Parents can do what they can to make things ‘fair’ among their children. You cannot help birth order or the sex differences and how those influence immediate and extended family ‘the only girl’ or ‘the only boy’ or ‘the oldest boy’ or ‘the youngest, the baby’ etc or due to the big age range between oldest and youngest (and more relaxed societal standards, or the parents having more available money, or parents just getting tired of parenting or realizing more relaxed standards can work) - so ‘you got to do more fun activities than I did; I had more chores, etc’.
Just recently saw how that trickled into Jack Lemon’s movie “The Prisoner of 2nd Avenue” - he had an older brother and two older sisters. During some of the time ‘when the chips were down’ between the two brothers some of the family roles came into play (older brother having so many responsibilities young, everyone loved the baby of the family, etc - so jealousies from birth order and how that played out).
In my case I have two daughters. The younger one actually has more of the alpha characteristics that usually go with the personality of the oldest. They are 25 months apart in age. Since H and I are ‘older’ parents (they were born when we were 37 and 39) we have always tried to foster the two getting along together, because at some point H and I will be gone. They both have had different opportunities along the way. They both had the same funds for college. They both won scholarships at their different in-state college of choice, which were great matches for both of them. I am custodian on their college savings money account, so help them transfer $$ into their own accounts. They know that whatever money left in that account by the time they graduate is theirs. They can choose to continue graduate education right then or perhaps along the way with their careers. I do keep a running total of various things we pay for (balance on money due each semester for each) so that everything can be as ‘fair’ as possible (for example we pay for basic phone for both of them, but one wanted the data plan, so that additional charge goes on the one girl’s tab). They both have jobs (one a little PT job during school that continues over summer, the other had a well paid summer internship in her field). Our estate will go to both of them equally. However if one become a drug addict, then a custodial account. One needs to use judgement in these things. Shocking the cost of rehab - so if you have a child that needs rehab, it may mean they have used up their college money.
Students make lots of choices in life - how much they apply themselves to school/career, who they choose for a spouse, where they live, etc. Parents can give input when asked, or can gently input when they see an offspring going way off course. However by faith we are believers in ‘free will’. One does need to take responsibility of decisions one makes.
We want to see the next generation having a ‘good life’ whatever that comes to mind. However just handing it to them often will not work because parents are not a money tree. Hopefully the offspring can learn and mature into being responsible and productive members of our society while keeping happy family relationships if the core family is healthy.