Unemployed with temporary support?

<p>I do not see a need on this board to address WHY dad wont pay, but given that CS is over at 18 and spousal support is decreasing, that he may “feel” he can’t afford more is lame.</p>

<p>Oh I agree that it’s lame. I feel very badly for kids who have high-income NCPs who won’t help with college. I didn’t phrase my words correctly. I was trying to respond to the OP and her son’s (rightful) anger that he wouldn’t pay. In cases where child and spousal support are being paid, some NCPs get it into their heads that they are “doing enough”. I certainly do not agree with that way of thinking.</p>

<p>Downwardmobile…which UCs did he apply to? Did he apply to any that he could commute to? Did he apply to any others that might give him a Regents, besides the one from UCSB? (some of UCs give nice Regents)</p>

<p>I pretty much thought the $6,000/year UCSB Regents was the best one around. Are there really better ones? He also got Regents at Irvine but they only offered him $1,000/year. He is waiting to hear from UCSD, Berkeley and LA. He applied for Regents at UCLA but did not get an invite from Berkeley, which was the only UC school he really had any interest in going to. Apparently the UCLA Regents is only $2,000 per year, unless you demonstrate need on the FAFSA. which we did not. </p>

<p>He could conceivably commute to UCSD. My understanding of UCSD though is that it is very math/science oriented, and although my son is very good at math and science, he is really exceptionally gifted in the humanities. He got two 800’s on the writing section of the SAT as well as 800’s in History and Literature. He is EC of the Lit Mag. He thinks that he would be happier at Berkeley, UCLA or even UCSB for this reason. Perhaps it is only a rumor about UCSD being weak in Humanities. We will definitely need to check that out further if he gets accepted. My thinking right now is that if he gets a Regents offer from UCLA and wants to take it, I am going to find some way to send him there. Otherwise, I am not sure what we will do, but I do have other family members who will help some, and I will get work eventually. 55 may be old, but I’m not dead yet.</p>

<p>He will have options – the real problem I have here is the disappointment factor, which I contributed to due to my ignorance of the real situation. We come from an extended family where going to a prestigious LAC has been considered a birthright and his cousins are all attending schools like that. His dad (who went to Dartmouth for crying out loud) had originally said that he would contribute, and I thought that only my income would really be considered for FA purposes. Plus I did not understand the dismal state of the job market here until I started looking for work. It is all a case of hindsight being 20/20.</p>

<p>He tells me that none of his friends are even worried about paying for college. They are going places like Wesleyan and Stanford and Princeton without blinking. We still live in an upper middle class neighborhood and of course he is in all the top level classes, so this is to be expected. On the one hand, he has overcome some significant challenges already so I hate to see him have to face this too. On the other hand, I do believe that he will come out of this with a much better appreciation of things like entitlement and struggle.</p>

<p>I’m sorry you are going through this. Yes, there are far worse things, but, yes, it hurts. We , too, live in an expensive area where most of the parents can afford the top cost private schools without blinking. The only issue for most of my son’s friends is getting into the schools. Not so with my sons. We have a budget and we really can’t overextend or it will cause a lot more problems in the future. We are already over and are paying dearly for letting our college wants take over practical matters like money. </p>

<p>However, I have seen many kids go through with a lot more challenges. Several divorced friends had some horrible set backs that made paying for college seem like a spree.</p>

<p>*the real problem I have here is the disappointment factor, which I contributed to due to my ignorance of the real situation. We come from an extended family where going to a prestigious LAC has been considered a birthright and his cousins are all attending schools like that. His dad (who went to Dartmouth for crying out loud) had originally said that he would contribute, and I thought that only my income would really be considered for FA purposes. *</p>

<p>Yes, it can be very hard when extended family (who have different financial situations) are able to afford the elite schools and just “expect” that others do the same (and maybe are critical when they can’t). However, these relatives aren’t paying for your children’s education, so their opinions don’t matter in the long run.</p>

<p>As for classmates…unless these classmates already have the money set aside, don’t be surprised if some find out that they can’t afford to go their dream schools either. Calif has had a lot of setbacks and many who live in affluent areas are struggling just to get their big mortgages paid. I can remember the winter of my kids’ senior years at their private school. Many kids were bragging that they would be going to this or that elite school. but, when the FA packages came in and these schools expected larger family contributions than what were affordable and one set of parents split up and the funds were no longer there, several of these kids had to go to their safety schools. </p>

