<p>I’ve always inclined towards fulfillment over happiness but you can get into some pretty finicky philosophical slicing and dicing over that. My point being that most worthwhile things, whether relationships or career pursuits, will bring their moments of unhappiness and long, dark tea times of the soul. </p>
<p>One data point in the ledger on the “pro” side of the question about the existence of God is that I’ve never lacked a roof over my head or missed more than one meal due to lack of money despite many damn fool decisions I made, particularly pre-40. To this day I’ve still never quite figured out money: a lack of it like the proverbial grinding weight, some of which I’ve experienced. Otoh, from observation, excessive pursuit of money leads to a hollow sort of life that I regard with some combination of pity and condescension…guess I’ll just keep muddling through.</p>
<p>Cheers nails a lot. </p>
<p>I wish I had taken more risks when I was young and not been constrained by what other people might think of anything. In that regard, I find my present age pleasing, the age 50+ brain cramps notwithstanding.</p>
<p>I spent my last afternooon in California with a friend my age who is dying. She doesn’t know her exact time line, she is housebound. But she has no pain, thankfully, and since there is no cure, she is on no medication.</p>
<p>She is calm. She tells me she is calm because she has her many friends who call and come; she has her daughter with her (daughter is 19 and has left Cal Berkeley to care for her mother - can you imagine?).
And… she has switched from terrified to calm, she tells me, because she used to believe that death was an obliteration and that terrified her. She says she doesn’t <em>know</em> what there is of an afterlife, because we “can’t know. But we can choose what to <em>believe</em>.” She has chosen to believe that we live on as a spirit and that this is her future. So, yes - family, friends and what you believe about the hereafter.</p>
<p>jmmom, I’m so sorry about your friend’s situation. But what a great attitute she has – I believe that faith can move mountains, and she seems to have found the peace that so many seek. She’s lucky to have so many people who care.</p>
<p>jmmom, she’s right. Her spirit will live on. One day, you may catch a glimpse of a spider web, lit from behind and sparkling in the morning. It may remind you of her strength and her beauty and the stunning perfection of all life. A single Mockingbird’s song on a moonlit night…the slow, unsteady flight of a Swallowtail over Queen Anne’s Lace and purple thistles…the color of snow when it falls at dusk… She will be remembered, and that is her future. ;)</p>
<p>sluggbugg - You know, it’s sappy. But I can never forget a moment I saw watching a golf tournament years ago: </p>
<p>Davis Love III was putting for his first major championship; he had “choked” on such putts several times over the preceding couple of years. All the commentators were speaking of his father, a golf pro who had died in a plane crash several years earlier and who had been Davis’ mentor in golf and in life.</p>
<p>Davis made the putt and won the championship. Just at that moment, a bright rainbow appeared in the sky. I saw it with my own eyes. What else can we believe but that this was that glimpse you speak of, of his father’s spirit. Made a believer out of a lot of people, I’ll bet.</p>
<p>H watched that tournament and came in to tell me about it. Golf is sort of a religion with H, and I’ve seen him pray to The Almighty more than once to keep from slicing it right into the trees. I’ve also seen him make a putt when he swore afterward that it happened only with divine intervention. Other times, there must have been a curse on his Callaways. Golf and college football have a tendancy to make believers out of the staunchest heathens. :D</p>
<p>Good health as long as possible and good company, friends and family that you love and trust, and knowing how to be good company for yourself, using your special gifts to bring pleasure to yourself and others, being able to sacrifice your own pleasures for the well-being of others and to also take pleasure in that. Feeling that your life makes some kind of sense and that every day may continue to surprise you with something wonderful. Encounters with beauty, truth and the power of imagination. Knowing the ways in which you have been blessed and remembering to respect the humanity of all others.</p>
<p>someone earlier in the thread was poo pooing “sensual pleasures.”</p>
<p>They would be on my list. I can only speak from a married perspective (my memory does not go back reliably before then) and I view the sensual as a integral part of a strong marriage. On a par with love, companionship and support. </p>
<p>I would also agree with health, health insurance and enough financial support to avoid living paycheck to paycheck.</p>
<p>I was part of a corporate merger about a year ago, as part of the acquired company. I hung on for six months, then resigned rather that put up with unfulfilling crap on a daily basis. Six months later I am worse of financially but better off in so many ways: healthy, recharged, positive. </p>
<p>In fact, I have spent so much quality time with my family that they are begging me to find another job, possibly one with significant travel.</p>
<p>A health balanced marriage, strong family with open lines of communication and food, health and shelter. That’s what matters later in life…</p>
<p>And of course a red convertible for the midlife crisis.</p>
<p>I think for most of us, seeing our kids succeed at whatever they choose is the biggest thrill. After that, it’s the grandkids. In the real world, success is meaningless if it makes you miserable. Find whatever makes you happy and build your personal success around it.</p>
<p>Finding love is the first.
Finding what you love to do with your time is the second. One thing that young people do not necessarily realize is that life continues to present choices, far past the age of 18 or 21. If you don’t find a way to do the work you love in your youth – even if you do find work that you like – you will find a way to do what you love later, if it is who you are, if it is really important. You just have to be creative about it, and nimble.</p>
<p>Thanks, sac - I would like to add the phrase “nothing satisfies like satisfaction.” And in my experience, the surest path to satisfaction is taking time and trouble to cultivate, master, and develop the aspects of life that attract you for their own sake, that fuel your innate drive. If you are driven to play the flute, you will find great satisfaction in playing it beautifully, to the limits of your ability and persistence. What you do for yourself, for the joy of it, rather than for anyone else, is likely to bring contentment and satisfaction that no one can ever take away from you. </p>
<p>And about love, I would like to add that the dictum “find love” does not necessarily equate to “find the love of your life” or “live in the bosom of a beloved family” or any other specific form. Love exists in every moment, in each circumstance, in all places - different forms of love are just like light filters coloring the brilliance of love. Be love - what you already are.</p>
<p>i am a college applicant and i find myself smiling everyday. u know what matters. giving. not only later in life, but throughout. giving what? anything. especially that which you cannot give easily - time to your family when you would want to be with your friends - money to the needy when you want to save it for your ‘necessities’ when its not even on that guy’s luxury list. and most importantly, love - even when you think that you are the one who needs it. give. but dont do it out of charity… trust me when you give, there is no ‘high’ that is comparable… think about others. smile even if you do not want to…maybe somebody will smile seeing ya… take somebody’s pain… we have one life… and you know who gets to go to heaven after that… those who are the happiest… and you know what, you can never be happy if you badly want yourself to be happy… ironic! and if the day-to-day small givings doesnt sink into your personality, then also its ok…life is mundane more often than not, atleast have one long term goal that does not involve you and work on it. that is what matters… (for me, its opening a free-for-all primary school before i die … i mean at least that)</p>
I’ve also seen him make a putt when he swore afterward that it happened only with divine intervention. Other times, there must have been a curse on his Callaways. Golf and college football have a tendancy to make believers out of the staunchest heathens. :D</p>