My best advice as the parent of an ASD/ADHD college student is let go of all preconceived notions of what the college experience should be like or what “elite/elite-ish” college you think they should go to and focus on the absolute best fit and environment for THEM. For D20 that meant ruling out NCSU engineering for example; even though her close friends were heading there, the program felt too competitive-focused for her. She really wanted a welcoming, collaborative program and school. We had the benefit of an 18 year heads-up, so we planned for different scenarios: she may need to live at home and commute, she may need to reduce her load to part-time, she may need to take a semester off. We didn’t know what would happen, so we had to have safety nets in place and then be very flexible as things play out.
One of my favorite tv show lines is from Ross in Friends: “PIVOT!!!” That sums it up; something happens, and we pivot and try something else. As a type A/OCD person, I’ve become surprisingly adept at adjusting on the fly 