I thought this thread was dead but two intrepid explorers found it this morning! If anyone else falls down this dark hole, I want to remind you that it’s time to make your amazing vacation plans, when you’ll pack up your minivan and take your pride and joys to see the wonders of the Ivys, the Seven Sisters, and the highly esteemed LACs of Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, and New York. What a wonderful time you’ll have screaming at your darlings to get out of the car in Dartmouth, or at Williams after a beautiful drive where your spouse and you have had an argument because you got lost getting out of Logan and saw more Boston that you cared to. Yes what fun it is to make your son and daughter hate you as you try to influence them to choose your alma mater or listen to parents from near and far tell you about their genius children and their perfect SAT scores. When you return from this joyous trip, which used up all of your precious vacation time and savings, you can argue with your children about filling out applications or studying for the ACTs( they’re taking because they bombed the SATs). You’ll be super proud of yourself as you waste your son’s summer writing essay after essay, and what bliss as even with near perfect scores and 4.7 cum your children are rejected by most hallowed institutions and those they get into will force you to take a second mortgage because their definition of “needs blind” is blind to your needs.
\Warning didactic rhetoric follows\
Yes, you can have that memorable experience or you can follow my advice. Apply to your best state universities(all of them), and pick half dozen or less private colleges and apply to them without visiting. There is plenty of time to visit after they’ve been accepted and your financial responsibility is clear.
Don’t pack up the van, and instead take the kids to Paris, Rome, or see some theater in London or New York. San Sebastian is lovely in the Summer. Or just stay home and save your money because if you are tempted by one of those LACs that your child gets into, you’re going to need every penny.
Carleton College. We had family that went there. But when we visited, the tour guide was rude and obnoxious. We got to pick from three tour guides and I picked him because he said he played the cello and he was in to gay rights. I felt we had a lot in common. But once on the tour, he looked at me like he was disgusted by me when I asked him about the cello. My daughter played the cello. And he said he didn’t even bring it to college, there was nothing for music there. And he seemed very bothered that I would bother him with that stupid question. And then he went on and on about how he was a gay rights activist when he arrived at college and knew he was gay. And he studies gay rights. And he works during the summers on gay rights and activism. He has no clue what he will do when he graduates. Umm, so the college did nothing for him I guess. He came to college with one viewpoint on life and never studied anything or expanded himself beyond what he already knew. He was very narrow minded and rude. Our family had even been friends with a very prominent person from that school who has a building named after him. Admission was already pretty certain. Decided not to apply. Expected to not like St Olaf as everyone we knew from Carleton really disliked St Olaf. We did not know anyone from St Olaf. Ended up loving St Olaf. Daughter got great scholarships there but decided not to go there. Too many politics involved with close family and friends so closely associated with Carleton to go to St Olaf when she had so many other options.
NC State - Was at top of list with Va Tech and Clemson (loved both). Hated it. Did not even go on tour after driving around on own. It is way too big and spread out. Every corner there are 10 kids waiting to take the bus to their next class or back to dorm. D18 does not want to be to be dependant on buses to get everywhere. While VT and Clemson are big campuses as well, not nearly as spread out and can go from one side to other in 15 minutes if needed. Also the aesthetics and vibe at NC State were lacking.
re waiting for a campus bus. At my alma mater back in the day we walked everywhere. In recent times it seems waiting for and taking a bus is popular. Different generations.
@Old_parent I am totally just starting this game but I think for some students visiting and visiting early, gives them the incentive to see beyond high school. If you have a good, but not great student I think it’s important. Then again I don’t have to fly to the schools you describe above.
There were two actually - Harvey Mudd, and Cal (sorry). After the dorm tour at HMU it fell from #1 on the list to off the list completely. Cal has a distinctive culture and I was not sure that our son would fit in well. He, however felt that the academics made up for some of the Cal “uniqueness”.
Post #965. None that I know of. Reminds of the two girls (18 became legal age in my time…) whose long hair froze on the way back to the dorm after their swimming- 5 or 10 minute, flat walk. We would rather not have stood around waiting for a bus which may have been full. Large, hilly campus.
@pkgny2022 My D is a senior at NCSU. It is a huge campus, and most of the undergrads have to live off-campus. Even so, my D was happy to move after her freshman year to an apt and drive to campus, and then walk 10 minutes. She loves it anyway, and it is in a great location in Raleigh.
@CheekyOne Family and friends would have actually been miffed if she went to St Olaf?
