What DON'T you do for the holidays?

Parent Cafe
41

Abasket, I’m happy that there is no snow and hope for good weather until January. Everyone is coming here from a long way and good weather is certainly better than worrying about my loved ones driving in bad weather.

I’m going to be very honest. This year I am more relaxed than I’ve been in many years. I’ve decided that there isn’t room in my holiday for my toxic sibling. Every year my mom would insist that everyone get together because she wanted “her” family together. And my family would have to travel all over to visit my sibling who would make everything tense and stressful. We would fight. Last year was the worst. I don’t have room for that. My mom made me feel guilty that I wasn’t trying hard enough to get along with them.

I finally pointed out that I do not fight with anyone else in my life and that I am a people pleaser who tries to make everyone happy. Sometimes no matter what you do, you can’t make some people happy. It’s been a painful process but I just don’t have room for things (people) who are not happy and do everything they can to make everyone around them miserable.

This year my kids and their so are coming. My mom and my il’s are invited. Everyone gets along and no one fights and life is good.

42

We don’t cook anything on Christmas Day. On the eve we fix a big meal ( think thanksgiving and brunch all in one) and just eat leftovers as folks get hungry on Christmas Day. Started this years ago when the kids were small - after all who wants to stop playing with the new loot just to cook a meal? Now the kids are big, and it’s just how we do it.

43

@abasket I agree that I dislike the holiday lasting an entire month. It has really gotten out of hand, and no wonder many of us stress out. I love the scaling back and this thread…it truly makes me feel less guilty about it and that is ridiculous as I still have nicley decorated rooms and enjoy doing things. @deb922 …I have a toxic sibling that I cut out 3 years ago. Long story like everyone else’s, but I just hated getting together with her and being the brundt of her meanness. I don’t miss her at all, but I do miss the holidays of past with my my kids and her kids, as the estrangement includes them as well unfortunately. That’s one of the reasons I held out for so long, her boys.

44

I really hate the wrapping of all of the gifts. I " hide " everything in my sauna and have yet to dig into it. Stockings are a big thing in our family , but is a lot of work for me. Other than my own , I have 6 to fill . My daughter helps with her fiancés . No one is around to help with any of the wrapping …my husband works too much , even more during the holidays.

45

I have to say that I have never understood the stress that people say they feel around Christmas. I love all that stuff.

For several years, I gave the holiday party for the investment group of H’s company, which typically had about 50 attendees, including SOs. (After the first year, I learned the absolute necessity of hiring a couple of helpers!) That was a lot of fun, because I enjoy cooking and entertaining, and it was the custom that the company would pay for rentals, so I could rent tables, chairs, glasses, and other necessities without feeling too extravagant.

I used to enjoy decorating the house with pine roping on the front staircase, pocket doorway, mantel, and the like, then I could no longer afford it. I used to collect blown glass Christmas ornaments, and have a fairly extensive collection of Patricia Breen, Radko, and the like. I love baking, and when I was a kid would bake and decorate gingerbread cookies with which we decorated the tree. (Yes, I am one of those people who has an extensive collection of cookie cutters.)

I used to make real Christmas puddings in early November and age them, dousing them regularly with rum. I love fruitcake. I made them, too. And of course several varieties of cookies. And a gingerbread house, naturally.

I also used to make Vidalia onion pickles, jams (rhubarb ginger, Brandied Apricot, Plum Rum conserve, Wild Blueberry were favorites), jellies (hot pepper, chardonnay basil, et al), chutney, corn relish, dilly beans, etc. My Christmas presents to close friends and some family would be a nice basket lined with a Jacquard Francais tea towel, filled with those things plus something like a scone and muffin cookbook and/or a special cast iron muffin tin (for those who baked) or something else. Eventually I got into faux finishes and decoupage, and would paint, decorate, and varnish paper mache boxes.

I also chaired my church’s Holiday Craft fair, and made all kinds of things for that. (Year round.) And I sing in the choir, so we perform at the annual Pageant of the Nativity and on Christmas Eve.

Yes, in another life I was Martha Stewart. :smiley:

Most of this came to complete halt when I started the chocolate business. I was chained to the chocolate room throughout November and December, by far the busiest time of the year. Sometimes until 3 AM. I would have people calling me for boxes of truffles on Christmas Eve. That, combined with my other job, made it impossible to do anything special. My H really doesn’t care about or appreciate any of this stuff, and I don’t think S does either. It is really very sad for me.

46

Wow, Consolation, that does sound like Martha Stewart! Can you pick some of those things back up again now that you’ve closed your chocolate business? Even if your husband and son don’t appreciate it, I’m sure others do. (And I’m sorry that your chocolate business closed. It sounded so fabulous.)

47

@Consolation’s post makes me a bit nostalgic! Last year, we unexpectedly had an adult kid at home. It was fun to make and age (lots of rum!) fruitcakes and plan an elaborate Christmas dinner - something I never had time or energy to do with a growing family. Christmas shopping was meaningful for a young adult that couldn’t afford to buy himself anything, but would appreciate several nice things from Mom and Dad. This year, said young adult is gainfully employed and living far away. So glad, but what an empty house!

I’m realizing that when my 89 year old mom no longer has the energy to send her usual generous box of beautifully wrapped Christmas gifts, we will have quite a barren season. Maybe it’s time for some new traditions for the empty nesters to look forward to!

48

Consolation, impressive! It is lovely to do all those creative things when you have the energy and purpose behind it. Sad about your holiday focused business getting rather out of hand in terms of energy. For years I put a lot of energy into the holidays, as I grew up sans much tradition, and loved the beauty of it all here in the Midwest. In recent years, energy and organizational efforts have flagged and I vary between loving and resenting it all.

