I had a bad freshman experience socially & academically and tried to make things work but whenever I get here I do really poorly and suffer really bad anxiety & depression.
The confounding issue is I’m at a good school UC Berkeley, but honestly I’m doing awful here. I’ve taken summer classes at Harvard and elsewhere and have never done poorly.
My heart is telling me that I need to transfer but I don’t want to make the wrong move. I keep making bad decisions here, but at the same time if I transfer I’ll be going to a much worse school. Another option for me is to take a year off.
There are students thriving at “much worse” schools. But do your homework before considering a transfer – make sure the potential school would likely be a good fit academically and socially.
Isn’t it getting a little late to transfer? For the upcoming fall semester, I mean.
Sad thing is, if you had a tough time academically it will be very hard to transfer unless you drop down a few levels.
Have you reached out to the on-campus counseling center? They don’t like people to be unhappy, and I get the sense that you don’t know why things aren’t working out.
You mentioned summer classes at Harvard - do you mean actual college classes or pre-college classes?
Bad decisions are a by product of not knowing enough information. There should be a Dean of Freshman Students and others who can see if they can talk you through some issues.
I would say based on the prospect of transferring down quite a bit, and apparently no idea where you would transfer to, give UCB another try. If you can’t make things work, use the money you pay for college wisely and take advantage of all of their services.
Sorry you are having a tough time. Can you determine the issues? Are you making bad decisions in the sense that you are partying when you should be working or are you spending your time playing video games or watching TV by yourself? Or are you trying to work and can’t concentrate or get it done?
If you are having such a hard time, the first thing is to talk to you parents. If you can’t talk to them, talk to another trusted adult. At this point in the semester, it may be hard to get an appointment, but try to talk to someone in the campus counseling office or find a counselor off campus. Before making any decisions, it is critical to figure out what is going on. If you have severe anxiety or depression, transferring will not help but medication and therapy will. This can become an issue in college, where it was not in HS. Your parents want to know what is going on, even if it is a hard discussion to initiate. They will find out if your grades drop too low. They really want the best for you.
Use the summer to figure this out. Take the fall off if you need to before you decide on the best course of action. Making a rash decision in the middle of a perceived crisis is not the best way to decide.
I am seeing am on campus therapist and I am also in the disabled students program because I have tmj disorder which causes daily headaches.
Sometimes they get really bad when I am stressed but usually they are manageable. The other problem with this tmd is the neck pain it has been causing. I am really into weightlifting but I can’t do it anymore. Right now I’m in treatment for it. I suspect it has been caused by the stress I’ve been having.
As far as the summer classes they have all been college classes. My time management skills have deteriorated since I’ve been here and my organization is not too good. My parents know the whole story and they are supportive.
I think for me I need a structure otherwise I don’t do well in school. Right now I’m living by myself I think living in the dorms would be better for me.
Socially everything has been a mess since I’ve been here. I shouldn’t have pledged a fraternity it’s made things too stressful and affected my grades. A lot of the guys don’t like me because I can’t drink at the moment.
I’ve spoken to my parents about a year off and they are ok with it. I think that would be the best option for me probably.
So glad you are in touch with your parents about it. I hope you find something good to do for a year (or maybe just a semester off). I think it is a great plan. If you still want to change schools, you will be doing it from a positive, not a negative position.
Can you just depledge from the fraternity, since you say that you “shouldn’t have pledged a fraternity” and “a lot of the guys don’t like” you?
Based on your other posts, it looks like you started college in fall 2012, so this is your fifth semester, correct? Do you have social circles in your major and from the dorm you probably lived in during previous years?
I can depledge but I’m already almost done and paid my dues for this semester. I asked them several times about the pledging and they said it was easy. So I thought I could do it but I should’ve known better. It’s my fault.
As far as social circle I have some acquaintances from before in the dorms. I have 1 or 2 friends in my major.
Academics and health are my biggest issues if I can just maintain a 3.0 each semester I’ll be happy.
Honestly I would drop out of the frat. I realize you’ll lose a semester’s worth of dues – but why are you paying money to be part of a group that you’re not happy with and that doesn’t particularly like you? If you drop out today, that leaves you 4-5 days to study for your midterm. It’ll be a load off your mind re the lack of time/sleep/drinking.
As far as far as school goes, once you have time again – can’t you set up a more rigid structure – i.e. wake up at 8 am every day regardless of when you have class; go to the library and study/do HW for x hrs a day; go to class. It’s easier to put stuff off in college bc often you’re only being graded on 2 exams a semester – but it is easier to do better if you study/keep up with reading daily.
As far as friends – can’t you take on some activities outside of class (once you drop your frat)? I realize this would have to wait until next semester, but if you find ways to get involved – you’ll have chances to make friends. I’m sure it seems odd that you did so well at Harvard in summer classes, but now Berkeley – your real school – is a struggle, but there can be lots of reasons for that. At Harvard (not clear if you were a HS student or a college student at the time) – you were likely only taking 1-2 classes and you knew you’d only be there temporarily – so you likely weren’t thinking too much about making friends, fitting in etc. and were content to talk to whoever seemed cool enough. It’s different at your own school when you have 4-5 classes and know you’re “stuck” there for 4 yrs – the grind gets old.
If you left Berkley, where would you want to go? Honestly if you are really in your 5th semester as PP said – I’d try to make some changes and see if you can make it work, rather than leaving and starting over some place.
I made a typo my midterm is actually tomorrow and we have a meeting tonight. I went for the event in the morning. Some guys have skipped multiple morning events. I’ve been to all of them though. The evening meeting is really important. But there’s no way I can go to the meeting and pass my class.
I’m just going to skip the meeting and if they drop me they drop me.
As far as class goes without the frat stuff I should be able to handle it. The only issue is that the tmj I have caused daily morning headaches and neck aches. I suspect I am grinding my teeth at night. The pain really drives me nuts. I was using the flexeril for a little bit but it made me too tired. The mouth guard hasn’t arrived yet.
This is what is really driving me insane. I love playing sports and weight lifting and I can’t do that right now.
I guess I need to take some time off and get that sorted out for good.
Socially it’s not too bad I’ve been making friends outside of the frat.
If I can just get good grades and return to the gym I’m happy.
Use all the tools and resources at your current school before you transfer.
Go to the counseling center.
Get your health figured out.
Talk to a trusted professor/adviser/dean about how to continue.
Move back into the dorms if you need to.
I think you need to start by leaving the frat. That should give you the additional time to study, see the necessary counselors and support persons and create a structure you can live with. You should have a tremendous amount of time once you leave the frat, then slowly add things to your TO DO list.
See the college counselor,
let them help you to make a schedule.
Start a structure that has you studying, relaxing and doing exercises (within reason).
See a medical personnel regarding the workouts, etc. and
slowly build your system up (physically and psychologically).
Good luck. Doesn’t sound all bad, just need to make a decision.
I sent him a message and he said that I just can’t skip everything. But I’ve been to every morning session so far. Some guys have skipped one or two. I’ve missed the evenings because I had to study. Other guys are missing tonight as well.
You need to see a physician about the TMJ. Then, if you need to ask for an incomplete in a class, or for a medical leave because of the health issues, you will have a doctor who can back you up.
I am seeing a maxilofacial surgeon who filled out the disabled students program form so I can get extra time on tests. Maybe I need to get an incomplete. It depends on how I’m doing.