<p>As a straight male, I think the OP has hit on some truth, but in a roundabout way. I have become convinced over the last few years that there are some universal rules inherent to who we are as human beings, that remain true no matter how “normal” “unusual” or “complex” a person is. I can’t speak about non-heterosexual relationships, but I would suspect they follow a lot of the same principles.</p>
<p>1) Desire is based on perceived demand.
This is where the chase/the game come into play. The paradox is that if a potential mate is unavailable, she (or he) becomes more desirable. If available, then she must not be as good a mate if no one else wants her. Which leads to…</p>
<p>2) Desire is also based on perceived value among competitors.
I think that this is more true for women, but it also holds true for men (going back to what an earlier poster said about men wanting action vs women wanted confirmation). If a lot of a girl’s friends think a guy is attractive, she is more likely to think that that guy is attractive. This was an evolutionary mechanism to evaluate which mates were worth pursuing.</p>
<p>3) Men and women don’t want the same thing.
It seems obvious, but it’s true. Hugely generalizing, men want a lot of sex and women want stable sex. It stems from something called “differential parental investment,” which basically means that because the biological investment to produce a child is much greater for women (9 months of providing for two human beings, and likely about 15 to 20 years beyond that) vs men (15 minutes of energy expended, 2 minutes if the woman is unlucky), women tend to be much pickier about selecting mates, whereas men want to pass on their genes to as many offspring as possible. This fundamental dichotomy is responsible for a lot of the differences and tension in relationships between men and women.</p>
<p>The most sexually successful men are the ones who innately and subconciously know all of this. Everyone else either learns and does well, or doesn’t, and stumbles on limited success or flounders.</p>
<p>In terms of addressing what the OP said, most of the guys I know are not “wussies.” Regardless of their success with women, they don’t have any problem making a move. Also, as a RULE, if a man finds a woman attractive, and there are no consequences to doing so, he will have sex with her. Sure, I have female friends who I am content with not boning, but either I don’t find them attractive, or I totally want to bang them but the consequences of my making a move and potentially getting shut down would outweigh the benefits when there are so many fish in the sea.</p>