<p>^^this sounds like an awesome solution!</p>
<p>Dueling, that is very helpful! We could ask for a 4-way contract between S, parents, athletic coaches, and teachers. Insist that an adult enforce the athletic study hall, which S said was a joke last year. Insist that teachers notify coaches pronto if there are missing homeworks or failing quizzes/tests. The “5-week interim report card” is waaayyyy too late–soccer is nearly over by then. Insist that the coaches impose immediate consequences if S blows off study hall or gets a zero on homework. OK, thanks everyone, I will let you know in November how things worked out. ;)</p>
<p>I agree with most posts here that the problem is really something other than the soccer. “He refuses to be responsible for his schoolwork.” That’s unacceptable, his main “job” is as a student. What is his rationale? Have you had a conversation with him (not when emotions are high because of bad scores or yet another evening w/ no homework getting done–I know easier said than done with a teen) about what he thinks about the school situation? Kids this age often can’t see around corners, and you do need to help him see his behavior now effects his choices later. You can’t force him to get better grades if he doesn’t care. </p>
<p>I’m sure there are time-waisters that can be removed (TV, video games, socializing, etc) and you can help him find a way to transition from the pumped-up after practice/game frenzy to a calmer mood for homework/study. Listen to calm music, take a bath, practice relaxation techniques… you know, the stuff we did when they were 3 and we had to get them calmed down for bed. (Hmmm… teenagers can be a lot like 3 year olds. But that’s for another post.)</p>
<p>As for the “positives” you mentioned earlier, refereeing is great. My son has reffed rec soccer since he was 12 and it helped him get his first real job at 16 (a really competitive paid sports internship) not to mention the pay is great. I also think it looks good when passions, jobs and ECs are somewhat interwoven because it paints a nice picture of who he is.</p>
<p>I have spent the majority of my professional career with sophomores and can tell you that what Bay says in post #15 is dead on. It is a huge transition year and kids are deciding what they will be and do for the rest of high school. Will I be a scholar? A partier? An athlete? an artist? A combination of these? It is developmentally normal for boys especially to experience some grade fluctuation while they figure it out. </p>
<p>I agree that making him quit soccer is a bad idea not only for his high school experience and motivation but for his relationship with you.</p>
<p>Fwiw, I am highly surprised that there is not a minimum academic requirement to keep a spot on a HS soccer varsity team. While schools might bend backwards in sports such as football, basketball, or baseball, my experience (and the one of many friends) at schools where academic are considered more important than athletic results is that the repercussions of allowing grades to slip below a B are severe: prohibition to practice and play with the team. Fwiw, the correlation between maintaining high academic standards and athletic results remains very high in a sport such as soccer. The academic restrictions discussed above never precluded a team to win state championships.</p>
<p>I absolutely agree with everything on here. While my brother isn’t exactly a superstar but hockey was his major destressor. My parents could limit everything else and hockey would still always be there. Grades just won’t work. My family’s experience with him is much like matn1989’s in terms viewing the sport from a sophomore’s perspective.</p>
<p>Working won’t work- since being cut from the team, my brother has replaced the time with a pizza delivery job and his GPA hasn’t adjusted all that much despite putting in the same number of hours as he did for practice. But do NOT let it tank in his junior year AT ALL. My brother allowed his GPA to tank (nearly failing several courses) and now he is paying for it with tons of rejections and only, only ONE acceptance. That was a lucky shot. He’s learned his lesson and will hopefully do better in college.</p>
<p>Also, keep an eye out for alochol and drug use… very, very common among high school athletes…</p>
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<p>Say what? Was one “very” not enough? Are the uses of drugs and alcohol MORE prevalent among high school athletes that high schoolers who are part of rock bands or are on the Quiz Bowl team? </p>
<p>High school athletes is such a generic term that it encompasses the barely able to the truly exceptional. Let is be known that it’s very hard to play at a high level for a long period of time when abusing your system with drugs and alcohol, even in small quantities. While there is plenty of anecdotal “evidence,” the plural of anecdote is not factual data.</p>
<p>Catbird, I am the mother of girls (one an overachiever and one who only does as much as is absolutely necessary…interesting mix for us!), so I can’t claim personal experience. BUT, it does seem to me that you and your son are far down a road in which sports and grades are perceived as arch enemies. Perhaps you could let him continue in sports (with some reasonable expectations worked out with the coach) and at the same time tie achievement in grades to another factor – driving. The driver’s license seems to be extremely important to most teenagers. And, I have seen it work – we have friends whose very intelligent but slacker son maintained basement-level grades during his first two years of HS. Then, after they informed him he could not get a driver’s license or keep his driving privileges without maintaining a specified minimum grade point (3.2), his grades suddenly shot up to exactly that specified minimum. And stayed there for the rest of HS. Their only regret? Not setting a higher minimum. Best of luck to you.</p>
<p>xiggi, we supposedly have a rigorous academic policy for athletes, but S didn’t trigger anything. I could tear my hair out! 
