Getting into Harvard, or getting As at Harvard, or getting a great job, or getting a great promotion, it is all a matter of al lot of hard work and focus and planning (including figuring out how the game is played, and doing what it takes). So while Does are fascinating creatures, without a great work ethic, they will not necessarily succeed (beyond the 10 or 20% of people who do not live up to their potential, due to real issues out of their control or sometimes a realization that THEY don’t want to run a lifelong rat race).
The kid with 12 APS, those exist … and they should take their 12 APs and other snowflakes should pursue athletics + academics, or athletics to recruited level, or founding a charity, or doing medical research in 9th grade.
I do think the number of people who can combine 12 vigorous AP classes with time consuming ECs, including the 2-3 hour athletic practices, are way limited, so some choices need to be made and you need to pick one or possibly two “hooks”, not pursue everything for every child.
I think it is part of parenthood to go to your kids rooms at midnight and just turn out the lights and the computer and make them go to bed. Sure, if there is a big project, they can stay up late … with a later talk on time-management, and there can be negotiated late bed times … but well, midnight is late, 10pm is even better. There are myriad of statistics to show that lack of sleep causes poor performance and is deterimental to physical and mental health, so why would you allow this behavior … especially once stress is obviously noticeable to an engaged parent.
OK, so you pare down the AP classes or the ECs or the texting … and then you see where your kid lies in the scheme of things (and life is not always predictable or fair, in a really good year, some schools have 20+ Does and the next year they have 5, and HYPS+ will probably not accept all 20s). So you build a strategy of reaches, matches, safeties, merit scholarships, etc.
There are things much worse in life than getting a merit scholarship to your state’s flagship or even school #2 or 3 in your state or some private schools and doing really, really well because you have a bank of AP credits and a good understanding of subjects, good work ethic, good work habits. That 20 page essay or the 3x a week essay, check, will make college liberal arts classes easy, make you write better emails, better reports, better presentations, better proposals. That BC calc class, check, get through engineering or deep STEM early classes with a 4.0 and through the engineering classes with high grades because the math is just a tool, not a challenge. That EC you founded or chaired, that is a good start to running a business or a department at your employer. Sports may be the weakest one, but maybe you can lead your companies division to a softball championship.
I think job counting as an EC is fair, although unlikely to really improve odds of your special snowflake from high SES and high performing school … and many people would rather have their kids do something interesting or even fun than earn 8 an hour … if their parents are making 10x that, it is not that important (although if jobs=EC, some people could start out their college financing in better position).
I also wanted to point out that getting a great financial aid package so that you can avoid the flagship public cost, well, that is a big deal, could be worth 100K or more. So special snowflake may have to have some tutoring, etc, it is a good investment. Harvard without huge loans … unbelievable deal … should be competitive.