<p>Never read either of my Ds essays. Not a one. THey had approached a teacher who loved proofing essays, go figure. I would suggest essay ideas if they had writers block. They got the essay’s proofed for typos, etc by gc and my mom, who didn’t ready for content, but for runon sentences, spelling,e tc.</p>
<p>Still haven’t read an essay. We did talk about them, however.</p>
<p>There is nothing at all wrong or unethical with editing your child’s essays, as long as the child wants you to. The important part is to remember that you are EDITING, not writing the essay, that your job is to make SUGGESTIONS and let the child decide which ones to take, and that your student’s voice needs to come through.</p>
<p>I use the edit mode on Word. Kid emails it to me, I email it back with my suggested changes (cuts/reword/rephrase/spelling & punctuation fixes). If they like my suggestions, great. If not, it’s their application. </p>
<p>My D’s BF asked me to edit his essay and I did. Now I see that there could be a pitfall there - his essay was ok, but if it had been really bad I’m not sure I would have felt comfortable giving him honest feedback!</p>
<p>I don’t remember if I edited D1’s essay. With D2 (currently working on her essay), the process is going much like Lafalum’s…I’ve made some suggestions or put ??'s where I think the wording could be improved, but it’s up to her whether or not to take the suggestions.</p>
<p>We never saw our son’s or daughter’s essays or short responses. Neither wanted us involved and we had to trust that they, in the end, were well taught. Therefore their essays accurately reflected their ability and both proved successful.</p>
<p>As an adult, and someone who writes regularly, I would never send out an important document without passing it by someone I trust. I ask that person to proofread carefully and make any suggestions they would like. I then discuss their suggestions, make grammatical changes and consult with reference manuals. I hope that I have taught my children to do the same. When something is important, it is wise to seek a second set of eyes. I’ve been writing for many years and I know that I am not perfect and welcome the suggestions of others - it does not mean I have to take every suggestion - but they are welcomed!</p>
<p>Edit the essay.</p>
<p>I would also look over son’s Eng papers, occasionally (but just for grammar and a little style-- he would adamently refuse any suggestions on substance/content). I’d put suggestions in bold next to paragraphs (e.g. diff word choice here?).</p>
<p>I thought maybe I was too involved, until son started editing the papers of his other friends (in AP Eng & AP history–using the same bolded comments style) and eventually edited the app essays of a kid applying to Penn & other Ivy league schools.</p>
<p>So…maybe they are learning a bit about the process of editing itself. I always told my son when making suggestions: “The goal is for you to do this for yourself, eventually. Never turn in your first draft…edit, edit.”</p>
<p>Word has a Reviewing Toolbar that’s really great for editing and commenting (provisions for both). You can click “Track Changes” and it will do just that.</p>
<p>It was the first assignment in my oldest son’s senior AP English class so I did nothing but check the spelling and punctuation before the final cut and paste. I did not make any comments or suggest any changes - that occured in the classroom. I did not particularly “like” his essay or his style of allegorical writing, but it was really, really “his voice.” He is a very good writer and one of his college profs told him he was one of the best he’d had in years so what do I know :-)</p>
<p>Hi, Garland,</p>
<p>Perhaps you should reread my message or perhaps I should attempt to make my point clearer. I said I, not the original poster, had the urge to rewrite, edit, etc. I also said the parent could edit, if asked by the child. However, I suggested that task might be better accomplished by someone else and that the student may be better served by getting someone other than the parent involved. </p>
<p>I believe that a rising senior applying to college needs to be learning quickly how to adapt to life without much parental involvement.</p>
<p>In a few months, todays seniors won’t have mommy and daddy around to edit or do other things for them. They will be asking others for help. When my kid was a senior, he may have been a bit immature for his age at the time, so we started preparing him for college by having him do his own laundry, clean his room and…yes…even get help from someone else with editing his essay. My kid got accepted to 7 out of 8 colleges where he applied, got numerous full ride or full tuition scholarship offers and made the transition to college and young adulthood without a hitch. Somehow he managed all this without good ol’ dad crossing the t’s and dotting the i’s for him. </p>
<p>In the original posters case, they clearly stated the student would be fine with some parental input. If the husband and wife have to have a discussion about it whether or not they should get involved, they seem to be disagreeing about their ability to stay on the proper side of the line drawn by the student. I was a journalism major, so I know I would have gone too far, so I avoided unnecessary conflict and helped my son learn that sometimes you have to get others involved.</p>
