<p>My mother eloped and the extended family griped for 30 years.
Nowadays, marriages are so tentative that I believe everyone should focus on best wishes and whatever support we can offer, as time passes. Sorry you went through this, though. Maybe you can get photos with the babies that come along.</p>
<p>justforthis, I don’t think I’ve ever been to wedding where aunts and uncles and cousins were included in the formal pictures. Candids at the reception, yes. Often the candids are by far the best pictures.</p>
<p>(Sign me as among those who think that many a wedding has been ruined by excessive photography and videography…)</p>
<p>I wonder if this is regional.</p>
<p>I already know my dad’s side of the family (the aunts especially) will gripe about everything at my wedding. I am the least favorite niece and that is more than fine with me- the feeling is mutual. I’m just going to do what I wanna do and if someone’s hurt, tough. </p>
<p>I’m sorry you’re hurt, OP. It likely was just an oversight on a hectic day OR a decision made because of something going on on the groom’s side.</p>
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<p>yes you do…the day was not about you…and now you are really going to let a picture change your family dynamic?</p>
<p>It is often up the the Bride and Groom. They will work with the photographer before the event and come up with a “shot list.” They let the photographer know beforehand who they want to make sure they take pictures with. Like someone mentioned above, the pictures can take a lot of time and the couple wants to have time to enjoy the event and mingle with their guests.</p>
<p>I’m going to speak out respectfully against the suggestion of the ‘bossy aunt’ yanking the photographer for a formal portrait. As other have stated, the B&G have told the photog what they want beforehand, it takes up a lot of time, they are anxious to get to the reception, and very often they are on a time schedule depending on time of day and venue. At the reception gather your group and have someone take a picture.</p>
<p>My wedding album is made entirely of snapshots that guests shared with me. There was an issue with the formal photographer so we put out a request. It is much better then anything we could have asked for. I think many others have shared similar sentiments. The unintended moments captured can be the most fun.</p>
<p>I agree with blueiguana. It’s really up to the bride and groom who they want in the formal portraits. It’s a stressful day already without a “bossy aunt” trying to change things. I just looked at my old wedding pictures. No aunts or uncles in any of the formal pics-just in some of the reception pictures. I do have a sister who has never married or had children. She has been wonderful to my children and I do hope they choose to include her in a picture or two. I don’t expect at all to be in any formal portraits at nieces or nephews weddings. But I hate getting my picture taken anyway!</p>
<p>The bossy aunt is a long standing tradition to get the extended family portraits taken with the consent of the bride and groom.
The bossy aunt knows everyone, is beloved and respected so that everyone does as she directs because the goal is to get the grandparents the pictures they want of all their offspring.
No event coordinator, wedding planner or photographer can get the job done as quickly and efficiently.
This must be a regional, ethnic, cultural thing since the majority of you think the bossy aunt is a bad person.
On the contrary, she is awesome and well respected in the family dynamic…</p>
<p>Does anyone other than the bridge and groom even have the option to purchase pictures generally?</p>
<p>I have a bossy sister in law. She had the gall to move the table numbers at a family wedding because SHE thought a different group of people should be at the table next to hers. The rest of us reminded her…NOT her wedding and moved the numbers back.</p>
<p>I agree with the poster up steam who said a picture should not change the family dynamic. Did the guests come to share the wedding event, or did they come to be included in the pictures? I agree, time to let go of this. Hopefully you took some pics yourself.</p>
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<p>Not that I’ve ever heard. But if you think about it, that could be a good scheme for reducing the cost of wedding photography, assuming that the Photog would give you a break on the basic fee per X number of prints ordered! :D</p>
<p>Bride and groom directs all interested to the wedding photographer’s website to the wedding album pictures the bride and groom consent to be released.
