tips for future moms on how to do it all...?

Parent Cafe
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<p>I was lucky with my first to be working in Germany. I got paid 6 months maternity leave (it’s more now I think). Then we moved to the states and between moving and buying a house I was pretty busy. I started looking for work when mathson was about a year and a half old.I didn’t stay home full time nearly as long with my second. (He got six weeks.) For me, family daycare (my next door neighbor with a baby the same age) took care of the day care question. Working half time gave me the baby time I wanted while still allowing me to keep a foot in the door in my field. I also have friends who did job sharing. My husband is pretty good about helping out and for quite a few years he was the one who took care of kids while I went to weekend art classes. He also took them to sports except when he was out of town. While he didn’t take time off, as a professor/scientist he’s his own boss for the most part and he learned that he could take kids to the doctor occasionally. Once the kids were in school I arranged my hours so that I saw clients either while they were in school or in the evenings and weekends when dh was home. As my kids have gotten older I’ve taken on more hours and eventually found that working at home was even better than having to worry about daycare (when my friend moved away.)</p>

<p>Jonri’s observation about finding a neighborhood with similar Moms is good I think. I didn’t plan it that way, but I did find that most of my friends followed a similar trajectory. A bit of fulltime motherhood (La Leche League attachment parenting etc.) followed by part time and now mostly full time work. Our local playground is about half stay-at-home Moms and half nannies.</p>

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<p>I like your parent-on-duty concept, Kei-o-lei! (not criticizing the POD, etc.). Tha’s a hard thing to remember…</p>

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<p>Thanks for your comments, everyone… They’re extremely helpful. I like the part about being responsible when working from home because the reason I deserted my thread for a few days was because I worked an 18 hour day yesterday, followed by a 12 hour day today, so I’m a wee bit sleepy. My bosses KNOW they can trust me, which is great. (And now I can surf CC, watch a movie, have a good dinner, and fall asleep for eight or ten hours surrounded by two purring cats. Life is good!)</p>

<p>I’m very, very lucky to have a really amazing husband. We’ve been together for nine years now, and I don’t have the superlatives to describe how fabulous he is. We like taking care of one another, we openly discuss parenting strategies and what we’d do in certain situations so that we can be a united front later on, when we argue we <em>discuss</em> rather than yell (that was a learned skill for both of us… he’s ye stereotypical Irish Catholic boy and I’m the daughter of two stubborn spitfires…), he takes care of the finances but we have monthly financial pow-wows where we sit down and go over all the graphs and trends and budgets. We both do the cleaning, we both do the cooking, and I’m really looking forward to seeing what an amazing dad he’ll be. The two of us have such a sense of “us” that we’re both looking forward to this next great adventure together… and it really will be together.</p>

<p>And he’s quite aware that he needs to start budgeting for a weekly housekeeper. ;)</p>

<p>He’s lucky enough to be a college music professor, so he has very flexible hours, summers paid and completely vacant of classes or committees (he <em>should</em> be composing, but he can do that in between midnight and 4 AM feedings, right? :wink: ), and with the omnipresent college students in a music department that bonds like family, we’ll have all the babysitting we can eat. </p>

<p>At this point, I’m not absolutely certain of what I’m going to do, and that’s okay. We’ll play it by ear. I know full well that I won’t be able to do everything… My mom was a do-everything Supermom who devoted her every waking minute to spending all her time with us or with her demanding and challenging career, or volunteering for everything in her “spare” time, and I watched her dramatically dissolve into mental illness as we got older. While I know that her illnesses have nothing to do with her “do-it-all” attitude, my experiences watching my mom sacrifice her SELF for the sake of her “priorities” were very I-Love-Lucy/Chocolate-Factory-Episode… I have a VERY healthy respect for the importance of taking care of yourself as a result. (And yep, I work on all this in therapy!)</p>

<p>It’s incredibly helpful, though, to see how others have coped, and to hear about some of the strategies that others have used. My family has served as excellent role models on some things, but on others… not so much. I’m grateful for input from such a fabulous group of women, and I thank you.</p>

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<p>"Jonri’s observation about finding a neighborhood with similar Moms is good I think. "</p>

<p>+1. I cried a lot at first when the SAHM’s made ugly remarks about me working, but I’d do it again in a heartbeat. I’m in a high-tech field. While it might be possible to take years off and return I’ve never met anyone who did it. The upside…I ended up with two delightful and resourceful sons. Both can cook (one better than I can) and their wives will thank me one day! Since middle-school both were responsible for setting their alarms, calling/texting me to say they were up and getting themselves to school (neighbor on call for rainy days). I hear people questioning if their college kids will be able to handle doing that and when I read that I’m the one thinking the nasty remarks :-).</p>

<p>Best of luck to you! Enjoy that time. You BLINK and they’re applying to college!!!</p>

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<p>Great advice.</p>

<p>I believe it is possible to have it all, but it is extremely difficult to have it all at the same time. </p>

<p>A few things I discovered:
You may be surprised to discover the degree to which becoming a parent will change your definition of success.
It is impossible to predict the particular joys and challenges that will accompany the birth and rearing of any individual child.
If you are looking at the option of working part of the time from home, arrange child care for that time, and ignore any clutter, dust, laundry, etc.</p>

<p>You will make it work for you and your family.</p>

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<p>alibarr–you sound like you have a great foundation, with the solid partnership of the two of you. I’m sure it will work out! Getting tips/advice (as you are) is helpful (I’m doing that too, as I transition to another stage!). </p>

<p>Whatever slot you land in (& it probably will change over the years) – SAHM full-time, pt-time work from home, etc. ---- it’s good to find buddies in the same boat. When I was a SAHM I was in a moms’ club, several playgroups & had fabulous resources to talk to people handling exactly the same things (from midnight feedings to economizing to be able to stay at home…). When I went back to work part-time, I found moms who did the same thing (in my professional field) & exchanged ideas, got support. Now that I’m looking to full-time work, I’m doing the same thing (hence the thread here on CC!). </p>

<p>Some of the happiest days of my life were also some of the most stressful (new baby) – it’s an amazing, wonderful experience.</p>

<p>All the best!</p>

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<p>I was a working mom for 5 years (first 2 kids) and have stayed home for 16 (5 more kids). My advice is: Think about the roles a mom has to play and be ready.</p>

<p>One example: I never wanted to be a nurse, but my kids got sick (vomiting, diarrhea, fevers, unidentifiable rashes, etc.), and injured (hurt feelings, scrapes, cuts, bruises, broken bones. . .and worse) and I had to clean it up, make it better, and decide when to go to the doc or ER. Brush up on first aid (and stain removal!) so you’ll be prepared for whatever happens–because things WILL happen.</p>