@MAandMEmom I think that you are talking to your future self. You sound just like me two years ago. I’m sure there are young adults that are inspired by seeing the great private schools of the northeast (don’t tell anyone but liked most of them). I think that unmotivated students rarely find motivation until they find something they are good at and/or passionate about. College tours don’t help students find their passion, they’re more for the pleasure of their parents, who want to relive their past or just want more for their children. There’s nothing wrong with that, I just don’t think that early college visits end up being a positive experience for the young adults or ultimately for the parents. I guess what I’m telling you, and please excuse me for my bluntness, is proceed at your own risk. There are plenty of amazing colleges that cost a third or less as the wonderful private colleges. Don’t get caught in the hype. It’s not worth your time, money or the agita/tsuris. (Consider this the warning from the ghost of future Christmas)
D19 visited Smith and MoHo and Skidmore last April. Skidmore was surprisingly the least favorite, mainly due to guide at Skid telling us 95% of freshmen were tripled. Disappointing for what you pay. (Smith and MoHo were great in every way, BTW).
@Old_parent your post is very funny!! I am remembering getting lost while driving on Starrow Drive in Boston, in some sort of infinite loop, trying to find the Mass Pike, to get to those nice little schools somewhere in the middle of Massachusetts… Yeah, but the worst is flying into Newark, NJ to see those mid Atlantic schools and getting lost in Elizabeth NJ, on some road with no way to U turn, while having a fight with spouse, kids, crammed in back of a rental, and missing that flight out!! And I am from New Jersey, originally. I am so glad both kids are most of the way through college and love reading this thread to relax and laugh!
NJ is frustrating. You get going the wrong way, or just expect to be able to turn into a shopping center at the next light, and you suddenly have an adjacent, aptly named Jersey wall, which keeps you from turning around for five miles or more. The Newark airport has to be the worst one on the planet. We had our five worst all-time airport moments trying to make a connection in that God-foresaken heck hole. And, honestly, I’m fully capable of pumping my own gas. In terms of college visits, I haven’t done the research, but I understand from New Jersey-ites I know that there are absolutely, positively no colleges or universities in the state, which is why all college-bound high school grads hit the road heading north, west, and south in August. Please excuse any errors in my post.
@Old_parent I should have provided more details - I work in higher ed, now at a public but previously at a private so I guess I’m in the camp that enjoys seeing other campuses. Hubby works at a nearby private and we have access to Tuition Exchange but it’s competitive so we need to find potential fit early.
I’m on Team College Visits. Our kids found them incredibly helpful in pinning down a list and enjoyable parent/child bonding time. Most of ours were really long road trips but we enjoyed the time together, used Priceline to minimize costs, GPS didn’t get us lost :), and made efforts to have a great meal in each location every night. :-c
@Old_parent - I respectfully disagree about the advantages of visits - and my kid is a senior in college (at a ridiculously expensive private college). For me, the school itself is a key component - while I agree that all schools have merit and opportunity, I don’t feel that they are all created equal. We learned so much about what she wants on those visits - she ended up a with diverse list where EVERY school felt like a place where she could really be happy - even her “safeties” - and I don’t think we would have without visiting. But then again, as posted earlier, I am in Ohio, and have family on the east coast, so there were LOTS of colleges within driving distance and/or on the way to family trips. I do agree with you that the tours serve as a nostaglia/fantasy purpose for parents - I loved most of them, even the ones D hated… and have continued to drive casually through campuses up to this summer (poked around Skidmore - LOVED Saratoga Springs, not as wild about the college itself)
We had high hopes for Case Western Reserve. Great stem school and opportunity to take music lessons with Cleveland Symphony members plus great merit opportunity. a great fit on paper. We flew into Cleveland and arrived late. Got to university owned hotel. front desk person seemed really clueless how to get us checked in. It was close to 2 am y the time we got to sleep only to awoken by garbage trucks at 4 am. The first event of informational campus visit day was a slick presentation by a guy who could have been a used car salesman. It was so in your face my head began to pound. I looked over at my D and saw she was in the same boat. We went on a tour and they didn’t even show us a dorm. Feeling really disappointed we decided to visit the music department open house. Apparently the department had just found out an hour before they had an open house. It was pretty pathetic. Truth be told it was a gray ugly day in February. It was touted as an urban campus but as big city dwellers it did not seem remotely urban. To salvage the day/trip we left early skipping lunch and went to “Little Italy” a neighborhood that was highly touted as walkable from school. It was just one or two restaurants and a bakery I think. For perspective we are originally from NYC). It was a big bummer of a trip and D never mentioned anything about case Western again.
