So @Old_parent, you started this thread as a gentle attack at MIT, and are now apologizing for “off topic” ranting about foolishly window shopping on 5th avenue when you only wanted to buy at Walmart. Did your daughter get accepted to MIT, but not receive enough money for you to support her attendance?
How much less is the state option?
I agree that college is about experiencing new things, but I also believe that your fellow students are the vast majority of that experience. As a State U grad who started at a private school and transferred for money, the year I had at the small school was much more interesting and interactive than the last three combined.
Final thought. Nobody else is going to look out for your retirement, so you have every right to protect your financial future. Sadly, there are many in your situation without a choice, they have nothing to protect. You have choices, so be thankful.
Slightly off topic and responsive to your rant - H and I are older parents as well, and have 5 children to boot. Yesterday, I went to a Medicare readiness meeting at work. Both H and I put ourselves through college and law school. For me, just owning a home is a miracle considering that I grew up in a housing project in the South Bronx. I have a pathological fear of being a bag lady in my really old age. So, there is NO way that I am giving up my home equity or taking on parent loan debt for my kids to go to school. I don’t know if they would have gotten aid at LAC’s, as none of their stats (except for middle boy, who got NMF commended without opening a book) was really top notch. My kids have gone to and/or will be going to SUNY schools.
Don’t feel badly about your journey, however, One of my closest friends did the same thing for her Ds. Both were accepted into some wonderful LAC’s but the gap was just too much. My friend has an autistic son and had to stop working to take care of his issues and her husband lost his job in a vanishing field and had to go back to school to train for a job in the health field. One D graduated from a SUNY and attended Columbia for grad school, the other is at a SUNY currently. I learned from her journey and chose not to embark on a similar one for Techson17.
And back on topic -
@NJFabFour - my son is not a city kid and despite growing up 45 minutes outside of Manhattan, he very rarely ventures in. However, D took him to visit Pace and he really loved it, to both his and my surprise. He didn’t apply, both because he was considering a gap year and they don’t honor those and because I didn’t think he’d qualify for enough money and I couldn’t risk him falling in love with it.
Bowdoin was a huge turnoff for me and my son. We visited during a depressing winterish day and everything looked shabby. We live in New England so we get it, but not a great start.
Our tour guide was an awkward neuroscience major turned theater major. He said he didn’t have the right training in high school to succeed in the science major at Bowdoin. What?
The info session was run by a young admissions officer who was an alum. She peppered her presentation with gems like “that’s so Bowdoin” and a detailed explanation of the So Bowdoin practice of “winning dinner” which means making plans to meet friends for dinner, eat dinner, and then stay enjoying each other’s company until the dinner hour is over. Sounded very stressful to me–making dinner into a social competition.
Old_parent, if you are referring to my post, I wasn’t technically frightened by the area around UCSD. It seemed fine. I really didn’t like the bars on the ground floor windows at the Residence Inn, though, not that far from the campus. That is not standard Residence Inn design! I suppose they may have been intended to keep homeless people from entering and living there, rather than to protect the person staying overnight,
Swarthmore was our unexpected school to dislike. On paper it seems perfect for my son. But instead it was uptight and cold. All the students seemed stressed and miserable. The admissions folks were snotty and condescending and gave their talk sitting in wingback chairs by a fireplace pontificating how lucky we would all be to go there. Then on the tour my son asked the student guide how students manage to balance their academics and other parts of their lives at a school so rigorous and the guide said “if you have to ask that this school is not for you.” My son was gracious and did not react but after that we couldn’t get to the car fast enough. Haverford on the other hand was so cozy and friendly.
Yes, we experienced the same thing. The most recent visit (of those that D liked of course) always became the favorite.
The only exception to this was D’s dream school since she was a kid. Why? Probably because we spend a lot of time in that area throughout her life so she was more familiar with it and it didn’t “fade away.”
Duke - Expected it to check all our D’s boxes, but instead it was off-putting. West Campus is gorgeous but Central and East Campus were blah and confusing to D. The obsession with basketball was too much even for sports-crazed D. The admissions presentation included a dated, hackneyed video of basketball trick shots and a photo of Nobel Prize winners with Coach K, as if they are equivalent. Plus, the admissions officer was the most arrogant we’ve ever encountered - more or less said “If you don’t have straight As, forget about it”.
@techmom99 Thank you for your sage advice. I wish I had your council two or three years ago. I’m also the product of the SUNY University system. I graduated into a rust belt economy with 25% unemployment and quickly used my degree to get a job as a hot tar roofer. I’ve reinvented myself several times as is common these days but my SUNY education was more enduring and life changing then any educational experience that I’ve had since and I treasure it.
@Gator88NE Thank you as well, and your advice describes my intention. I’m dealing with the logical consequences of that approach, a depressed teenager who wonders why she’s worked so hard to get into a state U and is currently blaming me for encouraging her to try. When I look at the aftermath, I wonder if it’s worth the shot? A bit of a lottery?
