<p>Never let them become retentive. Keep them moving all the time.</p>
<p>This is such a ridiculous thread. T10 is not even defined.</p>
<p>Are you using USNews rankings? Because those rankings have been chewed up and spit out on CC. </p>
<p>(There is a subtle reference to HYP, but that is only 3 schools…)</p>
<p>What I also find interesting that it really isn’t T10, it is which T10 you got in to. Some T10’s don’t really count as T10 on CC. :eek:</p>
<p>I think that finding a core of peers with similar passions, attitude towards exploration and learning, and adults who nurture that enthusiasm goes a long, long way. My kids felt more confident knowing they weren’t the only one who cared so intensely about X or Y, and when these kids get together, whether it’s in a classroom, EC or at someone’s house, they spurred each other to higher achievement than any one of them could accomplish alone.</p>
<p>We did not pile on sports, music lessons, drama, and schedule the kids’ every waking hour. My kids learned to spend time in their own thoughts without needing constant stimulation. They’ve both put this to good use, each in his own way.</p>
<p>I have always been a research maven. Learning about a topic gives me a sense of control and understanding. This has been of considerable use over the course of my life (infertility, raising unusual kids, cancer) and these skills have served me well so far in the college process, too.</p>
<p>A school’s ranking does not matter to me. Whether my kids grownup to be thoughtful, caring spouses and parents who contribute to their communities does matter.</p>
<p>I’m reading this thread as what 3 things did we do to help our kids be all they can be. I’d say these things were:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Empower our kids to find the solutions that work best for them. We provide the tools (yes, that includes financial support), but they figure out what they want and pursue it with our support.</p></li>
<li><p>Be flexible and help your child research and come up with alternatives when it doesn’t appear that the original plan will work out as expected. This is especially important when your kid has serious chronic health issues that have no “cure.”</p></li>
<li><p>Love the kid on the couch and help teach that kid to love others as they are (while rooting for everyone to be all s/he can be as well).</p></li>
</ol>
<p>These things have served our family very well and allowed us to weather some pretty rough times, emerging stronger and closer from the adversity. More than anything else, we’re happy we’ve raised resiliant problem-solvers that will be able to analyze and move forward through the challenges they encounter in life rather than whether they met any particular standard or what happened in any particular assignment, application or anything else.</p>
<p>I’m not sure I really get or fit how this question was framed and so if my answer doesn’t fit it, I just go about it differently, I guess. </p>
<p>For starters, in terms of success in getting into college, we, nor our kids, defined it in terms of rankings as they never saw the US News rankings and neither had we at the time. Just don’t think in those terms. They did want to go to “good” colleges that fit their level. </p>
<p>Also, another thing we really don’t fit in with this question is that we, nor the kids, ever did things, “to get into a good college”…with the exception of that they always did well academically knowing that in order to achieve one’s goals, you need to do well in school (plus they LIKE doing well…set high standards for themselves). But whatever they did overall both in and out of the classroom, I feel quite certain they would have chosen to do even if they never applied to college. They wanted to do these things for their own sake and never talked about needing to do this or that to look good for college. </p>
<p>I’m not even sure what we did in order to accomplish their “success” (defined as getting into favorite colleges that were highly selective). I think of it mostly was all THEM, not us. What they did…(again not with an aim to get into a top school)…took most challenging curriculum and then some…acceleration, independent studies, long distance courses…as they craved challenge. They got high grades. They did some prep for standardized tests but not overkill and didn’t seek stratospheric scores but simply scores that would be good enough to get into any college that they were interested in. They had lifelong extracurricular activities that they loved with a passion. They achieved in these endeavors and contributed significantly to them and were dedicated in heavy time commitments to them. They also initiated several activities out of sheer desire to do so. Most of all, they are very driven and highly motivated. Even out of college now, they are still this way as they forge their careers. </p>
<p>What did we do…I gotta think…well, we have always valued education. It is part of our culture for starters. My husband and I are well educated too. We have supported our kids from day one in whatever they wanted to do. They push us, rather than we pushing them. When they were very little, they were exposed to many activities and many of these turned into lifelong activities, or at least into college. Whatever they wanted to do, we ran around getting them to everything (which is a lot in a rural area in terms of time and driving) and made it a priority to pay for their activities, including summer interests. They went to what many of you would consider a mediocre (or less) public rural high school. We were involved parents who volunteered at school too, particularly K-6 years. </p>
<p>When it came to college selection and admissions, our kids were given no limits of where they could apply and also no decisions on our end of it as to where to apply (all up to them…fully supported their decisions…did not say yay or no to any or give opinions of where to apply…their choice). We helped support the application process, the college visits, and so on. When it came time to decide which school to attend, it was entirely up to them and we gave no opinion. Same with choice of major. Fully support ANY choice (and this is saying a lot as one of our kids is in performing arts that some parents do not support). Our kids know we are behind them 100%. I can’t think of anything else. </p>
<p>It has been easy on our end as our kids are simply very motivated and have set their own goals (which is not defined by rankings). Their goals are high and they are high achievers. It just is part of their being. I’d love them just the same if they were not so self-driven but just sayin’ that is the cards we were dealt. We support them and are along for the ride. </p>
<p>Kinda doubt this helps anyone! :D</p>
<p>PS…I guess I should mention we have gone into debt to support them in college and grad school. Worth it to us as they earned it and we have no complaints and this is what we want to do for our kids above all else.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Humm, why was expecting the answer to be … “The horror! The horror!” which incidentally will be where this thread will end up. </p>
