At 56 and with possibility of making $190K per year and helping you out, he really should consider postponing retirement for a few years and doing that. If he has no savings, that seems to indicate his spending is out of control, and I am not sure how mom could have gotten control of his retirement or retirement savings. He should not be punishing you for your mom’s behavior, especially since he had custody and can’t sing the song of how much child support hurt him.
But, it is his money … you can only be nice and plead for him to help you as much as he is willing, including even helping pay back loans.
Grandparents in MA, can you commute from their house ?
I also think maxing out on loans (10K), working part time should be on your radar … If your dad has a nice room for you, why would you consider a homeless shelter, you are not homeless.
With an associates degree, you may be able to get a decent salary and even tuition benefits.
I also would consider spending 40-50K to get a good degree … it won’t be fun to pay back those loans but if you work hard once you graduate and live frugally, it could be a good investment. 40 years of higher pay and better work is worth far more than 40K.