As someone who has an Exeter alumnus in the family, I believe that Exeter ticks many of the boxes: Academic expectations, diverse community, amazing arts offerings. Where I don’t think that it fits the needs of this particular candidate is in the “supportive boarding environment” that OP mentioned. My understanding is that both Andover and Exeter expect a higher degree of independence from their students and aren’t as supportive as other schools. The size of the school means that, while the advisors may spend time with advisees in dedicated advising sessions, they don’t have informal interactions with them in the same way that they would in a smaller school (e.g., coach, music teacher, dorm parent, table head). My impressions may only reflect the experiences of the students and graduates I know, so please feel free to offer another perspective on the supportive and nurturing side of Exeter/Andover.
Hey, I wanted to ask you something about deadlines. Is the deadline is January 15th including January 15th day? I mean can I submit an essay on Jan 15th? Thanks!
I can’t speak to the smaller Big Schools, but our experience is different.
Besides two House Counselors who lead Dorm Meetings every Sunday evening (which are basically bonding sessions, including announcements, group sharing, food and celebrations), my kid has a dedicated Mentor in addition to her Advisor. Her Advisor is assigned to her for the duration of her attendance (four years in our case) and is the point person responsible for all academic monitoring, planning and guidance and who she meets with weekly, either one-on-one or in her Advisory Group (less than eight kids, I think?).
Beyond that the school is organized by Clusters - Dorms and houses with geographic proximity to form a mini-community within the school, led by a Cluster Dean who is also responsible for your kid and has to give approvals for off campus activities, absences, etc. My kid’s a musician, so there’s the music community and teachers who are pretty knitted together as well as the athletes who are a whole other community - example: after this weekend’s away event, the Coach took the team to Chipotle instead of heading back to the dining hall, so a team dinner, which is not unusual. All of this without even getting into the many many clubs and other activities. So the kid’s got Dorm Pride, Cluster Pride, Chamber Music Pride, Sports Team Pride, and multiple Clubs- Pride. Lots of inclusive communities.
So big doesn’t equate to a lack of intimacy. What I will say is that it’s up to the kid to engage, but there’s more than enough adult support and as many communities as you can choose to be a part of. Big gives the kid choices to create the experience they want over and above the academic.
Wow! Thank you so much for this! What school are you talking about exactly?
Andover.
Now I’m worried I don’t have a chance at Andover as well as Exeter, Lawrenceville, Choate, etc due to my situation and necessities.
By the way, by way of arts, there is a brand new music building, which is separate from the Theater in another building, which is separate from the multi-level dance complex in the Athletic Center (yes - they consider dance athletic), which is separate from the famous Museum on campus (Google Addison Gallery).
Not selling it; just saying approach this with an open mind and eyes.
And a really really really good application 
I don’t think I’m that good at dance 
But thanks!!!
What situation and necessities?
Three excellent schools to add, aligning with the applicant’s interest and with the ability to fund an international student who requires significant aid.
However, I would not necessarily remove the schools with great FA just because they are larger. I can confirm that a smaller school might match a larger school’s FA offer for an international student from an underrepresented country who fits an institutional priority. If an applicant is fortunate to have choice and also has need, this is helpful. No reason the student would not then attend the smaller school with the most FA possible, if this is the preferred community.
I think in this case a long list and wide group of schools might make sense. I rarely say that.
Indy, I think that Andover and Exeter are very inclusive and their size allows for students with a wide array of interests to “find their people”. That said, it’s incumbent on the student to do that work. The inclusivity isn’t automatic and I still don’t think that it’s a “supportive boarding environment”. Students at a large school can fall through the cracks much more easily than at a small school. The alumni I know from both schools had good experiences and went to good colleges. Even those who have good friends and mentors there now say that it’s not a nurturing atmosphere and you have to figure out a lot of things out for yourself (socially, academics, ECs). The degree of independence that they require of students in order to be successful is distinct from the way that other schools approach this journey. This hands-off approach is right for some students, but not right for all.
All of these impressions are based on students who have only been to one school, so it’s very hard to find people who can accurately compare across schools–even parents with multiple kids.
Thank you for explaining this, that distinction actually makes sense to me. I understand what you mean by Andover and Exeter being inclusive in terms of opportunities, but more hands-off in how students are supported day to day. I agree that their size requires a level of independence and self-advocacy that isn’t the right fit for everyone.
For me, the most important things are a strong education, staying connected with my parents, and being able to grow into independence gradually. I’m comfortable with needing to take initiative socially and academically, as I see that as good preparation for college and life. At the same time, I’m continuing to research different school cultures so I can better understand which environments balance independence and support in a way that fits me best.
Thank you, this is really helpful perspective. I hadn’t thought about it that way, especially the idea that a smaller school could match or even exceed FA for an international student if there’s a strong institutional fit or priority. That makes a lot of sense.
I agree that, given my need for financial aid and the fact that I’m still learning what environment will suit me best, keeping a wider list right now is probably the most realistic approach. If I’m fortunate enough to have options, being able to choose a school that both feels like the right community and is financially feasible would be ideal.
I appreciate you weighing in — it helps me think about this more clearly as I continue researching and refining my list
I’m struggling to understand what this means. Putting aside the clubs and teams and other communities a student can proactively choose to participate in, the dorm, cluster and Advisory communities are compulsory, so not sure how much more “automatic” it can be.
I also don’t understand “hands off.” There’s a ton of scaffolding around these kids (and a lot more than there used to be, I can tell you for sure) . Again, I described to you a minimum of three adult roles responsible for your kid including an Advisor who is responsible for their academic journey throughout (so they’re not “figuring it out” on their own) and a pretty requirements-heavy curriculum (in fact one thing current students and alums agree on is the desire to have more flexibility for electives). Nobody’s falling through the cracks any more than they would at Groton. With the Cluster system, its just like there are 5 smaller Grotons with the Cluster Dean as the Head of School equivalent.
And of course they allow you a broad range of options for your interests and nobody’s gonna choose those for you any more than they are tucking you in at night, waking you up in the morning or choosing your friends for you. But I don’t expect they’re doing that at Groton either. And with respect to growing into your independence gradually, OP, you’re given greater latitude as you go up the class ladder. I’m saying its a nice balance of intimacy, structure and choice. Not sure how your friends’ experiences could have differed so much. Did they come in older or as PG’s? Or was it a very long time ago?
<Mods, I know this is afield from the original chancing, but think it relevant as the OP is thinking through choices.>