Things to boost the odds of your average excellent child

I feel like @jonri has a good point. My S goes to a very average high school and said he wanted to be a professional musician and to study music in college. He might have only prepared for that at his high school, but I asked if he wanted to go out and see what people are doing. So he finds that he benefits quite a bit being involved in the more focused programs outside of school. He has more of a sense of what is out there. Like he is part of the bigger world. Even if it would not appear on his resume, it would appear in his person.

“Very different younger son pursued origami because it was fun.” :)>-

I think jonri has some good suggestions. There’s nothing wrong with finding/suggesting opportunities to expand those activities/interests already chosen and enjoyed by the child.

If it helps with college too, hey, there’s a side benefit.

Some good ideas, but I’m saddened by the conversation I just had with a colleague at work whose highly qualified daughter (great stats, stellar extracurriculars) is disappointed in her admissions results. According to CC wisdom, this kid did everything right and still the odds weren’t in her favor. Having to work at “branding” a teenager is a good sign that our society has gone completely mad.

@stradmom “Branding” – you hit the nail on the head!

How did we get this twisted?

It seems to me that folks would not have this same reaction if we said, say, “If you want to be recruited by colleges for soccer, you should really play on a competitive club team.”

Just don’t be a contest-head. Some of the activities named are good experiences, all by themselves.

Anything that’s a dime a dozen award not well vetted isn’t going to cut it, except sitting on your bedroom wall. Some kid once kept pm’ing me how he won his newspaper’s writing award and wouldn’t that get him into Stanford?

On that note, when my kid was interested in detective writing, she entered a national contest. Got an Honorable mention. I stuck it in a cheap frame on her wall and all her friends were impressed.

I’m not really dismissing these things. But do them because you want an outlet, not because you think just having some award, any old award, somehow validates you for a top college.

I always think of parenting in these areas as surfing. If you stay tuned in to your child’s interests, as they develop, you surf that interest wave by finding things that help them develop. This is just good for the kid, if you can afford it and if they have time and if you are free to transport them :slight_smile:

Developing interests and strengths is obviously a good thing. College admissions should not be the goal when doing this, but can certainly be a by-product.

I personally discouraged competitions as a way to validate talent, though high schools have drama guilds and at some point, a young writer or artist or composer might submit something to a competition. Dance competitions can interfere with training and I think that “winning” in any artistic area can be a distraction from learning. Molding one’s work to the judges and the marketplace early on can be counterproductive.

That said, there are many ways to get a student’s work out there. Have a show at a senior center. Put art on tee shirts. Dance in a local company. Create a concert to benefit an organization. Write on local issues for the newspaper. Be part of the world in a helpful way.

There is nothing more exciting than watching our kids grow up and become thriving people with things they love to do. If we can help that along, we should. The college thing will take care of itself.

Cal Newport’s book and the original post are both great guides to college admissions, but parenting is broader than that, one hopes :slight_smile: But thanks for a thoughtful post that will help those who are trying to figure out "holistic"admissions.

Those are nice sentiments, compmom, but your suggestions seem more geared toward demonstrating civic engagement rather than art talent. Art on a T-shirt, while certainly nice and far above the capability of anyone in my family, nonetheless seems to be the epitome of the excellent “average” we’re talking about. Sure, the honor may be reserved for the best artist in the kid’s high school class who wins the contest for who gets to design the T-shirt for the class of 2018, but it will not carry the same weight as winning a juried competition. Being a good artist for your high school is like graduating in the top 1% of your class. It is not going to make you stand out in admissions.

I understand your comment. The assumption behind my post is that you are studying the art, sorry. I am just bigger on training than competitions. I think that at high school age, it is better not to learn to be motivated by external awards and prizes etc. because those are short term results and distractions. But that is just me.

Each step of training leads to the next, and I think accomplishments can happen naturally at a high enough level to help develop the artist ( and as a byproduct, the application). Teachers are often the facilitators of accomplishments that help with admissions, thought that is rarely the motive.

The work itself is what is submitted to colleges.

A supplement should also have an arts resume and recommendations from teachers or directors of the activity. I would say it is important to go outside of school, and outside of the local area usually, to really develop, and that training or performance or showing or whatever ends up on the resume without the need for contests.

The suggestions above were merely ways to engage with the outside world in ways other than competitions. Colleges really don’t need competition results to judge applicant’s work.

@TheGFG On the other hand, being a good citizen in your area of interest shows something significant, especially if you’re not planning on majoring in that area, but want to foreground it in an app to show how meaningful it was to you.

My S is a very good musician, but definitely not at the level of majoring in it. He really enjoyed being in the music program at our school, but did not make the regional band the one time he tried out. In HS, he was in marching band, concert band, orchestra, brass ensemble, and jazz band. He also was in a low-brass group some friends and he put together for fun. And he played in a local youth concert band that took HS and a few college students from the immediate area, based in our town.

But additionally, he was a section leader, quartermaster for the marching band, and eventually president of the youth band. As president, he also by default was the youth band’s rep on the local Music Federation. All of this was, first, really character-building, as he was otherwise not the join and run things type, but it forced him out of his comfort zone and helped him grow as a person.

And incidentally, showed that he was a good citizen and leader in the area he cared about. Organically, not specifically for resume building.

This was a very moderate income, non-competitive kind of school, so he found the places he could excel, without a huge monetary outlay. Not awards, but commitment.

I guess I was thinking of a friend’s son who was very talented musically. He spent hours composing songs in his room but had done little more that was verifiable than participate in the school ensembles and a garage band. Since he was not going to major in music, his colleges were not interested in any sort of art supplement. His mother was worried that his effort and talent were not going to be properly showcased on his college application. She had asked him to submit some work to a composing competition etc., but he refused for the noble reasons compmom gave.

