<p>The essays on the NPR site really are something special; terrific examples of voice and energy.</p>
<p>Balletgirl - the feedback is appreciated. However, I should disclose that I’ve had the opportunity to meet a number of the students whose essays were posted this year and last, and each time I’ve been struck by how genuinely reflective those essays were of the person behind them. The qualities I would have drawn out of those essays are the same as the qualities I drew out of the conversations that we shared. In the end, I think that’s the mark of a good college essay/personal statement. One that lets a stranger come to understand who you are. And, though I have a bias, I find it difficult to talk to a Tufts student and have the adjective ‘contrived’ bubble up - so I respectfully disagree with your take. Read the essays we’ve posted (as well as the ones from Conn or the NPR essays) with an eye to what you can learn about the individual who wrote it, rather than examining the particulars of topic, style, or syntax. Though I am aware of topic, style, and syntax when I read an application, all of that is merely the framework for what’s important: trying to get a picture of who each individual applicant actually is. Personally, some of my favorite essays this year came from very unpolished students, but the result was the same - I had confidence that I understood the applicant.</p>
<p>today at school we had a professional writer come in to do a workshop and she shared with us six of her favorite student essays of all times…they were fantastic but totally the voice of a 17 year old. Most of these kids went on to tippy top schools/ivies and believe me there is a world of difference between these and the TUFTS essays. Everyone I know who has read them found them to be offputting, they are just “too good” and too polished but not in a good way. If I am feeling ambitious one day I will share one of the essays on the handout she gave to show what a good essay is all about and this is coming from a former Brown professor/professional writer/director of admissions. Just though I would share!</p>
<p>Posting essays “that worked” is a wonderful initiative and we should be thankful to the participating colleges. However, its greatest value also represents its greatest danger: flattery by imitation. In so many words, the essays posted by schools only represent essays that worked for THAT school. Case in point, Conn College continues its tradition to reward essays that are, should we say, different; I call them the purple and pink essays in reference to Pepto-Bismol or the type of writing you see in books with a picture of Fabio printed on the jacket. </p>
<p>Is this really an essay worthy of praise, let alone emulation by anyone except a Conn College applicant?</p>
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<p>Oh, God Thesaurus, thank you for the plethora of illuminating adjectives and adverbs!</p>
<p>Colby has a couple essays posted on its student site, I don’t think as “examples” but more to give a sense of who comes to the school. I liked this one:</p>
<p>With one of the all time favorite questions about essays being about length, I did a word count on a randomly selected essay from the Reed site. FWIW, it was 894 words. I think this confirms that kids on CC too often worry about the wrong things. Admissions people care much more about the qualities conveyed about students by the various parts of the application in toto than they do about any of the specific details related to completing the forms.</p>
<p>Katherine Cohen’s book on Ivy League admissions has a chapter on how to write your essay, and a number of real essays that gained admissions. She explains why the essays worked. I didn’t like them much, but if they worked, can’t argue with that. One applicant described a day in his life from the point of view of his bicycle. To me, that sounded like a middle school idea. Another one was about being a Hispanic female, but to me it came off as stereotyped and self-serving, almost bragging. Still, I think it’s worth reading essay advice from a couple of experts in the field.</p>
<p>Clayton’s essay on the NPR site…I stopped reading after the first three paragraphs. He tried to use every big word he learned while studying for the SAT. 17-year-olds don’t write like that! He lost me right when I got to this: “the sudden and succulent change of scenery…”</p>
<p>By contrast, Leah’s was fantastic! I liked Richard’s too (about flying), but of all of them, Leah’s felt the most natural and effortless. </p>
<p>It’s interesting to see how everyone’s using their essays to discuss a weakness in a positive light, like the consultants and articles all tell us to, so there’s a definitely a sense that they are all contrived in some way, but Leah’s got past that. I connected with her. </p>
<p>Thanks to the OP for starting this thread. There are some great resources here. I was dreading my essays (even though I love to write), but now I have some insight into what works and what doesn’t, at least for me.</p>
<p>Hi,
I haven’t posted in a while, but I thought I could add another perspective to this thread.</p>
<p>I wrote one of the essays for Tufts. And even though it was a year ago, I remember how much time and energy I had to put in it. There were times I added words- whole paragraphs, even- and I would be so frustrated when sentences didn’t fit in together or when words didn’t convey what I wanted to say. To me, this essay was more than a journal of honest stream of consciousness; I wanted to write in a way that would be the best and clearest representation of who I was. This is why I revised and polished it before sending it in. I’ve met about 4 or 5 of the other writers in person, and Dan is absolutely right in saying that they are, in real life, who they appear on paper. Not contrived or fake in any way.</p>
<p>If you are a high school senior looking at Tufts, you may or may not want to use the essays as samples of what Tufts is looking for. But one thing is for sure: try not to judge the school based on the voices of 17 students; we don’t even come close to representing the amazing diversity here. I’m sure you have your own ideas of what a good essay is or should be; just disregard the samples and go with your gut instincts! I think the admissions office would love that.</p>
<p>I don’t know. Some of those essays seem so overly poetic in very cliche ways. Maybe that’s why I will probably get rejected by most colleges while those people made it…</p>