Dear OP, please know that this is very temporary!!! Maybe from now until your graduation (and party if you have one), you’ll have to answer the question about where you are going. And just think, every time you answer it, that’s one less person you have to go through this with. Then it’s all over and you can start on your path. Remember your original feelings about the elites. You’ll get through it. Congrats on your achievement and for reaching out for help. It’s so normal to have some second guessing with such a big decision, it’s part of the process.