It’s the anger part that I gather to be off-limits. Anger veddy, veddy bad. Frustrated handwringing in the face of these killings is quite acceptable, though.
Many people are angry and frustrated. It is the clearly political conversations that are off limits.
We know people affected in Virginia Beach, lived through the horror of Virginia Tech, where one of my kids went. Trust me, @poetsheart , you are not the only one who is angry, frustrated, you name it!
On the Highlands Ranch STEM shooting thread, it was argued that the shooters’ names should never be mentioned, that the details of the events shouldn’t be revealed, and that’s pretty much what has happened. It was in the papers here for a day or two, the arraignments had a 30 second clip on the TV news, the funeral of Kendal received coverage (more in the Catholic paper than in the Denver Post), and that’s it. We, the public, never find out anything else. We don’t even know the name of the second shooter even though he is being tried as an adult. No idea where the guns came from, no idea why they brought guns to the school ad shot their classmates.
Columbine, of course, had coverage for months. My best friend won a Pulitzer Prize for the coverage. We knew all the names of the victims and the shooters, laws were changed, the entire procedure for dealing with active shooters was developed. The Aurora Theater shooting also received more press and more laws were changed.
There have been a couple other single shooter/single death incidents. I can’t tell you the names of the victims or what happened to the shooters. I think the incidents need to be talked about. School kids need to be told what to do if THEY feel angry not just what to do if they see a friend with a gun or how to run from the school with your hands in the air.
That silencers/suppressors were legal in the bulk of US states was something I didn’t know. That they were, along with my ignorance, didn’t seem to make much of a difference until now.
I’m not sure you’re educating so much as chumming up the nuts, with the coverage.
What are you doing that sets you apart from and puts you above “the majority of people” who you claim are apathetic about mass murder? What is the correct reaction to these tragedies?
At our school we teach this too. We have time periods dedicated to getting very specific with anger, depression, hopelessness, life changing situations, feeling left out/behind and more. If led correctly, it can bring up great discussion and let students know they aren’t the only one with these feelings as most falsely think they are.
PA has also just started a program allowing kids to get help for their friends anonymously.
Overall, I agree with the pp who said most folks have gone to acceptance. At school this generation who has grown up with shootings as normal often merely looks at where the latest one was and moves on with life within minutes. They do the drills with more adrenaline involved, probably because they know it can happen anytime, anywhere. Fire drills? Ho hum, common, no stress - all comments involve weather or what they’re missing in class. Alice drills? Many questions and discussion among themselves and as much as I can allow in class about “what ifs.” The conversations can continue into classes later that day.
I’d appreciate some advice. The day before Va Beach, a co-worker got the news that he didn’t get the promotion he thought he’d get. Note - the rest of us knew he’d be last in the group of 3 to get it, but for some reason he thought it was his. Since then, and granted this only happened 3-4 work days ago, his work habits have changed significantly. He immediately threw his employee service award in the trash and told my boss he was leaving in 2 weeks. And he has been seriously inquiring elsewhere. But, he also came in and just started trashing old map records for no reason. He clocked in at 8:06, whereas the past decade he’s always 5-10 minutes early. He’s also been talking about guns - in a joking manner, but still. He has shown a side of himself that I have not seen in the last 10 years.
Prior to Friday, I would have just dismissed it with a “He’ll get over it. He’d never really do anything to hurt us.” But now, I wonder. And then I tell myself I’m just being over-dramatic, and I probably am. I’d still say the chances are low… but still. You always hear people say you should speak up. Well, to whom? At this point, I’m planning tell my boss this afternoon about the change. I’m sure he’s clueless because he’s never here. But I can almost guarantee nothing will be done if I stopped there. But if you go to HR and he gets in trouble, I’d hate for that to happen because chances are about 90% that I am just being over-dramatic and affected by Va Beach, especially since we are a similar workplace.
I would go to HR immediately. Go with your gut. This behavior is a huge red flag and unacceptable.
If you have a personal relationship with this co-worker, you could consider letting him know you are worried about him. Knowing that someone cares could diffuse some of his anger.
Without knowing more, I don’t know what I would do or who I would talk to, but it sounds like you believe you should act in some way.
Of course, you should never take an action that you fear might make you a target.
It is difficult to act when you know that most threats, distress, etc. don’t signal violence. Nevertheless some do. My thoughts might be to consider who might be the best person to follow up with this fellow.
