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My oldest went at a time when many school offered merit aid. With my youngest, many of the same schools have turned to need-based aid and have stopped offering merit money.
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Ok…I can understand that because you’re wanting to provide the SAME experience - same type of school for both kids. You can’t help if suddenly the same experience costs more. One year ballet lessons can be $2k for Child 1…and then a few years later, the same ballet lessons can be $4k for Child 2. (and besides, those aren’t large differences.)
Obviously, if you sent Child 1 to fab-school-A and it gave your child a nice merit award, and then you sent Child 2 to the same/similar school and merit was no longer being awarded, then there should be no pressure to “equalize” spending. You’re providing the same level of education. My kids went to the same undergrad. One child’s merit was larger than the other’s. So of course one child’s education cost us more (but not much more…we’re only talking about a few thou each year.) But, they both got the “same experience”.
I mentioned weddings upthread. I have 2 sisters. Both are several years younger than I am. We all had a “similar style” of wedding…very nice, big church wedding, surf & turf, etc. However, by the time my youngest sister married, prices had all gone up. So what. We all got a “similar level” of wedding. My parents believed in providing a certain type of wedding for their D’s and that’s what they did. I know that my brothers never gave it another thought because the tradition was for parents to pay for girls. That said, when one brother married a less-affluent girl, my parents paid to help bring that wedding up to the level that we sisters had. My other 3 brothers didn’t care…they got their nice weddings. 
I applaud @Pizzagirl for not being a little bothered by such extreme differences. Frankly, if I experienced an extreme upward income, I wouldn’t suddenly be buying Porsches for my younger child when my older child had to drive a modest car. Either I’d buy 2 nice cars and gift both kids, or I’d buy younger child a similar modest, but reliable car…and open trust funds for both kids. And I certainly would not do a lavish bday party for one without doing something for the other.
@Chardo The difference is just too big. Obviously you know there’s something odd about it; that’s why you made the thread. It’s when you know that there’s nothing funky that there’s no reason to question it.