What makes a good/fun/enjoyable wedding?

Parent Cafe
101

The one my daughter used (2008) had a defined list of tasks. I can’t remember if we paid by the hour or a fixed fee, but it was really worth it. She had good info on different vendors and took care of paying everyone the night of the wedding and making sure everyone was where they were supposed to be. She was very “behind the scenes”. It was really not a huge expense, but I know the ones like you see in the movies can be pricey. My daughter’s goal was to not have to worry about any logistics on wedding day- and that was accomplished.

I think it is important for the couple to establish their priorities. Is it important to have a fancy sit down meal? Is being outdoors the priority? Is having 16 attendants (like the 2 bridezillas from 2 weeks ago had) important?

My daughter/son in law’s priorities were 1. church wedding (she is now an Episcopal priest) and 2. live country music (easy to come by in Nashville). We had a formal church wedding and then changed into cowboy boots for a fun, lively reception. It worked well for them.

102

A male cousin of mine was married on a hillside of farmland in southern Wisconsin – a few acres of that land had not been planted that spring in anticipation for the wedding, so vegetation wasn’t an issue.

  • On Friday, there had been heavy rain
  • On Friday night, those close to the groom did some partying. I was included in the festivities.
  • On Saturday morning, I woke up with an awful hangover, but...
  • ...still went to the wedding site to help with the setup. (chairs and other things that needed to be carried and placed)
  • ...and felt like throwing up the entire time because it was -- already, at about 10am -- probably 85 degrees, with about 70% humidity, and no clouds or breeze: the sun was beating straight down onto us and you could feel all the moisture being pulled out of that damp, rich soil. When I say there was no breeze -- it is still a vivid memory -- there was no breeze to help. We might as well have been in Texas or Tennessee, it was so darn humid.

So I walked chairs up and down that damn hillside for well over an hour, sweating like Patrick Ewing and constantly fighting the urge to vomit… and with a head that felt like it had taken a few right hooks from Tyson in his prime. It was not the worst hangover I’ve suffered, but the extenuating circumstances made it among the most uncomfortable experiences in my life. But what else are your early 20s for…? hehe

My own wedding was pretty awesome: it was an outdoor wedding on a day when the forecast was pretty scary. We were using electrical instruments/microphones for the event – I did not want to be electrocuted while playing the song for my wife, nor for the same fate to befall other performers – but wouldn’t you know it, the sliver of sky directly above us remained fairly cloud-free, and we avoided the rain until the conclusion of the wedding. The reception was also outside, and this guy had paid for the tent. Boy, did that tent come in handy, because not five minutes after I kissed the bride, it did begin raining. That became a thunderstorm knocking out the power outside, so we took the party inside (muddy shoes, kids and all… lol and I was wearing ivory from head to toe: “No, Johnny, I don’t want a hug!”) to the mansion we had rented. It was air-conditioned in there, thank heavens. Anyway, it was a bit tight in there, but the music was good and loud and it was dry. Much merriment was had.

What made my wedding special to me were primarily two things (cliche, I know, but true):

  1. My wife. I’m not much of a cryer, but the “first look” really got me. And the vows.
  2. My family and friends. It was surreal how friends of mine from different eras in my life – high school friends, college friends, work friends, my family, and other friends from different places – all came together and were all there in one place at one time. It was like a buffet of awesomeness socially.
103

I was the official “wedding troublechooter” for a few weddings as an unpaid friend/family member, depending. I kept on the lookout for things that needed to be done and handled them with no fuss, no muss, and no involvement of the wedding party or parents of the newlyweds. It worked out fine and I was given a hearty thanks for my services which was just fine with all of us.

104

I feel a little bad for not having dancing at my wedding, reading how important it is for so many people. We had a Sunday afternoon wedding outdoors with 55 guests. A baroque trio played, there was an excellent buffet lunch, wine and champagne (shoulda had beer, blame the groom for that choice) plus an awesome cake. Lots of chairs! It was more like a cocktail party than a wedding, lasted about 3-4 hours including ceremony. I received a lot of compliments, but then I know a lot of introverts so maybe they were happy with the low-key vibe.