@EyeVeee If my attack on MIT was gentle, it was probably due to my lack of wit and poor command of the English language. No she didn’t apply. I’m sure it’s a wonderful school for some students, it just gives me hives
I didn’t want Walmart for my daughter but I’d settle for Target. I think there is sufficient intellectual curiosity at our state schools but I sought out private schools with the notion that they were better. Your experience provides evidence that this is true and twists the knife a bit. I was looking for varying opinions and inviting friendly rebukes and I thank you.
BTW, there is evidence this morning that my daughter is coming around and getting more excited about visiting the CA schools she was accepted to. There is light and we’re heading for it. @QuantMech I tried to make a joke of your experience and I apologise. As someone who graduated with a degree in planning, it pains me each time I have to go on the campus. Such wasted potential, but an excellent school in spite of the architecture. The west coast, from Seattle to San Diego is home to a huge and growing homeless population. It is a national shame. Come to my neighborhood, and you’d really see the effects.
I disliked Vassar - just didn’t like the feel and the town wasn’t great. We all hated Hampshire - thought it was the creepiest place on earth! Trinity - hated and it’s in an awful neighborhood. I also didn’t like CMU that much, but my husband and son both loved it.
@NCMOM24 - The environment at Swarthmore is much more competitive than Haverford, which is why you got that vibe. My son preferred Haverford for that same reason.
@Old_parent I am still pro-hater, but I like how this thread is now totally off course, so I will keep steering in the wrong direction. I graduated with a degree from CSULB (6 years in total, three of which were spent dropping classes at CC while I ditched and went to the beach), and began a career as a flight attendant. English Lit never seemed to come in handy on flights, but “chicken or beef” sure did! Anyway, I never really put my degree to any use until about 6 years ago, and now I am thankful everyday that I earned that degree. I wouldn’t have my current job without it.
Getting back on track…another school my D unexpectedly didn’t like was Dickinson. We had heard the campus was lovely,and for the most part it was, but my D was really bothered by a road that went through campus. In addition our tour ran a bit long and the admission officers started the information session before our group even got there which my D didn’t like either. She has a friend who attended Dickinson and was very happy, but my D just didn’t get a great feeling on our visit.
We’d also agree with Trinity which someone noted above. The surrounding area wasn’t great and when we visited the campus itself was not well kept – lots of huge dirt patches where there should be grass etc. Also my D was turned off by seeing female students working in admissions who were wearing pearls!
And both of my kids had a bad reaction to Fairfield (CT) which I though would be perfect for my S. Just too preppy for them.
Again, these are all lovely schools. Just not fits for my kids. Fascinating to read how people react differently to the same school.
I’ll bite, again, since this thread is so much fun to follow.
IU Bloomington – our public flagship and my son’s first choice at the time (he knew he wanted big). Granted, my view was shaped by the fact that as non-Indiana natives, we hoped he would get a little further afield for college and not just go with 30-50 kids from his high school to Bloomington. But, it’s what he wanted, and its a terrific school, so we were on board. Plus, we had been there several times before the official visit, for various high school competitions etc.
Ugh – the Admissions facility was tiny, with people spilling out of hallways while waiting for the info session. Info session was held in sweltering room, no ventilation, in April. Admissions officer read the bullet points on slide show, and added nothing additional to the presentation – literally, just read the words, for almost an hour. Call me grumpy (my family does), but I have never understood the “IU is so beautiful” thing – yes, there is a creek, and the area around the Union, with the Art Museum etc., is pretty, but overall, campus never warmed my heart. And yes, there are some great restaurants in the 4x4 blocks off of campus, but other than that, there is not much in B’ton. And it is torture to get to from Indy, with traffic delays on State roads. My son left campus that day feeling he had to start over. Thankfully, a few months later he sat in an info session at Wisconsin, and declared, “this is it.”
My S1 was not in love with Ohio University at all. He thought it was “too liberal” and he hated the football stadium. I really wanted him to like it because he had a good chance of getting merit money there, but he was too set on an in-state regional, and he ended up getting good merit there too.
I do love reading threads like this. My sheltered high school student was shaken when she saw homeless men in one public flagship’s library. It wasn’t new to me, but the look on her face!
I like the stories where upon pulling up to campus the kid refuses to even get out of the car to go on tour. I’m actually surprised that didn’t happen to us.
@Old_parent Yes, as another older parent, I just wanted Target. Meet the needs and something cute a few times a year. Gold spray paint, not solid gold.
@NCmom23@megan12 As a parent of both a Swattie and a pending Ford, I thought I’d add to your back and forth. If Swarthmore is more competitive, it’s by very little. There are a lot of kids at who applied to both, and got into the one they’re at. In many ways they are a flip of the same coin. My pending Ford goes to parties / hangs out at Swat, and finds the students to be very friendly, very interesting, humorous and fun to be around.
Although both schools are rigorous, there isn’t the blatant, outward, undercurrent of competition that I experienced at a larger school. Swat has been an amazingly supportive environment. Professors are always accessible, and they know their students by name. That’s not hard in a class of 7 (one class this semester, including 3 BM students).
I would also mention that these schools are much less onerous on rules and regulations with regard to social events. Alcohol isn’t permitted, but they do as little as possible to maintain order (in a good way). So long as the students show good judgement, they’re allowed to let off steam on weekends. Public Safety is honestly there to protect them…not arrest them.