<p>I have a slightly different situation–the kids’ dad is deceased and there was a trust set up from life insurance for their educations. I use that for tuition only. I pay room and board; I figure that is my contribution, and they cover travel, dorm decorations, books and incidentals out of their wages and what we saved of their social security income when they were minors.</p>
<p>I wasn’t clear if your ex’s fund is covering ALL the education expenses or if he uses it to cover his half? If the college fund is paying all “educational” expenses I would consider myself lucky–if the state gets involved they could say you should be sharing part of that burden. </p>
<p>If you can’t afford something, there is nothing wrong with asking the kids to fund their incidentals or their travel out of summer earnings. Presumably it was their choice to go far enough away travel is expensive–when D. wanted to go far away we told her OK but she covers airfare. Since then I’ve kicked in a time or two but it was the expectation up front that she was responsible for travel since she was the one that wanted to go so far away you can’t drive there in a reasonable amount of time.</p>
<p>Well, I guess sometimes a post just seems to hit a nerve. If her ex is using a college fund to pay for their daughter’s college tuition/room and board and is willing to pay one half of additional expenses such as one half of her travel expenses, one half of her book expenses and one half of other expenses related to college, he’s definitely doing his part.</p>
<p>It seems to me that the real question being asked by the OP is where to draw the line on what constitutes a college expense. There isn’t an issue with the ex using a long-ago-funded college account to pay all “college expenses”, but interpretation of what should be considered an expense might differ between the OP and her ex, as it does among the posters on this thread.</p>
<p>I agree with a previous poster who said that a good place to start is the college’s own COA. All COA pages I’ve seen on the web include books and travel, and I think these are reasonable expenses to be paid from the college account (the student’s travel, not the parents’). I personally wouldn’t split parent travel expenses because this travel is often discretionary, and choices made (which hotel, where to eat, whether to add on a side trip to another city or turn the trip into a mini-vacation) are beyond the other parent’s control.</p>
<p>That is indeed my question, and I would truly appreciate it if posters would refrain from commenting on other matters such as “fairness” and what I “should” or should not do, and their opinions on who, apparently, is being taken to the cleaners. Although the personal experience posts (how THEY are splitting things) have been helpful, others have been just a little bit patronizing and offputting-- and not just nysmile’s. Because of that I would ask that that issue be off limits on this thread. </p>
<p>Also to make it perfectly clear, again, “HE” is not paying. “THE FUND” is paying. THE FUND is not his and it is not mine. It is hers. WE are trying to have agreement about what to pay from it, and thus far we do not. HE has ultimate control and therefore his opinion “counts” for more. That is neither good nor bad, it just is. I am trying to find out what expenses others pay from THEIR children’s “funds” so as to help myself decide if my ideas are within the normal range of things. Plain and simple. (So I thought.)</p>
<p>So, again, I am not asking for opinions about what anyone THINKS we should do. I am asking what others with such funds DO do. </p>
<p>From my original post:</p>
<p>“So my question is what do you use your educational fund for? Just tuition/room/board? Other stuff? Of course he and I will work this out however we can, but I’m just curious about how others handle this.”</p>
<p>It’s funny how different people get different interpretations of a set of facts, based on their personal experience. I think that’s what’s happened here. </p>
<p>Maybe if we thought of it as the <em>trustee</em> (as opposed to a former spouse or a parental unit) needing to sign off on all disbursements from the fund it might be easier to think the concept through.</p>
<p>That being said, if the fund can afford the travel expenses for the student to and from school, I think that’s a legit expense. I would also include car/van rental for the traveling parent to drive. I probably would not include parental travel in general.</p>
<p>Depends on what kind of “college fund” it is. If it is a Educational savings account (529) plan, then it is limited. We can use it to pay for Tuition, mandatory fees, meal plan, dorm, books and equipment that is required.