Nrdsb4, all my actions have been political in nature, and I’m sure you understand I cannot detail them here, but suffice it to say I didn’t just vote. I would seriously consider participating in a march on Washington, but we’re I not able, I would financially support such an effort like I’ve never done over any other issue. I cannot say more.
@jasmom Thanks. I probably would be the one to talk to him, being the “old mother hen” now in the office. I’m just not a confrontational person and violence scares the out of me. I am riding to a meeting this afternoon with my boss shortly, and I think I’ll discuss it with him then. Just to give a heads up and maybe discuss what steps to do from here. I do hesitate doing anything drastic, because as you said - it would make me a target, especially if HR or my boss went to him saying “there’s been a complaint.” There aren’t many of us TO complain. We’ve always gotten along well and I don’t want to jeopardize that. I do care about him as a person very much.
ClassicMom- If he has truly given his 2 week notice and is behaving that way, HR should politely tell him that they are going to excuse him from working out his notice period and send him home. He should not remain in your workplace with that behavior. (I am an employment lawyer and have dealt with this.) Hopefully that means he no longer has access. Those are red flags and probably nothing, but in this day and age…
“Since then, and granted this only happened 3-4 work days ago, his work habits have changed significantly. He immediately threw his employee service award in the trash and told my boss he was leaving in 2 weeks. And he has been seriously inquiring elsewhere. But, he also came in and just started trashing old map records for no reason. He clocked in at 8:06, whereas the past decade he’s always 5-10 minutes early. He’s also been talking about guns - in a joking manner, but still. He has shown a side of himself that I have not seen in the last 10 years.”
Coming in a little late after being disappointed in being passed over = normal
Trashing stuff and talking about guns - even if passed off as joking = not normal
I wouldn’t talk to your coworker directly. With an irrational mind, things could get twisted to make it your fault. I would talk to HR, maybe even anonymously.
I don’t think you’ve given enough information. I think it would be ridiculous to go to HR because someone clocked in at 8:06. A comment about guns could range from John Doe plans to go duck hunting to John Doe wants to end his life to John Doe plans to shoot everyone at the office. Depending on exactly what was said, I might do nothing or call 911.
@classicmom98, I sent you a PM.
@classicmom98 -IMO, this is a see/hear something, say something. Trashing stuff and talking about guns is not OK.
I would go to HR and say you are concerned about your coworker’s behavior.
Also agree that if he gave official notice and wasn’t just blowing off steam, he should be asked to leave now, and there should be security on hand just in case.
@roethlisburger You’re right. It’s hard to exactly convey everything that was said in the last few days and the manner in which is was said, not to mention how our office has always operated and behaved. But FWIW - we were sitting around the office monday morning talking about VA Beach and how it could happen anywhere and he replied that he could easily come in here with his (insert fancy gun name that I don’t know) and nobody would stop him. I was told he was talking like that again this morning before I came in. Of course, he was right. Anyone of us could do so. Almost all of us own guns, most have several and are avid hunters, and I believe that’s the direction we took. That yes, anyone of us could… and moved on to something else. But none of us are very angry about our work situation.
I do tend to over-analyze, stress, and second guess myself. In a few minutes, I"ll talk to my boss about my concerns with the desire to not confront him that there’s been a complaint. I hope to just talk to him more, listen, and be a friend. Honestly, had VA Beach not happened, I think it would blow over. I hope so.
Oh, and the 2 week notice was not official. He has been talking to other places, but I don’t know if he will leave or not.
It just goes to show that when you read about things that happen in the news, it’s so easy to say “why didn’t they do X or Y.” But when your’e in the middle of it, the best path is not as clear cut as you would think.
And yet what’s HR to do? By the time they can legally act, this dude could have executed a few mass killlings. I’ve just accepted that mass killings are as American as apple pie and baseball. And America seems OK with that.
HR can act immediately. We have removed people from the workplace quickly for any conduct that we view as concerning. We also notify the police and I write a “no trespass” letter. Our exact procedure varies depending on whether it is our corporate HQ, a distribution center or one of our 1800 other locations.
@MomofWildChild – oh yes. Because “removing people from the workplace quickly” is such a deterrent to mass killings. Unprecedented, in fact. (Yes. Sarcasm.)