I think tracking your kids is a horrible idea. I agree with Carolyn 100%.
I highly recommend the “Black Mirror” called “Arkangel.”
“In the episode, the single mother Marie (Rosemarie DeWitt) enrolls her daughter Sara in a trial of Arkangel , an implanted technology which allows Marie to track Sara’s location, current vision and hearing, and automatically censors distressing material.”
Let’s just say it did not end well. Of course it’s a little over the top, but not that much, apparently.
I worry that we’re trying to protect our kids 24/7. For one thing, it’s not possible. For another, they need to learn to navigate life without Mommy swooping in to save them. And I know there are exceptions. My ill son is one of them.
Tracking options didn’t exist when my ds was in high school/early college. So, I have never used them for him. Had they been available, I can’t deny that I probably would have wanted to use them.
I think the struggle is weaning oneself off as they get older. It’s one thing if they don’t mind it. It’s another if they do. But, I also get the power of the purse thinking that could happen while in college. When you’re paying for everything you feel a bit more entitled, I think.
I have a friend who tracks her college kids. It definitely causes her anxiety.
My ds has traveled all over the world, and it is sometimes nerve-wracking. Especially when he is alone, but that doesn’t happen very often. I was a bit nervous when he was by himself for five days in the Philippines getting scuba certified. He is neither a sharer of itineraries nor flight schedules. He has at least gotten better at letting us know when he is back home in the states. He also did a solo cross-country US trip in an RV during Covid. We only had a vague sense of where he was going and when.
I think for me, I wouldn’t mind having it, but I doubt I’d use it. I never used the grade-checking thingie when he was in high school either. That aforementioned friend who tracks her kids used that constantly. It’s a control issue.
The grade checking thingy I could not use. My kids went to a private K-8/9 school that didn’t have it, but the public high school did. I used it for a bit with older S. I would get all bent out of shape when teachers would enter 10s instead of 100s. Or no grades would be listed. It wasn’t long after that I made my kid change the password on me, so I could never see it again.
Same, DD & I remain on 360 together. The app sits 4 swipes back on my phone; I don’t open it unless there’s an issue, but it’s still active because SHE wants it that way. She was the one who suggested it years ago when she started driving, and she wants it to remain for her safety. We haven’t used it regularly since DD first started driving; her team practice was 30 minutes away at night. She liked that it sent me a notification when she arrived because it was one less thing for her to remember. We stopped notifications before senior year of HS. We now live in a rural area with 55 mph winding and mountain roads; driving alone on these roads at night can be scary and dangerous at times, especially if it’s raining. 360 reassures her we can find her if needed. I don’t open the app unless she wants me to check up on her; monitoring it regularly would definitely cause anxiety for me and be an invasion of privacy for her. Now that she’s older, she usually calls on her way to and from anywhere of distance just to have some company on her trip. I also never monitored grades; that too would’ve given me anxiety and also probably made me start pressuring her. She puts enough pressure on herself; she doesn’t need me to add to it.
I actually can track my kids, and I’m definitely a free range parent. My kids walked to school starting in second grade, were left home alone at 10, could go to sleepovers at homes where I’ve never met the parents. My oldest drives all over the state with her bands in a 2007 civic with tons of miles, couldn’t find her way out of a paper bag without a gps. The next one likes 20+ mile solo hikes and kayaking, lives 1 1/2 hours away and is always crazy late. The next two are crazy social and adventurous, and one has a 12 hour solo drive to and from school. The last has mental health issues that have gotten better, but he’s not great at letting us know when he will be home, when he’s working, going to school, and I’d rather just check than ask. It was actually off for a while but then he went to Denmark with friends, and he’s known for making some bad decisions. I share my location with everyone, I doubt anyone checks. My husband never checks his texts, works hybrid, and most of his work involves online meetings or phone calls so he’s hard to reach. If he’s coming home in between meetings I like to know because he passes many stores on his way home. I’d have no reason to check where people are on a day to day basis, just because.
I never thought I would check the grades, but adhd ds16 really started struggling junior year. I hated checking, but it was necessary. MIS was most of them, he literally never handed anything in on time. I actually went and set up a meeting with ds, his counselor, and one of his teachers (5 kids, a first for me). Turns out executive function issues were pretty bad. Thank goodness I didn’t just wait for report cards. When he went to college, I just said a little prayer, I still have no idea his final gpa. I never checked on the other 4.
I know at least some of my kids share with friends. Dd19 came down to NJ from Boston to surprise her bff on her birthday, she said many weren’t surprised because she shut off her location.
It really has zero to do with trust. It’s just a tool. This generation has grown up with it, and use it amongst themselves. My kids track their siblings (they go out together). One just drove here from Chicago, easy drive on route 80, 12 hours, kids tracked her so we could figure out when dinner was (7).
I understand the idea of “tracking” someone seems strange to those who aren’t used to it. We never put 360 or other apps that track social media on our kids’ phones because we believe in models of increasing privacy.