<p>DadII, fwiw, we all know that you really mean well, and do not hesitate to share your personal viewpoints and family details … often leading to a lot of consternation around this forum. Years ago, in the middle of the tsunami of emotions that your first child application process generated, I encouraged you to relax, trust the system, and more importantly ABANDON the enormous amount of preconceived notions of what would lead to success. In particular, to maintain your sanity (and the one of your daughter) it was important to let go of all the NEGATIVE influences that come with the great expectations of success and upward mobility; and much of of this can be tracked directly to the culture you are now trying to recognize as the origin of your children success. </p>
<p>Please take a look back as what you THOUGHT was incredibly important … saving face in the community, importance of test scores and impeccable academic success, and similar elements. Then try to compare that to what you daughter considered important, namely participating in ECs that uncovered a different facet of her personality. And, when that is done, place everything in perspective and try to see what part of her application convinced the top school she now attends to accept her! </p>
<p>Perhaps you will end up with the conclusion that success is an INDIVIDUAL matter, and not the result of the attempts to produce the many “paint-by-the-numbers” candidates. In reality, while it is easier to recognize many of the factors that handicap so many students in our country, it is almost impossible to pinpoint what create success (if success is defined as a T10 admission.) </p>
<p>Be happy for your good fortune, and please continue to help others by sharing your stories, but please do not try so hard to rationalize success versus … failure.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Most of us are not qualified to reply because most of our kids are not in a T10. My kid barely squeezed into a T20.</p>
<p>Serious Question: What is a T10?</p>
<p>USNews…</p>
<p>I forgot to mention the one thing I thought of from the start of reading this thread…</p>
<p>Namely…how in the world can I even know what we or they did “right” to get into college? Only the college knows why they accepted my kids.</p>
<p>^ Does it count if it is a T10 not in the National University category?</p>
<p>What if the school is a T5 in a Masters Category? Does that count?</p>
<p>See how silly this gets…;)</p>
<p>T10 & T20 depends on whose rankng you’re looking at – the school both our kids are attending is named one of the ten “hottest” schools by some publication or another and an up & rising school by USNWR. </p>
<p>If you only want posts of parents of T10s, this will be a much shorter thread. :)</p>
<p>
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<p>This could have been written by the Thumper family also.</p>
<p>Only on CC do people talk about top 10 (even with acronyms no less)…I never heard about anything like this before I came to CC…nor ever read college rankings. I am not sure the ranking of my kids’ colleges. </p>
<p>But rankings (which I hate) don’t even tell the whole picture anyway. For example, for my D2, she got a BFA in Musical Theater at NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts. While NYU is not in the top 10 on USNews (though is a very selective university), the program she got admitted to takes about 6% of those who audition (worse odds than the Ivy League). So, college rankings is not the whole story anyway. </p>
<p>To me…success (in terms of college admissions) is reaching your goal to get into the college you are seeking that fits what you want in a college. I’m happy my kids got into colleges they really wanted to attend. Their success in life is not really defined by these very well regarded colleges. I think it is the person who succeeds, not the college from where she went. The colleges have opened doors, but ultimately it takes a certain drive to succeed and one can do so from any college.</p>
<p>Counting down , I find I have a very similar philosophy.
I observe those who always find themselves in competition with others or even just with themselves with pity, because there will always be someone with more beautiful and talented children, a nicer office and shinier windows( and fuller, bouncier hair!) ;)</p>
<p>we really don’t need much. Shelter, food and water. A place where we can contribute and people to love.</p>
<p>Is it really that hard to be happy?
I read these posts by those who have happy healthy children, who have been able to attend " good enough" schools, in " nice enough" neighborhoods, but I get the sense that they are walking a fine line- on the one hand they are pleased with how accomplished their children are, (and they are perhaps interested in getting a pat on the back for their part in that), but on the other hand they worry that they are not accomplished"enough". That someone less deserving will take “their” place, at the school, on the team or on the job. It is never their fault that this happens, but the result of nepotism, prejudice or just bad luck.</p>
<p>Perhaps one day they will sit down and reflect about their core values and if what they spend their time doing ( and thinking about) reflects how they want to be known in the world.</p>
<p>Perhaps responding to the title of the thread- without using a random measure like "top ten " school, would get responses that would be helpful to others.</p>
<p>( xiggi, I love Joseph Conrad)</p>
<p>Just the subject heading: “What did you do right?” is something I just don’t think in terms of. </p>
<p>I don’t think I did anything right or wrong in this endeavor (college admissions) with my kids. I give myself no pat on the back. I reserve the entire credit and pats on the back for my kids who made it happen. Yes, they do have supportive parents and that has to help. But really we get the kids we get. I don’t take credit for their success. I think I could have had troubled kids who did poorly and it wouldn’t be my fault. I feel lucky when it comes to my kids’ successes but don’t take any credit for them!!</p>
<p>Soozievt just wanted to clarify, I wasn’t meaning to limit my comments to this particular thread, but to cc on general over my many years of reading. I also don’t think that the parents I described are anywhere near the majority, but a good portion do seem to find their way here.</p>
<p>And what about the concept of “It takes a village”? Do I take credit for the other kids on the sports teams, his co-workers at the part-time job, the teachers who were patient with him, his peers who motivated him, his friends who laughed at his jokes, his aunts and uncles and grandparents who supported him, etc?</p>
<p>emeraldkity, I hadn’t even read your posts when I posted mine. No worries. We were posting in a similar time frame. My posts were solely in reaction to the OP’s query.</p>