When it comes to $, I think the key thing is to have an open, honest and inclusive conversation with your child about what you are willing to pay towards college and how (savings, parent loans, student loans, etc.). If they know these parameters up front and still want to apply to expensive schools in hopes of getting financial aid/merit/talent money to make it affordable, at the amount you all have pre-determined together, then I say go for it. Some of Ds most generous offers were from schools in the $50,000 range. Just be sure the guidelines are very clear as far as what the bottom line needs to be in terms of the total cost of attendance. You don’t want them to get too excited when they’re told they’ve received a $40,000 scholarship only to realize it is $10,000 per year for 4 years off of a $50,000 tuition (meaning you would still pay $40,000 per year). Each school words things differently and can make their offers sound very exciting and appealing. Make sure you really read all the fine print and perhaps make a spreadsheet to show what all of the costs of attendance and all of the aid received would be. So that when you are comparing final offers you are comparing apples to apples. Your student really needs to understand what cost per year you are willing to pay for.
You also may want to set a budget for application fees. Some schools are more expensive to apply to than others. Try to be realistic. And some will waive application fees altogether. Just ask. The worst they can say is no.