If I had a do-over, I would hire a coordinator. I asked a friend to take on the task, and when a few things went wrong that day she came to me for help. I ended up having to do battle with the location supervisor while I was trying to get dressed for the wedding. A coordinator would have made my day much more pleasant.

105

The wedding that we went to that had a shortage of chairs was because the place used the chairs for both the wedding and the reception. The wedding was on one side of a mansion and the reception on the other so the party people were scurrying all over moving chairs and tables. Madness!

I am now wishing we had not sold our aluminum canoe this spring. I never thought of it as a large cooler; it just seemed like a dorky lawn ornament to me.

We are doing one thing right- wedding and reception at the same place!

106

" I ended up having to do battle with the location supervisor while I was trying to get dressed for the wedding. A coordinator would have made my day much more pleasant."

@oneofthosemoms

Yes. Oh my goodness… the only negative from my big day was all the questions!

“Where do you want the __________?”
“Where’s Cynthia (my wife)?”
“Do I walk down the aisle before or after _________?”
“What do we do with the chairs?”

etc.

All day, it was question after question. People were probably annoyed by my vague answers and vacuous expression because I was floating… and pacing holes into the floor…

107

I can only speak for myself, naturally, but for me the biggest part of a wedding being fun is when it is set up for the comfort of people there. I don’t mean necessarily the kind of facilities (though that helps), it doesn’t mean the ambience or anything in particular (and obviously varies with the people, too).

Okay, so what kind of things do I think make it work?

1)When a lot of the people at the wedding are people that the couple truly wants to be there, and where there aren’t a ton of people (usually family) that if they had a party, they wouldn’t invite them to it. After all, the wedding and reception are supposed to be about joy and celebration, and when you have too many aunt boombah types who spend all their time nitpicking or telling everyone how better her kid’s wedding was, or uncle vito who gets drunk and then gets obnoxious, etc. It is a lot more fun when it s people they really enjoy being around.

2)Trying to keep it as relaxed as possible (and maybe this is just me). Too many weddings and the receptions are these stiff, formal things (I realize that church services can be like that and tend to be like that,someone married in a high church service is going to be somewhat formal),but the reception doesn’t have to be.

3)have places at the wedding where people can talk, as well as have fun. A loud, noisy reception that is like being at a nightclub might work for some people, but might be nice to have a place where people can talk, too (like go outside on a nice patio).

4)Spend a lot more time and effort, rather than impressing people with the reception, the reception hall, the fountain with the running whatever, on finding ways to make it fun, work with the catering hall or whatever to make it fun and take out the stiffness.

5)Speaking only from my wedding memories, keep it a lot less formal,allow the couple and others to enjoy the time and let it flow as it does. I guess I am not a slave to formality, but so many weddings seem to go off like a military drill “at 20:00 hours the father of the bride will lead her to the table, at 20:05 Aunt Minnie will complain about the hors d’oevres…”…

6)Be a little different, whether it is with the food, or the music, do what you (the bride and groom) will like. You aren’t there to make points with everyone, you are there to celebrate your marriage, and I find if the couple does that, it makes it fun. One of the things that is kind of cool when you do this, people remember it, and later on help bring back the memories. I went to a wedding 20 years ago that purists would sniff at, but the couple wanted to recreate memories of going to a carnival as kids (they knew each other as kids, then later as adults met), so they had things like carnival games and such, the food was catered by a famous Jewish deli, they had a great band there, and everyone had a blast.

I think the biggest one when planning the wedding is make it about yourself, and don’t worry about pleasing everyone else, and that often works out to be the best:)

108

Our wedding was mid afternoon, appetizers, and champagne. No dancing at all. Music was played on a cassette deck at the house where we had our wedding.

The number one item for,any wedding we plan…a great band.

109

We had a kind of canoe, a pirogue, filled with ice and oysters. Both Dads spent a lot of time in front of that!

Put your boats to good use!

110

@pizzagirl, at one wedding where I was a bridesmaid the flowergirl, who was rather high-strung, started throwing up into her bouquet when we were all standing under the chuppah. I reached out and discreetly drew her back between me and another bridesmaid so that she’d be hidden from the congregation. Of course, it turned out that no one noticed except for her agonized parents! :slight_smile: Can you imagine?

111

We have a wedding planner and I already feel he is worth his weight in gold. I am sure I will feel even more so on “the day”!