You order and buy your own choice of pictures through the wedding photographer.</p>
<p>If the bossy aunt is asked by the B&G to take on this role, then more power to her and what a help! If this is not a tradition in your family and you have not been asked to take on this role I stick with my original post. If you’re on the groom’s side of the family and this is a tradition, do not assume the bride’s side has the same tradition and would appreciate the ‘help’ of a bossy aunt unless one is asked before hand specifically by the B&G.</p>
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<p>I agree. I cannot imagine giving this more than a few minutes of thought. </p>
<p>I guess that the older I get, the less patience I have with the concept of being offended, holding grudges, or taking insult. I would be willing to bet that NO offense was intended by this bride and groom.</p>
<p>Really, life is too short. Focus on what really matters, which is that the bride and groom wanted you to be there to share THEIR moment. It was your privilege to be included-whether or not there was a scheduled photo with extended family is really small potatoes in the big picture. If one incident such as this means you are no longer “extremely close,” then I would have to wonder how close you really were if the relationship is this fragile.</p>
<p>A couple of thoughts:</p>
<p>When wey did a wedding and I was ‘allowed’ to request extended family groups. We were paying for an awesome photographer and I wanted my extended family who came to the wedding to have a nice photo taken of them. So I specifically asked for a photo of the grandmother of the bride with her kids, same group plus spouses, same group plus kids & grandkids. We also requested that each of my siblings and their family who was there get a group photo and we did a bride and cousins photo.</p>
<p>I mentioned this to the groom’s family who were pleased to be told of the opportunity, but the groom thought it was silly (kids!)</p>
<p>I worked on that extended family list, but I am now thinking I am not sure if we have some of the immediate family ones i would have liked like Bride, Mom & Grandmother. I honestly don’t recall which combos we did.</p>
<p>Seriously, this day goes so fast, do NOT take it personally. I had this big discussion and planned how & when I could get extended family photos, but never discussed the ones the bride was handling and never realised we missed some good combinations that I woudl have just assumed we normal. I am not even sure if there is one of the bride and both parents! </p>
<p>They do things differently now. The far away grandparents wanted to know why all the engagement photos don’t show enough of their faces. So many photos are gorgeous and artsy and capture an emotion not just a portrait style face.</p>
<p>Really, unless you think someone purposely snubbed you I would assume it never was discussed and was not noticed in time. I like the appointed bossy auntie idea.</p>
<p>In our family, 3 generations now that I’ve seen, it is traditional to take group pics of each side of family including aunts, uncles, cousins. Just a few weeks ago my cousin( 30’s) was married and we had 15 relatives come from Texas plus us northerners 35 plus and the B&G took a group pic with us all, B&G also took one with his family from Europe and others from California. The B&G are very family oriented. I have similar pics from my parents wedding, my generation and now the next ( my brother’s DD). Pics are also taken of each table at reception. I’ve attended my 2 cousin’s ( in their 20’s) wedding in Texas over the past several years and they did this too as well had the pics posted on photographer’s website for purchase which I found to be a nice option. It is regional, individual and a reflection of different family values but I can see why older generations might expect it and be disappointed. The way I feel is that these rites of passage are happy times to remember and it is not that unlikely that weddings maybe the last time some older family members are together before the next funeral especially if they live far from each other. I truly value my wedding pics 26 yrs later now that so many I loved dearly are gone.</p>
<p>Actually if I had to do it again, I’d have a picture of us with my favorite aunt and uncle. We didn’t have superformal pictures anyway. The photographer held up the wedding a bit because there was a spectacular sunset and he said it was too good to waste! But there were plenty of places in the reception area where one could have taken nice family photos. I’d suggest that if the photographer is at the reception and someone would like to be in a picture with the bride and groom they ask them nicely at the reception if if would be possible for the photographer to take a picture together. I imagine most couples would be happy to oblige.</p>
<p>Having been through two Ds’ weddings (and a 3rd coming next month), the formal photographer’s pictures are:</p>
<p>B&G
with each of:
parents
grandparents
siblings and significant others
wedding party
entire family - parents, grandparents, siblings and significant others and grandchildren.</p>
<p>The photographer and his assistants also made sure to get candid shots of all guests. One D chose from 1500! proofs, and the other from 800. The real job was narrowing down which ones we wanted. It was a long process.</p>
<p>The reality is that you can choose to have photos taken of whomever you want but always keep in mind that photos can be very time-consuming. As it was, both of my Ds told the wedding planner and photographer that no more than an hour would be dedicated to photos after the ceremony. The guests were served drinks and hors d’oeuvres during that time. </p>
<p>I honestly don’t recall if anyone else could purchase individual photos from the photographer’s website. I don’t think so. Both Ds got a DVD of all the photos so they could have any of them printed at a later date for anyone who wanted to do so. The package we purchased included a large album for the B&G, and a smaller one for each set of parents. We chose which photos we wanted included. They were nice, bound and similar to an actual book. The kids ordered 8X10s, framed them, and gave them as gifts to the wedding party members and all grandparents the following Christmas.</p>
<p>I have been at several family weddings ( both my family and H’s) where pictures included extended family. This is often the only chance that we get to have a photo of all of us together.</p>
<p>When (if) either of my kids gets married I would love to have extended family included and I think my kids would too.</p>