Thereâs a book about your observation.
When my D was a student, phones had to remain in backpacks or lockers. If a teacher saw a phone, they took it until the end of the day. Private school.
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This is âtechnicallyâ the rule at my kidsâ school but it is really unevenly enforced.
I remember one time I was upset that my son had forgotten to bring his phone so he could call me after a practice. He just smiled and said âMomâŠwhat did people do before cell phones?â
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There were a lot more public phones for sure! I used to get left places with a dime so that I could call my mom when a school dance, rehearsal, or practice was over. And I have a foggy memory of being told to call collect if I ran out of dimes so that she could refuse the (expensive) call but sheâd know that I was ready. In retrospect, I am wondering why she just didnât give me more dimes???
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LOL. My older D went on a trip and landed in a place with no cell service. But they had a public phone. Took her and her friend 30 min to dig up change and figure out how to use it.
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I definitely remember mixups where Mom didnât get me at the time she was supposed to. So I waited. Itâs not the end of the world if you have to sit a little while. I could always use the phone in the school office if I needed to. It worries me that parents feel like they have to be in touch with their kids 24/7.
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When I was in 5th grade my dad dropped me off for a Saturday volleyball practice that we got the date wrong for, and the gym was locked. It was January in the Midwest, so I walked over to convent next door (Catholic school) and banged on the door until someone let me in and I used their phone.
I think sometimes about how many 10yr olds today would have the same problem solving skills. Phones have hurt kids in ways we donât really fully understand.
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It is because of a story almost exactly like the above that my mother started waiting 5 minutes after I entered any venue before leaving. The theory was that the 5 minutes gave me enough time to find out that the event was canceled and come find her on the street before she left the area.
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My embarrassing story is that I dropped my daughter (probably 8 at the time) off at her piano lesson and left quickly. It was one of those days where I was trying to do 1,000 things at once for three kids, a husband, and a business.
A little later, I got a call (from a landline, my daughter didnât have a cell phone yet). I had dropped her off at the wrong house, next door to the teacherâs! The houses are identical rental units. Thank goodness the homeowner was a nice woman who calmed my daughter down when she was sobbing. So yes, after that, I always waited for a thumbs-up from kids before driving away!
(Huh, not sure why D didnât just walk over to her teacherâs house, now that I think about it. I guess she was too upset.)
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Note that I only shared one of my motherâs screwups with leaving me some place. If I opened up about my own embarrassing stories of distracted parenting, my last post would have been a lot longer! This is why my children know to make their most outrageous requests when I am in the middle of dealing with one of their siblingsâ needs or a work emergency. Chances are Iâll say yes and not even remember that I did!
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Many parts of this article rang true for me.
I was a teacher in the classroom until sometime in 2019, and I definitely saw changes in phone usage/habits. At the time, phones werenât supposed to be seen. The first time, it would be confiscated and needed to be picked up by a guardian at the end of the day. The second time, it could only be picked up after a week. And I think the third time, it was kept until the end of the term. In the earlier years of the policy, parents understood and were in agreement with the school system. In later years, however, parents would get really angry that the smart phones theyâd purchased would be sitting in the office, even if it was the first offense and given back at the end of the day.
In looking at my Gen Z relatives, the ones who were active in sports or a number of extracurriculars turned out to be much more similar in mindset than those who didnât have the same types of outlets to âliveâ their life, and thus ending up living in video games/social media. That said, however, when on a family trip I decided to sit with the Gen Zers rather than their parents (and grandparent). All the Gen Zers were staring at their phones and having very little conversation (i.e., âDid you see this?â and then sharing whatever it was electronically), regardless of the types of ECs they did while growing up. I moved back to sit with the pre-Gen Z adults because we actually were talking to each other.
At one K-8 school Iâm aware of, there has been attempt to get a Wait Until 8th pledge signed so that there will be a sufficiently large cohort of peers without smartphones to help prevent the peer pressure, social isolation, etc, that can be caused by being in a small minority without one. Unfortunately, however, I donât think itâs been very successful yet.
