My husband is wrapping up a business trip to Italy. I went with him two years ago , but because of finances I decided it better to stay home this time. The part of Italy he visited to meet with a company we represent here, is not as nice as I expected , since Italy was always on my bucket list of places to visit.
His ticket there was inexpensive if he stayed the weekend …with nothing to do.
I urged him to see other parts of the country to get a better view and it turned out that he was really impressed with what he saw ( he has been to Italy many times , but always the same area and it’s not that impressive )
I wish I was able to go…my mother today told me to go next time , no matter what because we never know what will happen in the future and the bills will always be there ( really odd advice from a woman who has no debt and pays her credit card odd every month )
After some of the alarming things he saw , I think she was right
Reading this thread I would say it is important to explore and try new things that you wouldn’t normally think to do.
There is a lot to experience and see out there. We will always be busy and have responsibilities so we really need to schedule time to have fun and make good memories. Sometimes it’s best not to think about the past or worry too much about the future. We should try to enjoy the present.
While I adore both of our kids I wish that we had stuck with one. Either one of them!
I think H and I were already older than we realized and one would have been a better fit.
(so I am at the only one here to feel that I guess).
If I could turn time back I would not have spent 30 years in a relationship with a GF that was so negative. I could not see it, only have this last year, but she and I repeated the disfunctional relationship I had with my mother with some slight differences. In order to not have engaged with her I would have needed to not have been so lonely when I met her. I love email, etc as I think young people today may be lonely but they are also able to not feel as isolated as I did in 1978.
I have a former neighbor who always says (in front of her kids) that she wishes she never had kids (even though I and most folks feel her kids are amazing and wonderful young men). I’m sad for her and her kids that she says that in front of them. I’m also sad that she really seems to mean it.
Because H and I were older when we married and started our family, I REALLY insisted we only have two kids, whom we both adore. I told him that he’d never be able to retire if we had a third (or more) kid. I love kids, but two is just right to me and H has come to agree that it is a perfect number for us.
Two kids was just right for us, too. I see lots of people who are happy having more, but that’s not me. Never longed for a third.
I find that the older I get, the more inclined I am to do things out of my comfort zone. I say yes more often and don’t worry about details/cost/logistics so much. I find myself having better experiences and a more interesting life.
I would have had only one child - I hope we get to pick which one! I also wouldn’t have moved to my husband’s hometown - a brief period that scarred our marriage in so many ways. Like many others, I wish I hadn’t been a SAHM for so long - that really wasn’t me at all. I let my husband’s career take precedence over mine and that was really stupid.
How timely.
I would have gotten my masters instead of buying a house so soon.
I would have stayed in our small townhouse. It would have been paid off by now.
I would have taken more chances in my career.
I would have listened to the kids more.
I would have taught them Spanish,even though it was difficult to follow through.
I would have made D think more about getting into graduate school debt.
OTOH
Things I don’t regret
Buying a house that can be managed on one income.
Taking the package from my job when my kids were small, which allowed me to stay home with them for a year while continuing to get paid. This led to a better job.
Making travel a priority, which made me learn how to use miles for free trips ; )
Pets
An aside–sounds like many of you would enjoy “The Family Man” with Nicholas Cage and Tea Leoni. It’s a fun film which explores “the path not taken”.
I wouldn’t change much (Hey, I’m great!) but since we’re doing 20/20 hindsight stuff -I would have been more vocal with my parents about my own interests rather than what they wanted me to do even in middle school. Everything has its pros and cons but I should have stood my ground (but ever met my parents?) They probably would have come around (in fact I know they would have) if I’d been born with a backbone instead of having to spend years growing one.
But of course on the plus side my kids have benefited. Probably a “generation skipping” thing.
I’m sorry I was so judgmental of kids in HS especially. I was the “goody two shoes”. I had some great friends. But If I’d relaxed my uptight standards (and gotten around the 'rents) I would have made more friends and learned about some really good people and shared some experiences which are forever past. Yeah, I avoided all sorts of pitfalls of youth (Yea!) but part of me regrets not letting people in and just experiencing some life unique to our community.
I would have been happier perhaps in a different profession (although I like the one I’m in) but I was afraid of not finding a job and the market was really unexplored. Everything was new. Who knew I would have been on the cusp of a new industry? Missed that arc. But I would have had to predict the future rather than rely on history.
Bottom line-- I perhaps should’ve followed my gut instinct more and listened to my parents less.
An aside–sounds like many of you would enjoy “The Family Man” with Nicholas Cage and Tea Leoni. It’s a fun film which explores “the path not taken”.
I wouldn’t change much (Hey, I’m great!) but since we’re doing 20/20 hindsight stuff -I would have been more vocal with my parents about my own interests rather than what they wanted me to do even in middle school. Everything has its pros and cons but I should have stood my ground (but ever met my parents?) They probably would have come around (in fact I know they would have) if I’d been born with a backbone instead of having to spend years growing one.
