<p>
</p>
<p>That we don’t have a maid and the house doesn’t clean itself.</p>
<p>That the Y chromosome does NOT make it impossible to see dirt or remember details (other than the configuration of every car grill ever manufactured).</p>
<p>Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. You can handle it. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.</p>
<p>Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon. Let it be.</p>
<p>Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!</p>
<p>Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.</p>
<p>Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.</p>
<p>If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.</p>
<p>If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.</p>
<p>You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want
it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do
it yourself.</p>
<p>Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.</p>
<p>Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.</p>
<p>ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.</p>
<p>If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.</p>
<p>If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like
nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth
the hassle.</p>
<p>If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an
answer you don’t want to hear.</p>
<p>Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, other women or beer.</p>
<p>You have enough clothes.</p>
<p>You have too many shoes.</p>
<p>I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.</p>
<p>(Not wholly original, but there it is anyway.)</p>
<p>Dear Mr. ManBadWomanPretty,</p>
<p>You have just explained a whole lot. And thanks, you’ve helped me realize how lucky I am to have snagged the guy I got! :)</p>
<p>Ditto, binx!</p>
<p>I stole that list from a friend who wrote it. I hereby disavow about half of it. I’ll never tell which half. But round is, in fact, a shape. My wife of 32 years loves me anyway. I think.</p>
<p>guys (my H and S’s specifcally)</p>
<p>Body “sounds” are NOT funny. So please hold the hysterical laughter (and anything else you can manage to hold in) and stop looking in wonderment at me when I am NOT laughing at such an obviously humorous eruption event.</p>
<p>“A uterus is not a tracking device.” Please look for your appointment book and don’t ask me where it is 3x per day. Plus, I get so MAD when I know where your stuff is. </p>
<p>On the other hand, I put my purse all over the house. Each room has l5 corners and I use them all. Thank you, I love you for not making fun of me when I ask you “where is my purse; have you seen it?” 6x per day. </p>
<p>But don’t compare these two things. My purses are huge and your appontment book is small. No fair.</p>