first name (to my face anyway)
So far, we’ve only met her once so she hasn’t yet called us anything I can remember. We all had a nice meal together over a year ago. They sent us a joint Christmas card and didn’t call us anything either.
Hawaii style they’d call us Auntie HImom and Uncle HIdad (our first names). If they get married, we will see how things evolve.
She doesn’t call me anything. She’s not much of a talker anyway, so I’ve just not put much thought to it yet, to be honest. However, I’m one of those people who cringes when I’m called “Conmama” by a young person who hasn’t been invited to call me that. It annoys me.
I was brought up with Mr./Mrs. as respect. I’ve instilled that in my children. They continue to call older adults that. I told them wait until they are invited to use first names.
No first name here. My SIL calls me Momma Oldfort (first name). Their friends call me Mrs Last name. Their SO call my relatives by what my kids call them.
To me it is weird for them to call me by my first name because I am not their friend. I call my parents friends as Mr & Mrs or Aunt & Uncle (very Asian).
Oh…what do my kid’s friends call me? Most of them grew up calling me Mrs. Thumper…and continue to do so. These are 30 somethings, and I’ve mentioned they can call me First Name. But they have said they just can’t do that.
Neighbor kids call me Mrs. Thumper.
I guess I wouldn’t object to first names. Might take some getting used to, although D has done it for years. (Some extended family have been surprised that we permitted it.) I could adjust to Mom and Dad, even for the unmarried ones. If they feel close enough to call me that, so much the better.
It seems like pretty much all the grandchildren and their SO’s call MIL “grandma” or “g-ma”. All of us call her Mom except her youngest son who uses her first name.
My kids call me Mom or D sometimes Madre just because she thinks she’s cute lol. Son’s fiance has called me “first name” since we met but I’ve been jokingly signing my cards and texts to her as “MOM #2” since they got engaged. I think it makes her feel more welcome to the family.
Our kids call us Mom and Dad. When oldest son was born, H said, oh, he can call me by my first name. I said, NO WAY. I worked too hard to get this kid and nobody else in the entire world (at that time) can call me Mommy and that’s what he’s going to call me. H’s resolve lasted until the very first “Dada,” at which point he said, you know, anyone can call me X, but only he can call me Daddy! This son had a friend who called his own parents by their first names, but to this day (and the kid is now an attorney) calls me Mrs. TM.
D’s bf calls us by our first names and she calls his parents by their first names.
Oldest son’s gf of 10 years doesn’t really call us anything. I get that. I have known my MIL for almost 40 years. When I first met her, I called her Mrs. X. Once we got serious, I didn’t feel comfortable calling her by her first name. She asked me to call her Mom, but that made me even more uncomfortable. I now refer to her as Grandma.
@thumper1 , my DS also mentioned he was invited once to call a friends Mom by her first name. He told her he couldn’t. (Meaning it would be too weird for him).
When the time comes, when or if he becomes engaged to this young lady, then I will speak up and tell her to call me by my first name. His old GF used to call me “Momma Last name”. I thought that was endearing.
@oldfort, I never call my parents friends by their first names either. Mr./Mrs. or Aunt/Uncle if they were close. My Dad was foreign, also.
@sylvan8798 , I have a question out of true curiosity. When did your D start calling you by your first name and why did you let her? Is this something that truly didn’t bother you, were you trying to help her establish freedom from constraints. I’m really trying to understand, as I’ve only met one other person that their kids called them by their first names. I didn’t ask her as I didn’t know her well, and since we are on an anonymous board I feel more comfortable asking you.
It’s a function of when we met for us. I’m Mrs. to all the HS and earlier friends. First name to the college friends. I hope to someday be “mom” to a sil but we’ll see. That’s such a personal choice and I think should be made by the young person joining the family, not the parents.
I’m FirstName to my SIL and DIL; like @momofsenior1 it is a function of when we met. My kids met their spouses after college, so upon meeting I introduced myself as FirstName. I don’t presume they ever call me Mom - but if I send a card or email to both, I sign Mom. If sending to the SIL/DIL individually, I sign FirstName
First names by all. I made sure of this early on because my in-laws wanted me to call them mom and dad and I wasn’t comfortable doing that. They weren’t my mom and dad, and as a result, I never really called them anything directly. When I referred to them to my children years later, it was by the grandparent names my children called them.