We pick up the rest. I know legally you cant use those funds for travel expenses to and from school, the van to move them, GREEK or other extracurriculars, dorm supplies, expenses…</p>
<p>It probably has more to do with whether the fund will be scrutinized by the IRS and subject to their rules. If not then it certainly is something that is flexible. However, sounds like ex hub does not want to use the fund to pay for incidental expenses…may be wanting to preserve the money for grad school or for other kids??? </p>
<p>You can buy a large meal plan (flex money usable at local restauarants, and have them buy lots of supplies when they get their books, up until this year they could also, put through Tshirts, dorm stuff like lamps etc…now they won’t let you add on to book orders …bummer) Many divorced people I know have problems with the “spending money” where one parent won’t give anything…</p>
<p>Good luck. </p>
<p>Good luck. I think there is a forum out there for educational funds specifically…on another site, like 529plans…</p>
<p>The COA figure sounds to me like a good place to start (and maybe end ), because this is a figure that is not derived or calculated by either one of you.</p>
<p>I would agree with NYS. I would also state that “expenses” would be what is federally described for 529s. A narrower definition would be limited to tuition, fees, books only. Living expenses would be incurred whether in school or otherwise. Travel expenses could be excluded or limited to two RTs/yr, at reasonable, advance purchase tickets, rapid travel. </p>
<p>Premier scholarships are currently limited to tuition, fees, and possibly books. Its very rare to find full rides unless the child is beyond exceptional caliber.</p>
<p>Living expenses wouldn’t necessarily be incurred by the parents, however, since their daughter is now of legal age. The cost of attending college includes spending time in class and on studies rather than working – the income lost to hours spent in/on school.</p>
<p>College funding can certainly include replacing that lost income-generating opportunity.</p>
<p>There are many many scholarships that go beyond tuition, books and room and board…some taxable and some not. Some give laptops, summer money, summer travel opptys, undergrad payment for research, etc.</p>
<p>And I added to that the costs of travel for the student, and the cost of the student’s computer. At most schools there IS a cost included in the Cost of Attendance (COA) for these items. There also is a line item for personal expenses usually, but in our household we agreed that recreational expenses (eating out, concerts, extra shopping trips, spring break trips, etc) would be paid by the student with student earnings during summer breaks and holidays (working jobs) and work jobs during the school year.</p>
<p>Our college fund pays for tuition/room/board, textbooks and other course related materials, medical insurance offered through the college, and a college debit card which we can pre-load. We load according to the university’s recommended amount per semester (about $700). We pay for travel out of our own funds. Our son pays for movies, incidental groceries, computer games, tee-shirts, club and recreational expenses with his own money.</p>
<p>I don’t understand what the real issue is. Is the fund small or large? What happens to leftover monies after D graduates?</p>
<p>If the fund is relatively small, use it to pay tuition, fees, room, board and books only (or whatever fraction of that the fund can cover.) Additional expenses to be dealt with in the usual way as arranged between OP and Ex. Ex apparently won’t argue with that, so there’s no issue.</p>
<p>If the fund is more than D’s expected tuition, fees, room, board and books for the next 4 years, what will happen to the remaining money after that? As long as the treatment of that money is fair (e.g. it goes to D) I still don’t see an issue. Travel money, e.g., will either come out of the Fund (as OP wishes) or split equally (as Ex wishes.) In the second case, after D graduates each dollar OP spent in travel will be an additional dollar that D will receive from her Fund. Either way, the arrangement is fair.</p>
<p>If, on the other hand, the fund is large and the leftover monies revert to Ex, I would contend that since the money is earmarked for D’s college education and there’s so much of it, the Fund should be generous in its interpretation of what constitutes a college expense, and COA should be the lower bound.</p>
<p>We look at some cost of living expenses as coming from the college “fund” because if the student were not in college it would not be our expense, since she is continuing her education and we don’t want her working full time to make it happen, we fund basic housing & living- that is how we categorise those extras.</p>
<p>one DD has played sports at a very high level, we would have included those costs in our “college fund”- if she plays for a travel team and that helps her get into a college, then it is college related?!</p>
<p>Seems perfectly logical to use the 529 guidelines as a template for negotiating. Student’s computer and travel expenses are both acceptable expenses for Uncle Sam, seems they should be for a “college fund”. Otherwise, these expenses could be shared so there is not burden on either of you.</p>
<p>Agree with Sam K- you gotta do the math and work backwards. If there’s another child in the pipeline and the funds can legally be used for that child’s education, then it pays to be conservative when using the college fund money for this child, and then try to come to a meeting of the minds around ancillary expenses (although I agree travel costs can be a nasty surprise and hit to the budget). If this is the only child, or thd funds can only be used for this child, and the funds exceed the COA, then I would push to have as many education-related expenses paid out of the fund as possible.</p>
<p>Look at senior year as well- grad school applications, more standardized tests (depending on her major), travel to grad school interviews if required, etc. can add a huge and sometimes unexpected burden. It’s a bit of a catch 22 in some fields- she can’t get into med school without the interviews, so clearly the travel costs are “educational costs”, but they’re for grad school not undergrad, but they hit you senior year when you’re still strapped paying for undergrad…</p>
<p>So if there’s ample money available, presumably after-tax dollars however they went in, and this is the only child who can legally benefit from the money, I’d do a comprehensive calculation of the total costs of the four years and try to get them paid out of the fund.</p>
<p>What is your Ex-'s problem with that??? Can you get him to articulate why he doesn’t want to use the money for these other expenses???</p>
<p>S college fund was in UGMA’s. We decided to call whatever we thought was for his education was his “education fund.” The excess UGMA is now used to pay down the PLUS and Stafford loans. </p>
<p>The 529 was of course more restrictive and was only used to pay billed college expenses.</p>
), because this is a figure that is not derived or calculated by either one of you.</p>