<p>*He could conceivably commute to UCSD. My understanding of UCSD though is that it is very math/science oriented, and although my son is very good at math and science, he is really exceptionally gifted in the humanities. He got two 800’s on the writing section of the SAT as well as 800’s in History and Literature. He is EC of the Lit Mag. He thinks that he would be happier at Berkeley, UCLA or even UCSB for this reason. Perhaps it is only a rumor about UCSD being weak in Humanities. We will definitely need to check that out further if he gets accepted. *</p>

<p>I would look into that. I find it hard to believe that UCSD is weak in humanities since it has that unique Oxford-style separate colleges set up. </p>

<p>*One of the features that sets UC San Diego apart from most major universities in the United States is its family of undergraduate colleges: Revelle, John Muir, Thurgood Marshall, Earl Warren, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Sixth. </p>

<p>The division of the campus community into small colleges was patterned after the concept which has served Oxford and Cambridge so successfully for centuries. The planners of the UC San Diego campus were convinced that students learn more, and find greater fulfillment in their personal lives, when joined academically and socially with a relatively small group of students. At the same time, the advantages of size in a university, including a faculty of international renown, first-rate teaching and research facilities, laboratories, libraries, and other amenities, were to be an important part of the design. </p>

<p>The result was an arrangement which combined the academic advantages of a large research university with the finest features of a small liberal arts college—the UC San Diego college system. Each of these semi-autonomous undergraduate colleges has its own residence facilities, staff, traditions, general-education requirements, and distinctive educational philosophy.
*</p>

<p>[Choosing</a> a College at UCSD](<a href=“http://www.ucsd.edu/catalog/front/Choosing.html]Choosing”>http://www.ucsd.edu/catalog/front/Choosing.html) Scroll down for a description of each college within UCSD</p>

<p>*Apparently the UCLA Regents is only $2,000 per year, </p>

<p>My thinking right now is that if he gets a Regents offer from UCLA and wants to take it, I am going to find some way to send him there. Otherwise, I am not sure what we will do, *</p>

<p>If your son can commute to UCSD and he gets $6k Regents there, then he could pay the rest with a student loan and some summer job earnings and some part time work during the school year.</p>

<p>however, if your son only gets $2k from UCLA and he must be a resident student, then the costs would rise significantly…</p>

<p>In-state tuition and fees: $10,781
Room and board: $13,734 </p>

<h2>Books and supplies: $1,608 </h2>

<p>About $27k in direct expenses…not counting “day to day” personal expenses, etc.</p>

<p>*but I do have other family members who will help some, *</p>

<p>Can you find out how much each can be counted on to contribute for each of the 4 years?</p>

<p>and I will get work eventually. 55 may be old, but I’m not dead yet.</p>

<p>Good for you! That’s the spirit! (BTW…I think Calif spousal support guidelines are awful. To expect someone in their 50’s to go from being a homemaker of a high income spouse to supporting herself in a reasonable fashion in a couple of years is a bit crazy. )</p>

<p>**</p>

<p>The UCSD option looks good to me too. My close friend’s DD lived at home, worked and commuted for 4 years, graduated with a double major, made Phi Beta Kappa, graduated with Honors and was accepted to law school with a small grant (very rare) She is doing so well these days, much better than many of her classmates and peers who went to the more selective schools. She also has very little in loans as compared to most of her peers. It is making a big difference in her life as she is now expecting her first child and is looking to put together a home life for a family. What was so important then is not at all important now and for the rest of her life. Please look at things in the long term.</p>

<p>Thanks guys –</p>

<p>He has not been accepted to UCSD yet, but he did get a Medical Scholars invite, so I am guessing it is pretty much a sure thing. If he gets a Regents offer there it will probably start to look better to him.</p>

<p>We will definitely be checking it out further. I’m going to take off from CC for awhile now and starting hitting the job boards : )</p>

<p>*What was so important then is not at all important now and for the rest of her life. Please look at things in the long term. *</p>

<p>so true!</p>

<p>If your family can help a bit, then they can help make up the shortfall at UCSD…which is still several thousand dollars. </p>

<p>Commuting to UCSD is still going to cost about $13k in tuition/fees (minus $6k Regents), plus about $1500 books (quarter system), and at least another 1,000 for gas/transportation. So, about $10k per year for those costs. I don’t know what kind of car your son has, but that expense, car insurance, gas, repairs, etc, will all add up. And, of course, he’ll have some kind of personal expenses…and may eat some meals on campus. </p>

<p>Believe me, there are costs associated with going to college that don’t show up anywhere on any list of “cost of attendance”.</p>