<p>CGAMOM,</p>
<p>Yes, “skybusted” is the perfect term! We had two trips planned on the darn airline!!..I should’ve known $10 tickets were too good to be true!</p>
<p>Good luck to your future CGA D. I’m sure CGADAD would be very, very proud. 
I’m so very sorry for your recent loss. Please know that your CC friends are here for you.</p>
<p>Thanks flymom. I wasn’t clear-- it was MY dad, D’s grandfather (CGA G-DAD?) who died, but it was sudden and unexpected. We’re happy that at least he did know that she’d been accepted to the CGA (early decision) and had MOC nomination to USNA.</p>
<p>So I am not the only one jumping for joy one moment and feeling really blue the next?? I am sooo excited for my son, I know he is about to embark on the journey of a lifetime: this is what he has wanted since 8th grade. But I am extremely close to him and I know I am probably going to be the one having the harder time with the separation anxiety issue this time… he will be too busy most of the time to think about it! I know college was a wonderful time of growth and expansion for me and I see how ready he is to move on to bigger and better things. That is making this some easier to think about.</p>
<p>At least he has a younger sibling still here. Though I can tell his younger brother is going to have a hard time with this too. One moment they are fighting like cats and dogs and he can’t wait to be an “only child”, the next he is moping at how little time he really has left to spend with his lifelong companion. I did overhear the older one tell his younger bro yesterday, “But just wait until I have taken Boxing Class, then I will come home and teach you how” and immediately a huge smile from the one to be left behind. Ahhh, the joys of raising sons! Are there internet sibling support groups, too???</p>
<p>I know dh will miss him too, but in a different way. They have never been as emotionally close so the grieving will be a little different. One thing I don’t think dh was understanding until attending a recent WP Parent’s Organization was the level of commitment to each other’s families and their kids when kids choose military service. Dh was thinking we would be getting our lives back to ourselves and I am thinking we are just about to become even more involved and supportive than if a civilian college was chosen. Any thoughts??</p>
<p>I was starting to freak a bit myself the other day. Son has chosen USNA and I got very worried that he’d end up hating it, miserable and feeling like his life was ruined. Then I got up Monday morning to news that the 17-year-old son of a family friend had hung himself in the night.</p>
<p>Somehow, I’m not anxious about my son at USNA any more. There’s far worse out there. And son himself is steady and increasingly excited.</p>
<p>Oh, Pmarol, I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. You are right - such situations put things in perspective. These kids have so much of themselves to give, and my tears are just as much for the pride I have in knowing the caliber of the young men and women in uniform as they are for the sadness I feel when I am in selfish mode.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>this is completely normal. you can expect a roller coaster ride during his years at the Academy. i’m told that it doesn’t stop there. other parents can attest to the ride that occurs post commissioning.
the thing that helped me stay out of the blues was to focus on his accomplishments, his potential for further achievement, and how proud i am of him.</p>
<p>As a Dad; I can say that we get just as emotional about our kids leaving as the Moms do. Depending on our social upbringing, it’s just that we aren’t as open about it. Whether it’s my “Baby Girl” who is now a Junior in College or my “Little Buddy” who is getting ready to go to the Air Force academy in another 8 weeks, it’s pretty tough. My only concern is that my son has the same anxiety that I had when I left home. Not that I don’t call my mom on occasion, just that I don’t see her except for about every 4 years or so. Part of military life. I hope my son can find his individuality and his life goals but still remains close to us. Chances are, each year of the academy will have him wanting to do more with his new friends and on his own. Then after graduation, he will PCS (Permanent Change of Station) and we will probably only see him every few years. </p>
<p>This is the hardest part of the academy and the military. It’s not like he’s going to have a job and living on the other side of town where I can see him when i want to. My entire family still lives in the same 20 mile radius. They may not see each other every day, but they know they could if they wanted to. I was the black sheep that left and never came back. That is the military. I’m just mentioning this because assuming your child stays in the academy and does their 5 years minimum, they just aren’t going to be home with you anymore. Chances are, even if they get out after 5 years, it’s unlikely that they will move “Back Home” after getting out.</p>
