I would not put myself in a position where paying for Wash U might mean struggling more to pay for my younger kids. That’s not a good place to be.
UNC has many, many opportunities…but nothing is handed to you. Your child will have to send emails, knock on doors (profs are open to this), make phone calls etc. Opportunities are there and plentiful, but nobody knocks on your door and hands you a research position. I assume the same is true for Wash U. Nothing is handed to you there either. I know kids at top LACs and Ivies- nothing was handed to them.
That being said, your daughter might very well get emails telling her about different opportunities- at both schools. It’s up to her to take the next step.
Learning to take the initiative, adapt to new environments, etc is part of life, and is certainly part of medical school…if that’s where she ends up. These are skills that are important and that she will need. You can’t change your kid (nor would you want to), but helping them flourish and grow is certainly something to strive for (imo).