And what garland’s son did certainly demonstrated his love for and interest in music, as well as other qualities such as leadership. It doesn’t really show talent per se, but that’s fine since that was not his goal. I suppose the question is whether the local accomplishments, while fantastic in my opinion, are enough anymore for the unhooked applicant. Or are they just excellent average? It seems to me that those who are admitted to the best schools have some really high level regional, national, or international achievement; that is where the submissions to national publications or competitions come into play. The point is, how should the student PROVE how great he is, or make his talent stand out from that of others who are at the same level? (By the way, my kids did none of this sort of thing, so I’m not personally advocating anything from experience. I just think what jonri is saying makes logical sense. That said, D2 had a national ranking in her sport just through the times run rather than any national level competition, so I guess she didn’t need it. But what if there were 20 girls with her same time, but several of them had gone to the nationals meet and done well and D hadn’t. I think D would have lost out to them in a head to head admissions recruiting scenario.)

This seems pertinent:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2016/04/01/6-ways-good-parents-contribute-to-their-childs-anxiety/

"Eventually positive affirmation turns to pressure…Complement your kids when they excel, but don’t make their excellence a reason to expect even more from them. Overly high expectations can create performance anxiety where there used to be joy and fulfillment. "

“It’s possible that some of the parenting practices you’re most proud of are actually making things worse.”

I remember my oldest being told by an admissions counselor how much they appreciate seeing a long term regular old paid job on an application. It shows many of the qualities colleges are seeking in students. He had worked as a barista year round during the last two years of high school. (Back when that particular coffee shop hired 16 year olds for part time positions.) He played sports, and had the usual other average excellent meaningless EC’s. But a lowly job as a barista stood out as different.

That’s comforting! However, when my older ones were applying, there were threads on CC that discussed the fact that some adcoms looked down on lifeguarding jobs (something to do with the image of hanging around the country club I think?), which were the best and most available jobs for teens in our area. That was a depressing thought.

you specifically mentioned national portfolio day. afaik, ANYONE can go to NPD…i have no idea how or why this would be an accomplishment.

i guess i just dont get it. i’m with GFG in that unless you have some huge national honor, no one is going to be impressed that you submitted something to some random contest. again, for the most part, ANYONE can take the initiative and submit an entry for some of the things you mention…i’m lost on how that makes one a standout or even how one would frame it on a resume.

When S was accepted to his school, even though it was 10 years ago, the acceptance rates were only very slightly higher than this year’s reported ones. So I don’t know about about excellent average. SOMETHING stood out about an unhooked white kid from Jersey with the usual good scores/grades, being accepted to a school with a sub-seven percent rate. I do think his passion about ordinary interests helped (though I also think he wrote a kickass essay. :slight_smile: )

I found @jonri 's suggestions to be useful. There is a difference between building upon what a kid is already doing and manufacturing ECs because they look good. External validation does matter; why else would be we have standardized tests? From reading on this board, I see homeschooled kids putting a lot of effort into SATs and AP tests to demonstrate that their straight As are not a reflection of parental bias.

We are not aiming for the Ivies but we are aiming for merit scholarships at medium tier schools. Within reason, boosts that come from outside the student’s high school community can’t hurt. For example, my D1 was encouraged by a teacher to submit a short story to a contest that she had written for a foreign language class. The application was the work of a moment. She promptly forgot about it and just found out that she won first prize for the state! Did this damage her psyche and increase her anxiety level? I don’t think so.

Moderation in all things seems to be the takeaway message here. Be judicious in encouraging what might be taken to the next level.

"It seems to me that folks would not have this same reaction if we said, say, “If you want to be recruited by colleges for soccer, you should really play on a competitive club team.”

^^I agree. However, in sports, getting playing time at a Division I school is necessary to launch a professional career in the NBA or NFL or whatever. If you don’t play Division I sports (or get recruited straight out of high school), your dream of making it into the big leagues basically goes up in smoke. On the other hand, in getting a good education, acceptance into an elite school is one of many paths that lead to success. You may need the NBA to succeed as a basketball player, but luckily, you don’t need Harvard to succeed as an engineer, artist…etc.

Parents are already maximizing their effort and dollars to groom their children to be competitive candidates for elite schools. The growing ranks of the of average “excellent” student is a symptom of the escalation of these efforts. It saddens me that this escalation continues to happen when the odds are in the low and mid single digits. It’s a very narrow path to the elites, full of emotional tumult ultimately resulting in disappointment for the overwhelming majority.

The validation of awards and contests is gratifying for many other reasons. For elite college admissions, it may not help at all since everyone else is doing the same thing (or in the case of cheaters, or pretending to do the same thing).

Yup. And this is also something a lot of parents push their kids into, IMO.

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That’s a breadth and depth in music, garland. And that’s good. Different than saying, “taught myself guitar.” Or won a one shot award. Or played for senior citizens a few times/year.

“how should the student PROVE how great he is” That’s just it. Unless you’re trying for a top spot on a prominent athletic team or trying to get into a top conservatory, who needs to prove this sort of EC with a state or national award? Garland’s son showed commitment and a rise in level, for something that required skill and practice, and presumably satisfying the standards his band teachers hold. (It’s also some maturity.) Not different than x years in dance and then performance(s) or regularly dancing in the hs musical. Very different than just taking lessons. It’s both commitment and using that learning. You don’t have to be the lead or concertmaster, but should participate. And it’s good when you participate in ways for your high school.

Again, it’s not the hierarchical thing of who wins, but who’s a great kid who’ll probably add to the college community.

But I think jonri was talking about schools where this sort of experience and commitment are not possible. What if there are no bands? This is something where you often have to think outside the box.