112

It would not surprise me if my older child comes home and introduces me to his wife… And my step child will likely have lots of drama and ups and downs during the planning and execution. This is assuming they do get married. I think it’s most important that the bride and groom are happy, and I plan to defer to them on as much as is reasonable and affordable, we have paid a lot for college, and I’m not inclined to pay a ridiculous amount for weddings, but time will tell.

113

Is that to imply that your kid would get married to a woman you’ve never met or heard of?

114

I would be surprised if I never met her, but you never know. My point was really that he’s not a “pomp and circumstance” kind of guy, and could probably think of many better things to do than spend money on a wedding.
I personally like weddings with touches that show some things about the bride and groom, and where its not too “stuffy.”

115

I went to the second wedding of a good friend this year. It was in an historic home with cocktail hour in the front parlor rooms and the reception in the back room with a separate bar room. The nicest thing they did was to hand out boxes to each table and in each box was an individual letter to each person telling them why they were happy to have them in their lives.

Their band was great, we sat with our friends, the couple was ecstatic, everything was beautiful and special to them.

I went to a wedding of an employee. It was in a neighborhood clubhouse and it was smelly, cheap tables and no one talked to each other because no one knew each other. When I went to talk to her mom she was just a flustered mess as they cooked everything themselves and had no help organizing the day. My little pet peeve was the plastic silverware wasn’t even placed correctly. (I’ve spent a lifetime telling hubby forks are on the left) most people left after dinner.

116

Wedding planners can work with folks anytime in the planning process. The ones who are there for the long term–we interviewed several–usually get a percentage of the total budget,e.g., 10%. Or they may charge an hourly rate if they act as consultants or are there to coordinate on the day of the wedding. Some offer a package rate for a specified group of services. Lots of differences in pricing. I think our wedding planner made a huge difference in our ability to relax and enjoy the day.

117

My secret dream job is to be a wedding planner (I don’t suffer fools well enough for it to be an actual career, lol), and I really enjoy watching wedding shows, and I’ve been to about a dozen weddings. While the details seem to vary a lot, the one thing that makes a wedding good for me or not is whether the bride and groom were thoughtful when it came to their guests.

I’ve been to enough “it’s all about me” weddings to really appreciate the ones that put some thought into the comfort and enjoyment of their guests. The specifics can vary (big budget, small budget), but the weddings that say “I’m glad you’re here to witness our day and that you cared enough about me to be here” always make me happy.

118

To me the most important thing in making a wedding enjoyable is only inviting people who would actually want to come and not just those out of obligation. If you work in an office, don’t invite just one couple you can stand to talk to and have you be the only people there they know. Or an old high school teacher you liked or just one neighbor from your old neighborhood. If a guest knows nobody else but the bride or groom, they most likely don’t really want to be there.

After that, I absolutely cannot stand self seating. There are tables for 6 and there are 8 of you from the office. Which two get stuck sitting with complete strangers while they watch you having a good time? Or four of you walk in and there are plenty of seats left but only in twos. Or there are five or six tables of people you know but there are four of you and not enough at any one table. Seriously…put some effort into this and have well thought out seating plans. It doesn’t have to be by seat, but by table. I don’t want to have to rush into a wedding early to make sure I save seats for myself and my family. I want to walk in and be seated with people who are friendly. And I am so glad we never invited anybody to a family wedding who had the nerve to switch the seating assignments. For both weddings we have done so far, the couple, both sets of parents and most of the wedding party were invited to a lunch at our house where we all worked on the seating to take into account all those preferences. They both turned out great and we had no complaints.

Two of my sons are married. One used a wedding planner, one did not. The one that did not had a much more enjoyable experience. I feel the same about wedding planners as I do decorators. How the heck do they know what we want? Those planners who talk people into limited seating “for the flow” is exactly what I’m talking about.

Food, music, decorations all require a little thought but I don’t ever remember not having fun because the food wasn’t great. It’s all about the people.

119

Well, the planners know what you want because you tell them!

120

I thought about using a wedding planner for my wedding but in the end after talking to one of my girl friends I decided to do it alone. But the key thing is it’s a small wedding party, smaller than 50 people. Good food, good wine, good location, good weather resulted in a reasonably good time.