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My family was lucky to live in an area where we could choose a Waldorf Methods Public Charter School. No homework was assigned until 4th grade and recess was an important part of the curriculum. The school strongly suggested no screens at all during the school week (including TV and computer) and prohibited phone use on school grounds. Nearly all of their classmates were similarly digitally âdeprivedâ so it wasnât a problem socially. Both my sons were gifted with IPhones for 8th grade graduation. A couple of years earlier they had IPods without cellular. They were voracious readers, comfortable in nature, and immersed in vocal and instrumental music and art. They attended a regular public high school and took Honors and AP classes. Neither reads for pleasure anymore, and both spend too much time online, but they are thriving in college, have meaningful friendships and relationships, and are grateful for their formative experiences. I agree with the Atlantic article about the opportunity costs of spending childhood living a digital life. How bizarre to read about the existence of a club where children sign up to climb a tree. How unimaginable that children no longer play.
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It saddens me when I feel surprised to see a kid riding a bike in our small town. 
I loved to explore when I was a kid. We lived at the edge of woods and fields that were so cool. Dry creek beds, cactus, a stable with horses, and an abandoned dairy farm we climbed through. My dad built us a treehouse we used through high school.
So in 1996 when we built our house on three forested acres next to a river, I was so excited my kids would have a similar chance to explore. DH built them a really amazing treehouse. But you guessed it, none of them spent much time outdoors at all. I would kick them out sometimes, but they never enjoyed it. Ugh.
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Agree.
I recently read an article from a former Harvard professor - fired, he says, for promoting his stance that schools never should have been closed for Covid (heâs Swedish and uses the data from Swedenâs handling of Covid and them not closing schools). Anyway, the damage is done to the kids that were affected by the Covid school closures and itâs not likely that anyone in the decision-making position will ever be held accountable.
Despite their protests, my kids were not given phones until 8th grade (and my oldest got a flip phone when most of her friends had Blackberryâs). My youngest is a 2003 baby so most of her friends got their first phones for 5th grade graduation gifts. Although I know my kids peruse Instagram and TikTok, they rarely contribute photos to the former and wouldnât be caught dead contributing content to the latter.
Agree, but I think parents are the problem there. If schools try to ban, they are flooded with calls from parents who insist on being able to have access to the kids at all times during the school day for a variety of silly reasons. I applaud the schools that successfully implement that policy. Our school did, but itâs private - they even banned sweatshirts with the front pocket so kids couldnât hide their phones.
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Same. Nowadays though, a kid seen riding alone will no doubt result in a video posted on social media by a âKarenâ, asking âWhere are the PARENTS?!â âWho would let this kid ride ALONE?!â This would be circulated around social media with users from all over the country chanting âCall CPS!â The next thing you know, the parents are made into villains by people who donât even know them, for letting their kid ride a bike, unsupervised.
This is the sad state of our worldâŠ
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Of course that worsened things, but the article has tons of evidence that the deep changes happened before thatâstarting in the eighties to some degree when kids were less allowed free time outside (overall, of course there are exceptions), but dipping dramatically around 2008. Long before lockdowns. One of the authorâs theses is that we are blaming Covid but that only exacerbated a strong trend already present.
Edit: wrong person quoted at top. This was supposed to be referring to quotes that it was mainly the lockdown affecting high school kids of the time.
To be clear, I strongly agree with @MaineLonghorn 's lament about kids not being outside enough.
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My kids got phones at some point early in middles school because they were taking the bus and walking home, and getting dropped off at sports practices. All of a sudden it was âwhere did all the pay phones go?â We were pretty much left without a choice.
There was no social media until the spring/summer before HS. While I made that choice again with the rest of the kids, I realized at that point that it was not without costs. While it kept her away from the drama my D was very much âoutâ of the inside jokes and what was going on with everyone. It made it harder for her do be part of the group.
Similarly, while we were not into video games we bought an Xbox when S was in second grade. The only thing everyone talked about at school was Minecraft and he had no idea what it was and couldnât really join in the conversation.
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The elementary school up the street from my house has their bike racks full when the weather is good. I pass lots of kids riding alone when Iâm on my morning walks. I still see kids out playing and riding their bikes after school too. Also kids using public transportation. I live in a very walkable, ridable area, with sidewalks and bike lanes. Wonder if that makes a difference too.
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