We are not in-laws yet, but I will invite them to call us “mom and dad” or by first names. Whatever they feel comfortable with. Mr/Mrs just seems to formal for family.
@intparent - I think you misunderstood the OP. OP stated that someone else was uncomfortable with a first name, and that OP was shocked to hear that.
Oh – right! Sorry, OP!
My son in law calls us by our first name and so does my other dd’s fiancé. Both my dh and I have called our respective in-laws by their first names.
My son-in-law calls me by my first name–same with H. My younger D’s significant others does the same. I called my inlays by their first names. H called my parents by nicknames that my brother and I called them when we were adults. (They like it.)
My mil is still Mrs. Last name for me. After we were twenty five years into our marriage, she said I could call her by her first name now. Um after all these years, I don’t think so. My kids’ SOs call us first names. Spouse calls my mom her first name.
I don’t remember what my siblings’ spouses called my parents before there were grandchildren (probably nothing) but since then, and it’s been over 30 years, everyone calls them Nana and Big D. Everyone. Grandkids, friends of grandkids, step children, SIL, DIL, neighbors. Everyone, including me. I haven’t called them mom and dad for over 30 years, and my oldest child is 20.
SIL calls us by our first names. When we met, he called us Mr. and Mrs. H., but we quickly told him to call us by our first names. H calls my mom Nana or by her first name. I call H’s parents by their first names.
Our kid has. so? He calls us by our first names now. Can’t imagine that will change when they marry.
It just dawned on me that my DIL calls my parents the grandparent names my kids call them. She is very comfortable with those names, as she doesn’t have any living grandparents; I believe it is a term of endearment for her. Or course, it makes my parents ecstatic to have her call them by their grandparent names and not Mr. & Mrs., although they would also have been ok with her calling them by their first names; we are a fairly casual family.
Might-as-well-be-DIL calls us by our first names and I’m fine with that. I had eldest S when I was very young and she is a little older than he is so there’s not a huge age gap. Now, the younger two were born later in life so I’m not sure how I’m going to feel about that when it occurs!
H and I called our in-laws “mom” and “dad”. I called H’s grandmas, “grandma.” All my siblings’ spouses called my parents, “mom” and “dad”. I think my parents would have been hurt if they hadn’t…but for my siblings’ spouses, it didn’t bother them to call them “mom” and “dad”…maybe because my parents were so…parental… My parents called their in-laws “mom/ma” and “pa”.
I would prefer that a future DIL call us “mom” and “dad,” but if they don’t want to, that’s ok. My younger son’s last GF (long-term) felt funny calling me by my first name, so she called me, “mom”…I don’t think she called H anything.
When D1’s SO called me by my first name at my extended family’s dinner, there was a notable few seconds of silence. I am sure everyone thought, “Oh, no.” I didn’t say anything, then he called my sister by her first name. My sister said to him, “As you are going to be part of the family soon, why don’t you start calling me Aunt First Name.” He caught on, so he started calling me Momma Oldfort.
In my culture, we never call anyone older by their first name. I call all of my parents close friends aunt or uncle first name, and not so close friends Mr. & Mrs.
My kids growing up in this country always called their friends’ parents Mr & Mrs. Their friends also call me Mrs last name.
I’m really trying to remember… I don’t think I grew up calling people Mr/Ms/Mrs anything. Close family friends were Aunt/Uncle first name but parents of friends were often X’s mom/dad. I think it’s because so many of my friends came from intermarried families so you never quite knew what someone’s last name was.
By high school, I started calling people’s parents Momma (Last name) and dads by their first names or dad depending on how close we were.
I could never call Mr R’s parents mom and dad. Not because I think those are sacred or anything (I call lots of people mom/momma and dad), but because we are not particularly close and we don’t have a warm relationship that I associate with those terms. It’ll be a relief when I can call them grandma/grandpa or whatever terms we come up with.
My SIL calls me mom and I refer to him as a son (maybe a tad incestous sounding but oh well). His parents disowned him when he married our daughter so we adopted him. My other daughter calls him her brother.
We call both sets of parents Mom & Dad and I called H’s grandmother the name (Grandma Mary) all her grandchildren did. I hope any future DIL I have will feel comfortable enough to call us mom and dad and the grandparents the names the grandkids call them. Most of my son’s friends already call my mom Grammy so I’m sure future DIL will too.
My MIL was ranting early in my marriage and said how she called her own MIL “mom”, even though it “stuck in her throat.” I knew that was her not so subtle way of saying she expected to be called mom, but she never came out and said it, and I never felt comfortable calling her that. Like a previous poster, I don’t really call her anything.
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His parents disowned him when he married our daughter so we adopted him
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@KKmama oh my! Unbelievable that this sort of thing still happens. Well, their loss.
I can’t imagine calling anyone other than my own parents “mom” and dad". I don’t/would not expect that of my child’s spouse.
I think if the parents in law expected Mr. or Mrs., I would demand reciprocity and be Mr. Sorghum. Or Dr. if they prefer.