In my DH’s case because his parents were Bible thumping pillars of their Baptist church community it was important for him to hold onto his own reality that what they did was wrong. Maybe it’s different if your parents are very public raging alcoholics or something where everyone can see it. DH’s 2 best friends growing up came to the memorials for both his parents to support him and bear silent witness to DH’s personal story. It was an amazing comfort to have them there. He also needed to hold onto a part of the truth and really face up to the wrongness so as not to repeat it. He was VERY conscious of that, particularly raising a spirited son.