For those of you who don’t want your kids SO’s calling you by your first name…what do you call other adults you meet - at a party, at a work function, at church, in the neighborhood - do you always call them Mr. or Mrs. Person - or do you call them by their first name???
I’m thinking you call most adults you know by their first name…unless they have REALLY stressed that they are Mr. or Mrs. So…you’re kids are likely now adults if they have a S.O. - so why can’t they address you by your first name - adult to adult.
Or since you’re both adults but you prefer them to call you Mr or Mrs…then you should call them that back, right? As a sign of respect or whatever your reasoning?? You should be calling S.O. Mr or Ms S.O.???
I agree with momofsenior1 that it’s a personal choice best made by the SO, and with alwaysamom that they be comfortable with the name. DIL asked what to call me, and I answered “whatever you’re comfortable with” Mom was her choice. She gave me my grandmother name, too. I want the SOs happy in my home and will never debate names with them.
I do enough nagging without adding worrying about what they call me.
It shocked me anyone but my own kids wanted to call me mom, but it made me feel pretty special.
Most kids around here are raised to use Mr. and Mrs. That is what ds’s gf does. I wouldn’t mind first name but it would seem odd. H would go ballistic, til they get engaged. We have had some friends call us Mom and Dad (not gf or bf). That seemed a bit odd too. When (and if) they get engaged we will find something more personal for them to call us. My bil always called my mom and dad Mr. C and Mrs. C. It was cute and they liked it. My other bil called them by their first names. I don’t think they liked that as well.
First names, which is what we wanted. It was a little bit of a struggle with our daughter-in-law, who grew up in an immigrant family with a more formal culture. She tried calling us Mr. [Last Name] and Mrs. [same Last Name], but that didn’t work so well because my wife doesn’t use the same last name as our son and I. Luckily, we didn’t see her that often, and over time she got more comfortable with our first names. Our children call us Mom and Dad.
I know our daughter calls her in-laws by their first names. I realize I don’t know what my son calls his in-laws. His courtship of them was longer and perhaps more deliberate than his courtship of their daughter – definitely less certain in outcome – and I’m sure he addressed them formally as “Dr. and Mrs. [Last Name]” for a long, long time. He may still.
My daughter and I had a funny misunderstanding recently. She was talking about “Nana,” and I thought she meant the real Nana, i.e., my grandmother, but of course she meant her Nana, my mother.
@twoinanddone “I really don’t want kids who aren’t my kids to call me Mom. Ever. i absolutely hate it when other people (usually medical people but teachers or coaches too) ask “Are you MOM?” Well, I’m her mother but not yours”
Funny story - a few months back I took D to dr.; throughout the entire appt, the dr. insisted on referring to me as ‘mom’ With Hurculean strength I resisted berating him, however, once inside the elevator, I let rip (in quiet tones) to D… only when I was done, did the woman at the back of the elevator, identify herself as his wife! Hahaha!.
I think she was about 15. Looking back, I can think of two reasons why we allowed it. First, H’s youngest brother (late-in-life baby) called his parents by their first names from around that age. H and I go back far enough for me to have witnessed that firsthand, egads. They didn’t seem to object. Second, both S and D were very good kids. They had good friends and avoided the trouble kids. They didn’t smoke do drugs or drink. They got good grades and did their chores with a minimum of griping. D and I had some of the typical teen-vs-mom trauma/drama, but not a lot. They were both involved with their families and church. They didn’t swear (although they do now).
Both H and I had far more troubled upbringings, and of course we were well aware of the issues other families have (D’s high school was rife with heroin issues even then). So I guess we felt that if the worst rebellion she came up with was calling us by our first names we had it pretty darn good.
@momo2x2018 , I bet he never made that mistake again with anyone.
When we were dating, same as now, we called each others parents by their first names unless we were giving them something from both of us, in which case we used mom and dad. Mr R has always been much more comfortable calling my parents mom and dad. I’ve never called his parents mom and dad because they’re not.
My sister’s now husband called my parents by their first names. He’s closer in age to my parents than my sister so mom and dad would be really weird.
Absolutely no one calls my parents Mr & Mrs Romani. Never have, not even when I was young. I’m not sure what they would do if someone insisted. Let them, but it would be awkward.