<p>They will realize that while they still love their family very much, that they have changed and don’t have as much in common with their home town anymore. They will make friends in the academy and be closer to them even if they don’t see them for 10 years after graduating, than they will be to a high school BEST FRIEND that they were close with for 15 years every day.</p>
<p>I bring this up so some out there will know what to expect. As each year goes by, your cadet is going to want to spend more time skiing with friends, jumping out of perfectly good flying airplanes, spending the summers doing immersions overseas, etc… and spending lest time visiting home. When they graduate, they will move away. They’ll get married. They’ll start their own families. Life goes on. I’ve been there and done it. I’ve been retired for 9 years now. I saw my parents 3 years ago when they came out for my daughter’s graduation. I’ll see them again next month when my son graduates. I hope my son and I and his mom won’t be as distant as I was with my family; but it is normal if it does happen. Good luck to all. Be proactive with communicating with your kids. Let them know not only how much you love them, but also how much you RESPECT them and their selflessness they are doing by serving our country. Let them know how proud you are of them. Let them know your feelings. ESPECIALLY YOU DADS who normally might not show such feelings.</p>
<p>Our plebe spent last year @ NAPS in Rhode Island, so he’s been 3000 mi away for two years. What I’m about to say is profoundly selfish, but here it is: </p>
<p>We hear from our son more often than we would if he’d picked a traditional college because nobody else understands what he’s doing (except, perhaps, his very patient girlfriend). We get multiple calls every week, which was definitely NOT the case w/ his older brother or sister. When he’s been home on breaks, he spends more time w/ family than he ever did during h.s. vacations. Service Academy kids need to avoid brushes w/ the law (underage drinking, drugs) which probably cuts down on vacation partying w/ college-age friends.</p>
<p>I feel as if I should add that son has great friends, both @ home and @ the Academy, and I know our close familial connection won’t last forever, but once you get through plebe summer/beast, this 4-yr separation doesn’t have to be tougher than any other path s/he might choose. (I try not to think about what follows.) </p>
<p>Make no mistake: departure is horrible. When he said his final ‘goodbye’ @ NAPS, I made an animal noise I still can’t believe came out of my throat (my older son said he thought I’d come down w/ adult-onset Tourettes). </p>
<p>Maybe in addition to selfish, I’m just lucky, but maybe you’ll be this lucky, too!</p>
<p>NorCalMother - well, you made me laugh even as the chills were going up and down my back. I can’t even imagine the moment when we’ll say goodbye to our youngest son . . . and I can only imagine the sounds that will be trying to escape from my throat. I couldn’t even watch his older brother walk across the stadium during H.S. graduation without sobbing. Pomp & Circumstance . . . where did that gut-wrenching song come from anyway, and whose sadistic idea was it to play at graduation? Or is that just me?</p>
<ul>
<li>I HATE IT. *</li>
</ul>
<p>Ok, now I have that off my chest. </p>
<p>No, wait, it didn’t help. I still hate it.</p>
<p>My high school graduation was to Pomp and Circumstance, always played by the remainder of the high school band who were still “undergraduates”. When I was little, I used to practice heel-toeing our school’s very formal graduation processional as I watched my older siblings go through those motions. Later, I played it through so many times in that band that my senior year didn’t affect me much at all when I was heel-toeing for real to P & C. Not sure I ever thought about the fact my parents might have been crying - I was the last of seven children, after all! </p>
<p>HOWEVER… College graduation processional was to Pachelbel’s Canon in D… still makes me cry, even though I graduated in a state university class of probably about 5000 - we stood up and moved our tassels as a college, then sat down and on to the next college. No heel-toeing processional or recessional or Pomp and Circumstance, but that music gave me a lump in my throat and still does to this day. </p>
<p>SO, one month from tonight I will tell you how P & C affects me while watching the graduate march triumphantly in under the JROTC Saber Arch to this gut-wrenching sadistic music!! Or maybe I will be too busy thinking about saying goodbye on R-Day and worrying about the potential animal noises that may escape :eek:. But this I do know, my son is ready to take on the world. I just hope I don’t embarass him too much in the process!</p>
<p>Well, we just got back for AFA yesterday. D was there for orientation. Colorado Springs is beautiful, the AFA campus is awe inspiring and right now I HATE IT!!
However, my DD is totally psyched and ready to leave right now! As much as I am excited for my DD I really dislike the thought of her going away. Of course, I would most likely feel this way even if she were going to a local univ. because I feel that way about her sister leaving as well.<br>
The 1000 mile distance will just make the time together that much sweeter.