But of course on the plus side my kids have benefited. Probably a “generation skipping” thing.
I’m sorry I was so judgmental of kids in HS especially. I was the “goody two shoes”. I had some great friends. But If I’d relaxed my uptight standards (and gotten around the 'rents) I would have made more friends and learned about some really good people and shared some experiences which are forever past. Yeah, I avoided all sorts of pitfalls of youth (Yea!) but part of me regrets not letting people in and just experiencing some life unique to our community.
I would have been happier perhaps in a different profession (although I like the one I’m in) but I was afraid of not finding a job and the market was really unexplored. Everything was new. Who knew I would have been on the cusp of a new industry? Missed that arc. But I would have had to predict the future rather than rely on history.
Bottom line-- I perhaps should’ve followed my gut instinct more and listened to my parents less.
An aside–sounds like many of you would enjoy “The Family Man” with Nicholas Cage and Tea Leoni. It’s a fun film which explores “the path not taken”.
I wouldn’t change much (Hey, I’m great!) but since we’re doing 20/20 hindsight stuff -I would have been more vocal with my parents about my own interests rather than what they wanted me to do even in middle school. Everything has its pros and cons but I should have stood my ground (but ever met my parents?) They probably would have come around (in fact I know they would have) if I’d been born with a backbone instead of having to spend years growing one.
But of course on the plus side my kids have benefited. Probably a “generation skipping” thing.
I’m sorry I was so judgmental of kids in HS especially. I was the “goody two shoes”. I had some great friends. But If I’d relaxed my uptight standards (and gotten around the 'rents) I would have made more friends and learned about some really good people and shared some experiences which are forever past. Yeah, I avoided all sorts of pitfalls of youth (Yea!) but part of me regrets not letting people in and just experiencing some life unique to our community.
I would have been happier perhaps in a different profession (although I like the one I’m in) but I was afraid of not finding a job and the market was really unexplored. Everything was new. Who knew I would have been on the cusp of a new industry? Missed that arc. But I would have had to predict the future rather than rely on history.
Bottom line-- I perhaps should’ve followed my gut instinct more and listened to my parents less.
I would have eaten better when I was younger and I would have fed my kids healthier foods. I would have cut the sugar out of our diets. We used to drink kool-aid every day. I also would have taken my college years more seriously and studied harder.
I wish I had started having fun in my teens rather than waiting till my 20’s. On October 3rd 1979, I wish I had said yes to a certain very attractive, fascinating person, even if it was just for that day. He died recently and I missed my shot.
David Bowie? 
Amen to the healthier diet, for us and for our kids.
My main regrets revolve around letting myself be caught up in a very “Trad Cath” environment for a few years and adopting some negative views that were at odds with my real self. I hope that anyone I may have hurt in that period has truly accepted my apologies and contrition.
There are experiences in my life that I would prefer to have done without, yet I don’t know what the wide ranging repercussions might be if I waved a magic wand to eliminate them from my past. Even looking back at some things I did that I’m not proud of, I can’t say that I’m really sorry because I wouldn’t want to miss knowing some of those people or living through some of those times. However, I sure wouldn’t want to try to explain them all to my kids.
I grew up in a small town and lived in the same house until I got married, then we moved into the house next door (great house, cheap rent!). A couple of years later, we moved to the neighboring town. I’ve never liver anywhere outside of my 5 mile or so radius (in 48 years!).
I have a question: do any of you share your regrets with your kids?
I come from a family of relative risk-takers and people that prefer to ask for forgiveness rather than permission. We all have very few regrets but they’ve always been very open with me about what they do regret. My dad regrets having a kid so young and my mom not going to college. I know my mom used to regret not having another child but with all the challenges we’ve been handed, she’s grateful to just have one kid to worry about.
I’m just curious 
@romanigypsyeyes, I’ve told my kids that I regret being too frugal at times and I regret not taking advantage of certain experiences because of either fear or work demands. I don’t know that I’ll ever tell them about some other regrets.
I haven’t really shared my regret about not breaking up with my troubled HS boyfriend earlier and not being able to get him the resources he needed because it never seemed appropriate. Neither of my kids have been in a serious long-term relationship and especially not from age 16, like I was.
What I’ve mostly shared with my kids was the good decisions that played out well, over time, despite being risky. There is a substantial part of what I did, though, that I saved until they were old enough to process. And some things I’ve still only alluded to.
I don’t really regret my choices. My brother was into oriental philosophy at one point and said, you should never regret because you don’t know what worse the alternatives might have been.
I’ve encouraged my children to be less fearful and more adventurous than I have been. Sometimes, I think I overshot as some of their adventures and extreme hobbies have given me gray hair. 
They also have much better health habits than I do, something I tried to foster as well.