Having said that—norms have changed among young adults Not only did my son download 360 so he could share his location with multiple friend groups, he often has Snapchat and other apps enabled so he can see where his friend’s are (“John didn’t get back to me but I can see he’s in London”).
Over the last half a dozen years, my husband, son, my mother-in-law, and I all voluntarily started sharing our locations through “Find my iPhone” for a bunch of the reasons listed above (husband left from work? good time to call? etc.) I don’t feel like sharing locations increases anxiety and I haven’t read any academic research that says so either (I’m in the field).
While I agree that college age students have the right NOT to be tracked/share their location—as it should be voluntary—I’m not sure the columnist didn’t speak too broadly in her response to the OP, who appeared to be anxious in general.
We don’t have anything like this, because we are so behind on technology, but it doesn’t seem so bad to me. I routinely drive 5 hours away to a remote part of the state as part of work, sometimes driving on lonely back roads. I would like something so that my husband can keep an eye on me. What do you all recommend? I have an Android.
If you have an iPhone, you can simply “share your location” within the “Find my IPhone” app. You can share your location indefinitely or for a specific time frame.
The most popular one that can be used on any phone is Life360, but that one includes lots of other information besides location, so be sure you are aware and willing (ex. How fast you are driving).
Because I know nothing about this maybe the answer to my question is obvious to others but not me. Why can’t the kids find their own airpods on their own phones?
We asked our college age daughter to leave Find My Friends on when she went to college, just so if there was an emergency we could theoretically locate her. I told her I would never look at it otherwise and I don’t.
I do have Life360 for my 17yr old because he’s been unwilling “I forget Mom” to tell us where he is. He’s decided he’d rather have it than have to deal with updating us. I’d rather he tell us what he’s doing instead but apparently that’s just crazy. I will ask him to delete it when he graduates next year or before if he asks. He goes climbing and camping with friends in the mountains so I would like him to keep Find My Friends on so we could possibly locate him if there was an emergency.
I have both of my parents and my sister on Find My Friends as well. For emergency use only.
This is how I feel. We use the iPhone Find My feature. I think of it as “sharing location” instead of “tracking,” especially since I rarely look at it unless there’s some need to. My 27 year old D and her husband share their locations with each other all the time, and DD shares her location with me although I didn’t ask her to (maybe she forgot to turn it off after our last visit?). They live in a very urban area and don’t own a car, so they get around by walking, bike or public transport. Sharing location helps them meet up and keep track of who’ll be home when, or who can stop and pick up some groceries. My younger kid (age 23; lives in the same town I do) doesn’t normally share location with me, but I sometimes ask him to when he’s on an interstate drive. My DH and I share locations mostly so that we can help find each other’s phones. I can also see where our car is using the app that comes with the car – a feature I didn’t ask for but which reminds me that we’re being tracked all the time.
In the article, the letter writer fully admits that it’s not just about convenience, but also about her anxiety. Using the tracking apps are about calming herself.
Well I have a college freshman in Chicago and I can’t imagine having a tracking app on all the time? I know her friend group uses a friend app with each other and they practice group safety together.
We do occassonally use location sharing on google maps. Like when my kid navigated to a bus station and got on a coach bus for the holidays and we were going to meet them on the other end. I kind of am enjoying not being responsible for knowing where my kid is 24-7. But both my kids were kind of born old people in terms of college student behavior, I don’t have particular worries about their choices. Actually a city like Chicago may have just been off the table for us for a kid without some urban savvy and good self and situational awareness.
My spouse and I share each others location to each other on occassion too when it makes sense. Like when I do a lone road trip instead of texting when I get to certain places, etc.
It’s interesting to read these responses and also gives me some thought. Many, many situations or occasions when knowing where someone/something through tracking is beneficial. I think as with most things, how/when you use it, who advocates for it to be used, etc. all make a difference in how helpful/intrusive tracking is.
I would like to track my husband - he tells me he’s going to the post office and CVS but is gone for 4 hours, lol. Now I know he is very distracted and also his communication and planning is at best, irregular. So that post office/CVS trip ACTUALLY ends up being: post office, CVS, drive through fast food, oops! stop at 2 garage sales, drive through the old neighborhood and talk to a neighborhood for 30 minutes. He’s also terrible at answering texts or even sometimes calls (he’s too busy talking with the old neighbor!!!) Tracking him would just let me know he’s ok or still on errands or if he’s even close to getting home!
Younger daughter and her roommate have tracked each other since freshman year 9 years ago. I actually love this and know in a pinch, roommate could/would help out if we had a concern.
Not only did my son download 360 so he could share his location with multiple friend groups, he often has Snapchat and other apps enabled so he can see where his friend’s are (“John didn’t get back to me but I can see he’s in London”).
have the right NOT to be tracked/share their location—as it should be voluntary—I’m not sure the columnist didn’t speak too broadly in her response to the OP, who appeared to be anxious in general.
and I can’t imagine having a tracking app on all the time? I know her friend group uses a friend app with each other and they practice group safety together.