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<p>Break it to him in little bitty bits. Some of us have found that those breaks and summers get filled up, largely without us. Great research opps back at campus. Wonderful foreign experiences. Trips to see college friends. I won’t deny her any of it but…</p>
<p>jollymon,
We were at a student production of Fiddler on the Roof a couple of weeks ago and the themes of transition and leaving hit H like a ton of bricks. I’ve been processing this for a long time. I think H will have the harder time when S1 goes. Not that it’s going to be easy for me, by any means…</p>
<p>Even S2 will miss his older brother – esp. when it’s time to mow the lawn, clean the rain gutters, take out the trash/recycling…</p>
<p>A science teacher at our two D’s high school had the same feelings you are havng when his two sons graduated from h.s. He would say, “My room was their locker, their snack stop, their ATM, their confessional, etc.” and he missed them terribly when they left. </p>
<p>As someone said, small steps. They both attended state U’s, so they were able to come home and he was able to see them without a lot of trouble. One is now on the east coast and the other works in a foreign country.</p>
<p>^^ sniff^^ That’s exactly how I feel! I teach at their high school and my room is the central hangout for them and their friends. I will have DS entering high school the first year they are gone but I have no illusions. He won’t be hanging out w/ me to the same degree. Thanks for the reminder that though they or one of ther friends will sometimes leave their lunch mess I will miss it when it doesn’t happen anymore.</p>
<p>jollymon, You and my husband need to get together for a beer. He, too, has had our oldest at his high school for 4 years. They rode together everyday until S got his license, S kept his lunch in his dad’s fridge all of these years(husband told him to put it there on purpose I think just to get to see him more). About two weeks ago when I was about to drop off to sleep, I looked over at my husband: big, bad head football coach, a man whose football players absolutely think is the toughest, hardest man around, wiping his cheeks that were covered with tears. He was crying just thinking about not having his “best bud” with him next year. </p>
<p>I tried to help by sharing with him just how lucky he was to have had a job that allowed him to be with his child in school on a daily basis. Not many moms or dads get the chance to have this type of connection or interact with their kids in that way. </p>
<p>For us personally, I honestly don’t know if it is going to be harder with the first child or when the second one goes through his school and leaves, although for us the second one is a girl and from what I have heard that in itself can bring many different challenges! :)</p>
<p>Hang in there and know that you aren’t alone in all of this!</p>
<p>Wow, I just read that and really can’t respond to it now. Maybe it is way too close for me as this situation is very close to us. I will respond tomorrow when I can not get too emotional about it. Thanks for writing, that hit very close to home, especially the sport part.</p>
<p>Sigh. My youngest one is playing what is likely her final recital in her hometown Saturday, and I’m listening to her practice.</p>
<p>[Meera</a> April Concert Poster](<a href=“http://www.palestinereview.org/Site_2/Meera_April_Concert_Poster.html]Meera”>http://www.palestinereview.org/Site_2/Meera_April_Concert_Poster.html)</p>
<p>Probably 400 people will turn out, and many of us will be weeping.</p>
<p>And then I’ll have both girls on the east coast.</p>
<p>I can’t say anything because I am just a young old student. You can adopt me if you want because my parents felt the same way when they had to let me go:D I hope that he will enjoy his time in London and come back safe. Stay proud of your boy jollymon.</p>
<p>My husband, who was able to spend an enormous amount of time with our son (also a very tall gentle giant), used to walk past our son’s room after he left for college and burst out crying. I think we both felt like we were grieving for a while. It gets better with time. Promise.</p>
<p>good to hear how common the sadness is…once my son finalized his decision I began to feel it—little spacy, kind of sad–“how could this really be happening”. when my son went on his 3 day scholarship competition to the college he ultimately plans to go to I ached–not being dramatic and never like that…I felt his absence, just missed the years, the sharing and the little boy he used to be. I know he is ready and I feel proud to send him into the world a decent, down to earth, good kid. but I know there will be those times, when life brings what life brings and he will feel all that. we can’t keep those from them, nor can we keep ourselves from recognizing that as they become adults, they will face life on life’s terms…so glad we have forged a close relationship and he can talk about his own excitement, along with his concerns, etc. me thinks that will be a very good coping skill to have for life…love the warmth and sensitivity of the dads on here and please remember and hold onto that your kids are blessed to have you!</p>
<p>I’m glad not all the dads out there have been brainwashed by this society into suppressing their feelings just because they’re male. This oppressive and de-humanizing cultural expectation should be abolished. Btw, studies actually show that guys tend to show more emotion than girls in experimental settings (whether this is due to bottled up feelings or natural inclination, I don’t know). Clearly, they are capable of doing it, but thanks to this prevailing Chivalric view of the guy having to be strong, they have to put up a facade.</p>
<p>OP, There are days that have left indelible imprints in me, including when my children were born, but the one that was the most painful was the day last September that we left DD curbside on Mass Ave. I cannot describe the pain and feeling of loss that I felt that day. And, to be honest, I had thought, naively, that it was going to be a joyous day - DD had a successful HS career, had navigated through the college admissions maze, and was embarking on a new and exciting chapter of her life. Little did I know…
As bessie mentioned, it does get better with time. Prepare yourself, however, for a challenging time. NSM’s advice is very helpful - find a new activity that you can focus on. For me, I have taken up jogging three or four miles a day, and this has really helped me.</p>
<p>I think all parents go through these changes regardless of gender depending on how involved they are in their children’s lives. My two being gone has left a big void in my life. I find my self wondering that when my last leaves, what is next for me…the peace corp?..or just the rest of my life.</p>
<p>Wow, I continue to be amazed at all the wonderful suggestions and comments left on here. To the person who suggested I share what I wrote with my son: great suggestion! I think he was moved by it. I love reading all your respomces. Keep them coming.</p>