<p>We seldom seem to be able to plan far enough ahead to get the bargain tickets, so we end up paying for the enjoyment of having DD home for the maximum days. It seems as though she comes home less and less. :(</p>
<p>It is interesting about “coming home.” </p>
<p>My experience was that in the second half of freshman year and fully by his soph year, my S had developed friends and had such passionate interests that he could engage in at HIS “home,” i.e., college, that the trips to my town were usually more for me than for him.</p>
<p>Save and except the summer after his freshman year, S had jobs or additional major related activities so that he only “visited” us. (a week, 10 days). He was at school 750-ish miles away.</p>
<p>Do students who live closer to where their parents live tend to come “home” more? IS that what you want them to be doing in college?</p>
<p>Im a student who goes to school just 20 minutes away from home and i tend to come home a lot, not every weekend but a couple times a month. At first my parents wouldn’t really let me come home because they wanted me to adjust but in my opinion, if you’re able to go home easily, might as well take advantage of that</p>
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<p>Yes, D1 came home every school break, even when she was going off to summer internships, she would come home before and after. We valued the time we had with her. D1 is now working 12-16 hours a day, sometimes weekends, we don’t even have time to talk sometimes. I do miss her.</p>
<p>D2 is going off to college this Sep. If we stayed where we are, D2 would be 2000 miles away. I am considering a “lesser job” so I could be closer to my kids, and my parents. I want to be able to drive up to see D2 perform sometimes, do a girls’ weekend, and have her come home for midterm breaks. I know, like D1, she will be gone soon enough.</p>
<p>I am not asking my kids not to do what they want to do because of distance, but I am willing to make some sacrifice on my part so I could have more time with them, and I am fortunate that my employer is going to be flexible with me.</p>
<p>We were able to see the kiddo who was two hours away much more easily. He didn’t come here…but we were able to go there after work, see a performance and drive home.</p>
<p>The other kiddo was 3000 miles away and we saw her at Christmas and in the summer. I will say, I would have loved to just see her play in that college orchestra just once. But concerts were either on Thursdays or Sundays and a long weekend 3000 miles away was costly both in airfare and time.</p>
<p>If she’s talking “peace of mind” I imagine she’s envisioning some night when the phone rings and she learns you are in a medical care situation of some kind. Typical examples during college: sleeping over at college clinic with high fever/flu, or waiting to be seen in a local hospital emergency room because something happened on a weekend and the clinic was closed.</p>
<p>Perhaps in such situations, your mom now imagines she’d jump into that car and drive to you to stand by you. But in fact, when 2 of ours went to colleges 4 hours drive away, same as the 1 who went 3,000 miles, we just heard about those events as they happened, and monitored them by phone. We didn’t jump into any cars for the close ones, nor planes for the far one. </p>
<p>If there had ever been a truly awful accident that required our presence (I’m talking about big car accident/trauma/head injury stuff) then we’d have been better off to fly out than drive with shaking nervous hands for hours. Thankfully no such emergency happened to anyone of ours. </p>
<p>Even in the most terrible scenario – let’s say, you’re in Minnesota and need weeks of intensive care in a hospital after an accident… SHE COULD and WOULD FLY THERE. It’d be an emergency. As a one-time expense, she’d handle the non-discount air ticket. </p>
<p>A lot of what she’s imagining you’d need her for, you simply won’t need her for. You can get through the flu alone in a different city’s dorm room; students weather this all the time. You can negotiate your pathway through a one-day outpatient episode in a hospital emergency room by yourself or with a pal. You might call her by phone as it unfolds to call her for advice, but she doesn’t need to go beside you to an emerg room. She doesn’t know that, and so she’s imagining herself doing those things and wanting “peace of mind” to jump into a car at any problem. I think you need to tell her that she doesn’t have to provide the kind of help she’s imagining. Also a college is an institution with people and resources to assist and guide during typical student emergencies. You’re not moving out onto the streets here.</p>
<p>I have never paid less than 200 for an airline ticket for son flying in and out of MSP. Maybe MSP is an expensive hub (which I don’t doubt), but you also have to take time into consideration. If there are no options for direct flights, even if you’re willing to pay for them or get lucky on a cheap fair, “weekends” turn into a day due to travel time. </p>
<p>However, when we spent Christmas out east it was actually less to fly him into a regional airport than it would have been in gas and tolls to drive the 7/8 hours to pick him up at $134. And then for $40, he took the mega bus to DC to hang with friends before going back to school in January.</p>
<p>And as someone pointed out… as the years have gone by, he spends less time traveling to “home” except as semi-layovers. We’re insisting he fly home for his sister’s HS graduation but this time he’ll take a car back. But then we have to worry about parking fees, insurance, gas, oil changes, maintenance. Seriously… This empty nest stuff is seriously misleading to the bank account!</p>
<p>“Do students who live closer to where their parents live tend to come “home” more? IS that what you want them to be doing in college?” </p>
<p>Our son goes to school 25 minutes from our house. We just happen to live really close to the state flagship school, which is how he ended up there. He’s a sophomore, very independent, typical college student. He comes home for the holiday breaks, just like other college students, and that’s the only time we see him unless we sneak in an occasional Sunday brunch in his neighborhood. He was raised in a quiet little suburb and is now in the middle of an urban area. It might as well be across the country as far as he’s concerned. You don’t necessarily have to travel far distances to get diverse experiences.</p>
<p>@paying3tuitions…great points! I can’t believe I never thought of those whenever I’d been confronted with that argument before! Will definitely have to use them.</p>
<p>I try to think about it from the kid’s perspective as to whether close at home matters. I’ve one child that went across country and it has been rough–she didn’t really develop the relationships and “dive in” (the way I did when I headed out to college). For her, a closer school would have been better. However, I suspect #2 will go away and never look back.</p>
<p>One thing that would be helpful if you do go far away to college is to establish a relationship with a local family. Churches in college towns often have “adopt a student” programs, and sometimes the colleges themselves sponsor such programs (although some are only for international students). My daughter (who isn’t that far away) has such a relationship with a college employee and her family. I know that if something were to happen, I could contact that family and they would help her. Also, when I studied abroad years ago, I participated in an adopt a student program. It was wonderful for me. The family and I became very close, they cooked me meals and drove me to see local sites, and my parents must have had some peace of mind knowing that other adults were looking out for me.</p>