<ol>
<li><p>As babies, they go to bed at 7 p.m. but wake up at 3 a.m. As teens, they go to bed at 3 and wake up at 7.</p></li>
<li><p>They always tell the truth … when you don’t want them to at a family gathering and they are repeating something you said about a relative.</p></li>
<li><p>When you finally figure out you can’t control them but can only contain them, they figure out how to break through the containment.</p></li>
<li><p>It is untrue that they think money grows on trees. There are too few trees in the world for them to have such a limiting thought.</p></li>
<li><p>During their teen years, their lives are controlled by their gonads.</p></li>
<li><p>When they are 9, you are still a fairly intelligent person as an adult. By the time they are 14, you become the dumbest person in the world.</p></li>
<li><p>Your girls believe their waist is about four inches below anything you ever thought was the lowest possible point of decency.</p></li>
<li><p>They really believe you don’t know what it is like to be them as a teen, and you have to pretend you don’t know because otherwise they may discover what you were really like at that age.</p></li>
<li><p>They perceive in one month far more events that are the end of the world than you have perceived in the last decade.</p></li>
<li><p>They will sometimes divert to walking way ahead or way behind you when you approach an area where there are other teens who might see you together.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>They have absolutely no interest in the (choose one: book, movie, CD) you suggest then (choose one: days, weeks, months later) they tell you about some book, movie or CD their friend recommended and how great it is. Darned if it isn’t the very same one. Argh!</p>
<p>They invite you to the Graduation dance and ask you to please remain seated at your table. Under no circumstances should you get up to do the Beyonce Bounce or a little Crumping. Ideally, you should leave as soon as you finish your rubbery $100 meal.</p>
<p>When you talk about how much we procrastinate, you have to keep in mind the number of other assignments we do on our own, on time. Really the only things that my friends and I procrastinate on are spontaneous projects/essays and college applications. </p>
<p>Projects and papers don’t fit into our normal schedule of homework, because we like to do things in one sitting – none of this “a little bit at a time” talk. That worked for the Little Engine that Could, but that was only applicable 12 years ago, right? (sarcasm) College applications also can’t be done all at once, but they’re also incredibly important, so the task seems too daunting. If the full importance of what we’re doing sinks in, we’ll freeze and go back to watching TV. Filling out college applications requires a looming deadline so that we can be motivated enough to actually do some work. </p>
<p>Also, the college essays are scary – they require honesty and vulnerability, and as a teenager today, those are the two things we are most trained to avoid. You might think your kids are wonderfully well-adjusted, outgoing, and confident people, but everyone (ok, 98.79%), is haunted by the question “what if they don’t like the real me?”</p>
<p>Having been a Scout leader for seven years and a FIRST Robotics mentor for nearly three, I would say that the average teenage boy has far more self-confidence than he ought to. I would suggest some nagging self-doubts and creeping fears for most of them.</p>
<p>To those wondering about the t-shirt…my Senior Class made them. I’m sure any locally owned t-shirt place where you live would be glad to make them. Heck, we made our individually–you know, the iron on letters available at Target? so everyone has a slightly different shirt because they were all home made.</p>
<p>The number one thing my kids do that annoys me - after all I’ve done for them, all the money, all the time, all the stress and agitation - they grow up and leave me. Two gone, last one is testing the waters…</p>
<p>While I have no children (not counting friends I’ve “adopted”), I have this list of annoyances:</p>
<p>-Cell phones for things other than talking. It’s a PHONE, not an AIM client! If you’re going to send messages made of text, use your computer for crying out loud! Besides, nothing beats a good conversation! (Although I greatly prefer face to face)</p>
<p>-Loud rock/rap/hip hop music. I’m referring more to the heavy metal/punk stuff with rock. Personally I’m a big fan of electronic/Eurotrance/dance and mainstream American music makes me ill. Too much vulgar talk in that music, too little sophistication when it comes to the music.</p>
<p>-Romantic relationships for under 21’s. Forget about it, folks–nine out of ten times it never works out. And then parents have to listen to all the sob stories about some guy or girl who cheated, had an argument about something stupid, etc.</p>
<p>Just a short list so far…I have more thoughts but I’m not writing them right now…</p>