BTW, I got a chance to meet some other parents during Orientation and that helped a lot. Not many folks around here understand what we are going through.<br>
I’m really needing that “Cyber-rita” about now.</p>
<p>Well, I am amending my statement. I <em>love</em> USAFA - beautiful, everything top-drawer (except the swearing, but I guess boys will be boys). Anyway, I think I should definitely convince my twins that one of them must stay home. Tonight while walking the dogs, I reminded my one son: “Some families (including ours) have the motto: God, Country, Family. Well, I am changing that to: Mother First.” Neither he nor his bro is buying this.</p>
<p>I miss them already!</p>
<p>Our school has a tradition: at the senior breakfast, they are given a packet of letters, wishing them well on future endeavors, etc…I just wrote my DS’s letter…took over 2 hours…and I am not sure I’m out of tears yet! This is so very hard…but not nearly as hard as four years from now when they ship off to be war fighters and defend our country. I feel like a wreck now; I cannot imagine how I will handle the other. I am pretty confident I will be driven to drink!!</p>
<p>Parents, this is much ado about nothing. If you play your cards right, you will become tired of them. First off, they are doing something ‘cool’. They want to tell you about it. The worst thing you can say is, “I have no idea what you are talking about. You’re wasting your breath”. The second worst thing you can do is to tell them how to do it. Both Parent’s Clubs and Google are wonderful things. They WILL call to tell you what new things they are doing. Be interested. </p>
<p>They will have problems and concerns. Again, they need someone to talk to. You, as an outside parent, don’t have a clue what they are going through. Yet, they call. Why? Just to verbalize to an understanding outsider what is going on. Maybe to vent. The worst thing you can do is give advice. They will get that from their friends. Just listen. If you want to feel productive, whatever the problem, try to ascertain that they are seeing both sides of the issue completely. </p>
<p>And if you really play your cards right, you will develop a ‘best’ friend. Someone who, every time you slip and offer advice, will tell you how screwed up you are. But someone who will not make a decision without talking to you first. I was in your shoes 15 yrs ago, feeling totally lost and helpless. These past 15 yrs, however, have been the best of my life. I have enjoyed every minute of them. Your continued relationship with them is what YOU allow it to be.</p>
<p>USNA69, thank you for the reality check…it’s a very emotional time, and it’s good to hear a voice of reason occassionally.</p>
<p>“And if you really play your cards right, you will develop a ‘best’ friend. Someone who, every time you slip and offer advice, will tell you how screwed up you are. But someone who will not make a decision without talking to you first.”</p>
<p>So true…</p>
<p>A little more unsolicited advice - </p>
<p>HS Graduation - If pomp & circumstance is going to choke you up then desensitize yourself to it. Start playing it around the house for 2-3 days before graduation. Then you will be smiling and not bawling. My youngest graduated it in June and I started humming it today. ;)</p>
<p>Graduation, Senior awards and all the Parties: Be proud of your kids, but be humble. They haven’t done anything yet. If they have a classmate(s) who is enlisting, make a point to seek them and their parents out. Don’t brag about your kid- they probably already know, instead thank them for their and their child’s service. These kids will be in the fire a lot sooner than yours.
If you school acknowledges your child then ask if those who are enlisting in the military can be acknowledged. OR - have your child ask.</p>
<p>Don’t forget about the other parent and siblings - Christcorps is right - Dad’s have a hard time with their kids leaving. If you are divorced - make a point to include the other parent. Set your differences aside and just be parents to your kids.<br>
Siblings - younger ones have a hard time. When my oldest left, my youngest was 10 and she cried and cried. If they go to I-Day/R-Day they may cry like babies.</p>
<p>Everyone knows the family structure is changing and it will change. A new pecking order will be established, the younger one’s may think they will never see their sib again.</p>
<p>Sometimes - being a mom means being strong. But as women we already know that.</p>
<p>USNA69 - very true - you are moving into a new dimension in your relationship with your child. He/she will always be your child and you feel that now but soon will be a great friend - for me - this is one of the greatest rewards of parenthood. Embrace it.</p>
<p>I find, now, my son is much more open about things he does (see “pranks”) and honestly how he is holding up and how his grades are. He still needs to come home, and right before he does, asks “Do I still have a room?” The answer is always, “Of course!” I haven’t packed him up and out, yet.</p>
<p>I know the hub misses him, since when he calls, hub gets really excited and stays on the phone with him for a long time.</p>
<p>Well; Prom was last night. Pretty much the LAST milestone in my son’s life before starting his own adult life. 3 weeks until finals. 5 weeks until graduation. 60 days until we drive him to the academy to “Meet the Beast”. </p>
<p>Fortunately for us; between family weekend and 6 home football games; we should be able to gradually “wean” ourselves from having kids at home. We only live 2 hours away. Our daughter will be home for the summer from college, so having her around will help while our son is at BCT. By the time he gets out of BCT and is ready for the academy and parent’s weekend, the daughter will be heading back to start her Senior Year of College. I think this spacing the kids out by 3 years really helped.</p>
<p>Anyway; after football season we’ll probably get to see him for Christmas and then Spring Break and eventually 3 weeks in the summer. But; so everyone knows; each year they will become more and more independent and want to spend their free time doing other things other than coming home. I know that because I went through it. But it is hard to deal with.</p>
<p>Wife doesn’t want any more kids; and she won’t let me adopt any 24 year old female Swedish exchange graduate students. (I already asked). So I guess we will have to learn to cope with the empty nest syndrome. I’m sure we will survive. Millions have done it before us. (Even though I think the “Swedish” idea would make it easier. LOL)</p>