U of Chicago joke

Colleges & Universities University of Chicago
1

<p><a href=“http://www.spiegl.org/humor/UCjoke.html[/url]”>http://www.spiegl.org/humor/UCjoke.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>:)</p>

2

<p>A Stanford, Harvard and U of C student were all sentenced to death by the guillotine for a crime they didn’t commit.</p>

<p>The Stanford student is placed in the the guillotine, the blade is raised, and then released. The blade comes to a screeching halt before it reaches the student’s neck. The executioner proclaims, “An act of God, release him.”</p>

<p>Next the Harvard student is placed in the the guillotine, the blade is raised, and then released. The blade comes to a screeching halt before it reaches the student’s neck. The executioner proclaims, “An act of God, release him.”</p>

<p>Finally, the U of C student is placed in the the guillotine, the blade is raised, just then the student looks up and excitedly shouts, “I see what the problem is!”</p>

<p>Circulated while I was in grad school.</p>

<p>And, for added levity, copied from an older CC post:</p>

<p>How many Yale students does it take to change a light bulb?
Nobody wants to - New Haven looks better in the dark.</p>

<p>How many UChicago students does it take?
8 - 1 to change it and 7 to find the power of any electons that jumped off of a nearby piece of aluminum due to the photoelectric effect.</p>

<p>How many Caltech students does it take?
11 - 1 to change it and 10 to ridicule the way MIT changed theirs.</p>

<p>How many USC students does it take?
5 - 1 to change it while the other 4 watch for gangs. (I know, I know…)</p>

<p>How many Reed students does it take?
4 - 1 to change it while the other 3 fend off any other students wanting to smoke the wire inside. (I know, I know…)</p>

<p>How many Berkeley students does it take to change a light bulb?
The whole student body - To protest for the rights of the bulb.</p>

<p>How many Princeton students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two – one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.</p>

<p>How many Brown students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eleven – one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience.</p>

<p>How many Penn students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he gets six credits for it.</p>

<p>How many Harvard students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One – he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.</p>

<p>How many Dartmouth students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None – Hanover doesn’t have electricity.</p>

<p>How many Cornell students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two – One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.</p>

<p>How many Columbia students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seventy-six – one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb’s right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter-protest.</p>

<p>How many Univ of Georgia students does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. Two to change the bulb and one to call a friend at Georgia Tech and get instructions.</p>

<p>How many Sarah Lawrence students does it take to change a light bulb?
Five–One to change the bulb and four to do an interpretive dance about it.</p>

3

<p>Thank you! Absolutely made my day.</p>

4

<p>Wonderful thread! I needed a good laugh. :></p>

5

<p>haha funny =]</p>

6

<p>If I’m accepted…then that would make me the U of Chicago joke…ster</p>

7

<p>

</p>

<p>I love it!!</p>

8

<p>These are great. Here’s another…</p>

<p>How many Carleton students does it take to change a lightbulb? </p>

<p>TWO. One to change the bulb and one to complain about how, if they were at a better school, the lightbulb wouldn’t go out.</p>

9

<p>How many Michigan students does it take to change a lightbulb?</p>

<p>Depends, one if they are out-of-state, four if they are in-state.</p>

<p>(I’m in-state so I can make the joke)</p>

10

<p>thanks, vagrant star! I shared that joke with everyone in my dorm. Frighteningly accurate joke.</p>

11

<p>How many Univ of Chicagoers does it take to change a lightbulb?
ten.
one to run out to obtain a more distinctive and quirky lightbulb.
one to do an offbeat economic analysis of whether the cost of increased lumens equals the inreased brilliance of the illuminated students.
one to research the history of pressed siica and sand in ancient Persia and its development into contemporary glass.
one to make a speech at the american enterprise institute on how the need for electric illumination has diminished intellectual rigor in the academy.
one to score a million dollar DOD grant to study the speed and track of particles in the light bulb to discern their potential for innovative government “devices”.
one to write the next great american novel about a former grad student and a retired hyde park professor musing on the nature of lightness and the meaning of life while arguing on EL platforms
two to start an annual debate on the preference for GE softlites or Phillips Lifelight.
one Collegiate Scholar from the neighborhood who stuck the bulb in and got the job done.
and one other stressed freshman who didn’t notice what was going on…</p>

12

<p>How many U. Virginia kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? </p>

<ol>
<li>one to screw in the lightbulb and the others to claim that Thomas Jefferson invented electricity</li>
</ol>

13

<p>how can you invent electricity?</p>

14

<p>That’s like saying Columbus invented the Americas</p>

15

<p>You’re absolutely insane to the membrane, sir</p>

16

<p>^Methinks it was part of the joke.</p>

17

<p>stop being so dam picky mr. esquared! I’m sure s/he meant “discovered electricity”. Gosh!</p>

18

<p>yes, i was entirely out of line…</p>

<p>I shall never be sarcastically cruel again</p>

19

<p>I sense some sarcasm in that…</p>

20

<p>Actually, the joke goes like so…</p>

<p>How many UVa students does it take to change a lightbulb?</p>

<p>9</p>

<p>1 to change the bulb
1 to hold the keg he’s standing on
6 to form a committee to decide if changing the bulb was an honor violation
1 to give a speech on how Jefferson created electricity</p>