<p>Of course, no one prescription is good for everyone, but this worked for our family. We will be doing the same with our daughter in a couple years. I think preparing your kid to handle things on their own also helps the parent deal with the separation on that inevitable day when they take off for college.</p>
<p>That’s great that things worked out so well for your son, gnusasaurus. I just don’t know that you can extrapolate from ‘didn’t edit son’s essay’ to—> multiple, full ride scholarships and a successful transition. A lot of people foster the independence of their kids as departure approaches – but wouldn’t think that letting an essay go out potentially unedited (if child did not decide to ask someone else) would be a necessary component of that ‘cutting the apron strings’ process. </p>
<p>Of course if the kid says no, then you should respect that (although counsel seeking other sources of review).</p>
<p>You are the one that made that extrapolation. Using one sentence to write an argumentative post to me. I would write the correct extrapolation for you, but you will be better off to reread my posts, consider them in their entirety and attempt to discover it for yourself. Have a great day.</p>
<p>Well, “Back off and let the student handle it unless they come to you asking for help.” Is pretty clear. In some cases (often, boys, I think) they’ll feel that the work product (most often writing, particularly writing that involves emotional expression) is “just fine” on the first draft. My son is like that. I considered it my parental duty to show him (as a former journalist, also!) the value of editing a product that seems “just fine” in the first draft.</p>
<p>Of course the goal is that they handle stuff on their own and see the need for editing on their own. I think my son got closer to that, at the end of the app process.</p>
<p>In the beginning of college admiss process, my son tossed off a one-draft essay to a school he suddenly liked (because he met an attractive girl who attended…!). He did not get in. He later sent his well-thought-out, multiple edit essays (done by him) to other, far, far more competitive schools & got in (w/$ & honors offered, in some cases). So I can see the value of a kid being encouraged to edit and get feedback (whether it be parents or a teacher or other adult). It can change the course of their future. Do you want to advocate stepping aside on principle? I wouldn’t.</p>
<p>Perhaps I have given the impression that I was not very involved in the college selection process. Nothing could be farther from reality. There isnt a bigger helicoper dad here than me. I perceive my role in my kids search as manager and coach and ask them tons of questions and give lots of encouragement. Any parent who visits this website is highly involved in their kids college selection process. Just ask my 10th grade daughter how involved dad is. </p>
<p>In answer to your question do you want to advocate steeping aside on principle? If you mean stepping aside from writing or editing their essay, the answer is yes. I do not suggest stepping away as their coach and manager.</p>
<p>I think the assumption on CC is that all parents here are v. involved and concerned with their child(ren)'s education/college app process. The subject matter of this site pretty much makes that clear!</p>
<p>I think each parent has a slightly different take on how to best help their kids – which makes CC such an informative and helpful forum! I’ve learned lots from all different perspectives!</p>
<p>
To me, this is an important point. I don’t think any teenager can really understand this, and it’s important for an adult to read the essay to gauge how other adults might react. Indeed, I think it’s a good idea for an adult who’s not a member of the student’s family to read it.
I edited my son’s essays, but a fair amount of it was: “You said you proofread this? Are you SURE you did? The first paragraph?”</p>
<p>Thanks to all who responded to my initial inquiry. I really appreciate everyone’s point of view. I guess it comes down to what our child wants. However, I agree with the professional writers that no professional, important document is sent to a client or published without an editor looking at it and making suggestions. The question is who should that editor be for our children’s essays. I agree that it should be up to the individual child to choose their editor.</p>
<p>I also believe that senior year in high school is a time for us as parents to realize that we have to trust our children at some level. Every family has a different definition of what that means to them. For me, letting go is hard. I am trying to let my D make her own decisions for the most part. After all, my D will be in college next year without me next to her.</p>
<p>Well enough pontificating!!! Good luck to all parents and their decision to edit or not to edit. I guess the key is to be happy with whatever we decide.</p>
<p>Gnu–perhaps I was misled by your comparison of parental input on essays being the equivalent of doing their third grade projects for them.</p>
<p>If it’s just a case of–they should ask someone else, not mom or dad–then I think that’s a big “depends.” As a college English instructor myself, and a writer, I actually think I was the best resource available to my kids (as did they). Similarly, I still go to my H as my best first editor, not because I’m somehow overly dependent on him, but because he is the best eyes I know.</p>
<p>What works best for different individuals is often different; regardless, help on the essays is just about always a good idea.</p>