The standard is:</p>
<p>failing 1 course = probation for two weeks
failing 2 courses = no playing until grades back up</p>
<p>Below 65 is failing–but no one fails who is present and breathing. D failed most quizzes and tests in three subjects but he raised his hand often enough to not fail. Also, the timeline is totally useless for a fall sport.</p>
<p>The varsity soccer team has a lot of top students…yet another reason we wish he’d wise up. (FWIW this is a very good boy–loving, helpful around the house, popular with kids and teachers alike–but oh-so-stubborn about not fixing the mess he got into.)</p>
<p>mimom, we’re already talking along those lines. Thanks for the anecdote about your friend’s S.</p>
<p>Our students have to maintain a 2.0 and have no Fs in order to avoid being on probation. Probation lasts until the end of the next grading period which is basically the season. If they don’t bring up the grades, student athletes are ineligible for the upcoming season. You can participate if you are on probation.</p>
<p>catbird spring grades count for the following falls eligibility at our school are you sure they don’t at yours?</p>
<p>catbird,
If soccer ended it November, but your S is still behind on his schoolwork, there is a bigger problem than just luck of time because of soccer…</p>
<p>Our sch. requires a 2.0 (anything below 70 is failing here)to stay on the team also and Spring grades count towards Fall participation. There is also a rule about the number of school abscences allowed to still be eligible to play a sport.</p>
<p>Catbird, my S failed Spanish and had a couple of C’s to go with it during football season of his jr. yr. I could have blamed it on football but I knew it was just him (lazy mostly). He got two more C’s in the Spring semester. It was a rough year but I didnt consider taking football away because I really didn’t think it was the problem or that lack of it would be the cure (btw, he also kept a parttime job working just one day a week during football season). </p>
<p>He’s now a senior currently retaking Spanish and is doing better (not great but better, still got a couple of C’s this year) attitude has improved and has been accepted into one of our state u’s and is excited about going. He was a starter on the varsity football team that went 10-1, the best record in school history. He was a big part of it and will remember his senior season for the rest of his life. It was quite a ride. That he failed Spanish as a jr. will be long forgotten in comparison. I’m so glad we didn’t make him quit football over failed Spanish.</p>
<p>For whatever this is worth. D was a recruited athlete at 7 out of 9 schools she applied to and got into all 7. However, her grades, scores etc were more outstanding than her sport success. Sort of world class student, and very solid athlete (nationally). She got into 4 ivies and S, each of which checked grades and scores immediately when she contacted them. I think as others have said you cannot force your S, it won’t work. But you might point out that many of those schools will not allow coaches to recruit if the athlete does not have the basic academic record for the place. I would have a heart to heart. If it does not work, I am not sure anything else will in the time you have. He may have to learn a tough lesson. I like to point out to kids the old Fram Oil Filter ad which has the tag line “pay me now, or pay me latter”, with the implication that the cost of later is very high and painful. Good luck</p>
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<p>It is now approximately five months since the season ended. Have you considered family counseling?</p>