I had Ds grad school program over yesterday. A lot of work, mostly to clean my house and cook. But good prep for the annual caroling party tomorrow in a few weeks. Years ago I chose to focus on the music and creativity, thus the caroling party, and the community gatherings, so I bake cookies with friends. I do presents, as there are so many things my kids need and are unable to afford. Aside from the tree, I don’t do much decorating. Card have rather escaped me, though I love to receive and keep in closer touch than happens with FB.

49

I love Christmas and all that goes with it. Knowing that I was going to be away for a couple of weeks in early December this year, I started my shopping early and had it finished and everything wrapped by the end of November. My cards were done and ready to be mailed before I left. The trees were up and the house was decorated. The company I use for yard maintenenance does my outside urns and Christmas lights so all was ready for December!

The one thing I no longer do is a big Christmas party. I did it for years and really enjoyed it but once my girls got older, I found that I was doing more with them in December to prepare for Christmas and I enjoyed that more so the parties came to an end.

I do ask for lists from my Ds and their significant others so that if I don’t have specific ideas for them, I can default to their list. I do go overboard at Christmas with gifts, I always have and likely always will. I told my Ds that I was cutting back this year, and every one of them said “oh, mom, you say that every year!” I do love shopping for that special gift for each person on my list. I keep a little Christmas notebook so that if I hear one of them mention at some point throughout the year that there is something that they like/want, I make a note of it so I don’t forget. I no longer do stockings for my Ds, as they all have husbands/fiances/significant others to do that but I do make stockings for the grandkids.

I don’t bake a lot anymore but there are a few things that are family tradition that I do make a point of making each year. I know if I didn’t that there would be complaints! Everyone comes to our house for Christmas, 5 Ds and significant others, my parents, a couple of siblings and we usually end up with a friend or two who are alone for the holidays. I love to cook for everyone but I must admit that I long for the day when one of my girls takes over and does it at her house. Although, if that ever does happen, I’ll probably miss it!

50

We don’t do stuffing stockings.

51

Backing out of some of my normal routines is giving me a little relief but I hate to change everything. There are traditional foods we eat for the holidays ,some of which are time consuming . My girls have taken over some of the baking which I am happy about , but I make a bread called Nissu and so far , none of them have expressed a desire to learn how to bake bread…I skipped it once and they were so upset . I also didn’t make french toast casserole for Christmas morning and that was a disappointment. My step daughter comes for gift exchange on Christmas morning , and then pretty much bolts once that is done. Since I can’t know for certain when we will be done with gifts, I can’t give an exact time for when brunch will be served .Generally , we just chill out on Christmas day . I prep as much as I can ahead of time, but eating on a time schedule just doesn’t work out

52

I forgot to add that I gave up sending Christmas cards years ago. That’s ONE thing I didn’t do, LOL.

53

Warning: Don’t google Nissu images without the word bread in the search. :wink:

The bread looks yummy. I could have lived without seeing the other stuff.

54

send very, very few cards.
no stockings. come on, they’re adults!
I make one kind of cookie
stopped putting out my Santa collection.

55

It was getting ridiculous that we were essentially trading gift cards!!!>>>>>>>>>>>

I know. This is why I really don’t like gift cards.

56

That reminds me that I need to bake bread today…

We’re on the fence about Christmas/Holiday cards this year. My husband wants me to send them out because he loves to get them, I’m conflicted because people see all our pictures on FB anyway, so I’d have to do new pics. Which would be fine, but try and get us all together lately and it’s challenging. Maybe that’s a good excuse to get us all together :wink: We’re too busy right now, we need to slow our roll.

57

Had a busy week at work and was stressing about having to make cookies for a cookie exchange tomorrow. I really want to see these friends, but really didn’t want to bake. I had the time but chose to go out to dinner last night w/ H and some really close friends. Will be stopping in for awhile at an Army-Navy game watching party today (not that I watch football and besides H went to WP and they always lose :slight_smile: ), but it’s an opportunity to see some other friends we don’t see often enough. So I skipped the baking and bought the cookies at Wegmans.

The cookies were not inexpensive, but I chose time with my friends over baking. And I feel good about it. And lets be honest-the Wegmans cookies are a lot better than the ones I make.

58

I don’t do holiday cards, bake cookies or buy little gifts for my coworkers. Collectively we decided to take the pressure off of us during the holidays. We buy treats for the office through the year and rely on our vendors to supply them in December.
We celebrate on Solstice, so on Christmas it is all about movies and Asian food.

59

When I think of what my mother (parents) did vs what I do! Wow. I do still decorate because I like to. But I do a lot less now. I don’t bake. But I really never did unless my mom was here for Christmas. I guess that means she baked.

I still put candles in the windows and put some lights outside, usually around our front door or fake trees beside the door. But this year our stoop is being rebuilt and we can’t put anything out there. Oh well!!

Tried to not do stockings this year, but our 29 yr old very tradional, sentimental S asked that I at least put them up for decoration. I feel I then have to put something in them. I told my D1, who will not be with us Christmas morning for the first time in her life, that there will be no stocking for her. She will be coming the day after Christmas. She acted surprised and disappointed. She is 27, lives in Manhatten, just bought her own place in Manhatten in the UES and is renovating it for a good chunk of money. But she is a bit disappointed not to have a stocking. Hahaha

So, I have cut back and will do more and more. Eventually I hope my sentimental kids are doing their own decorating and traditions and my H and I are visiting them.

60

We don’t wrap gifts in paper anymore. A few years ago my daughter was learning to use a sewing machine. She got inexpensive fabric remnants in various Christmas colors and even prints, and turned the edges and stitched with the sewing machine making sheets of various sizes. She also sewed bags, like pillowcases of various sizes. Gifts get wrapped or sacked in the cloth then tied up with ribbons. We recycle the cloth wrapping and a lot of the ribbon too.