Several posters mention that that the neighbors were drinking or drunk. The OP never said that in the original post. The sheriff said it, but he wasn’t there. That’s really irresponsible of the sheriff to make wild claims.
^^^ after I got there I didn’t think I that drinking was the issue. None of them had slurred speech, I didn’t see any open containers and didn’t smell any alcohol. It was just a small group of adults acting very crazy. If I had to guess, I’d say they were on acid or some similar drug, they were certainly not acting normally.
If we have to change our retinue in getting the mail isn’t that a form of “admitting guilt”? He’s been getting the mail for the 6 months after this incident supposedly took place.
If they weren’t drunk that means all the more reason to not engage. You cannot win with crazy people or with people who are so defensive they will lie when confronted.
Changing your routine is in no way admitting guilt! Avoiding engaging with argumentative, lying, potentially nuts people is what smart people do. If there’s a battle that cannot be won, the absolute smartest thing to do is avoid that battle in the first place.
Having someone else in your family get the mail for a few months is a very small thing to do to avoid this unwinnable battle. But if the very idea of changing anything is not possible for you, then either walk with him or have him go a different route. Seriously, don’t think of this in terms of how you win or how you respond to their accusation, simply refuse to engage. They know there is nothing to admit - so who are you worried about admitting guilt to? Let it go and let them find somebody or something else to direct their energies on.
sorry this has happened. I hate it when there’s false accusations. It’s hard to let it go on your end; we get that. –
definitely not the same level, but a friend/neighbor accused my son of breaking beer bottles in front of her house years ago. NO - he was with us that evening! Made me mad! And i know i need to let go of that, but its hard and its become a joke around our house now.
with this situation, maybe i’d document it at home in my own notes, but i’d stay away from them, not do anything, and have someone pick up the mail differently for a long time. There’s no admitting guilt, its just staying away from them. they sound like they want to make trouble.
Now you know to avoid these people like the plague.
I once had an anonymous neighbor call me into child protective services. Houses were all lined up close to the road, and my house sat further back so you couldn’t see my house when you looked down the street. I used to sit on the porch and watch my son play on our driveway and sidewalk in front of the house - he’d ride his tricycle back and forth. When the CPS came, I was seriously ready to make a run for the border, I showed him where I sat, and where he played. He just said, is it against community rules to play outside? He agreed all someone had to do who was really concerned was to walk a few feet towards my house and they would have seen me. And he said, some neighbors are crazy, and the best policy is to just avoid them, and that is pretty much what we’ve done there forward.
My kids also went to private school and didn’t really get to know the neighbors, which was fine by me. Do nothing. These people are clearly nut jobs and it’s best to just ignore them.
I wouldn’t even call this a “false accusation.” To me, a false accusation is an accusation made to some form of authority. The wife made a claim about your son, and the husband backed her up until your husband showed up. If there was anything to the claim, they would have been glad to see you telling hour husband, because you are both responsible for your son. There is no record of any report, as verified by the Sheriff, so it looks more like they were trying to intimidate you - something they probably wouldn’t have done to your husband.
Brush this off, and go about your business. Document for your own records if you want, but reporting it the HOA might result in retaliation, even if your goal is to find out if anyone else has problems with them
I’d look at it as protecting your son from being the target of any further accusations by neighbors who might be looking for a target, leading to a greater possibility of an escalation. In fact, I wouldn’t let any of your sons pick up the mail for a while. I would do what I could to minimize the chance of putting them in that position. It might be slightly less convenient for you or your H, but if you can pick up the mail a few times a week when you’re leaving or coming home in the car, I think it would be a small price to pay to keep your kids out of it.
What is your son’s side of the story? Does he recall ever having an interaction with their D?
Given that they appear to have lied to you about the police report my own impression is that they made the whole thing up or embellished what might have just been an awkward encounter between 2 teenagers. They were peeved that you confronted them about the noise so they tried to upset you in return.
Don’t ask your son to apologize as he has no reason to do so. I certainly would not attempt to pacify neighbors who are attempting to drag your S into some sort of imagined conflict – they sound a bit off given what you have described. I also would reassign the mail collection responsibility to protect your S.
It seems that the crazy neighbors live at least several houses away (two houses to get to the corner, turn west, proceeds on the sidewalk past about 6 more houses…) Why were you the only person complaining about the noise? Did not it bother all other neighbors?
We live in a world where there are some people who make it sport in destroying others. Its easy to lie and file charges or a lawsuit based on no evidence. Hence, why I recommend you steer clear of this neighbor. HOA’s cannot do anything about this legally speaking. It is one persons word against the other. You dont want other crazies getting any ideas and band together.
The house across the street from us is a rental. We face their backyard. A few years ago a new family moved in. They began improving the backyard, adding outdoor speakers, a tiki bar and a trampoline. Sure enough, they started having loud parties which went late into the night. A neighbor and I went over to speak with them and ask that they keep the noise down after 10 PM. The exchange was cordial. Fast forward a few weeks - our doorbell starts ringing at midnight. Banging on the door. I get up to peek out the door as hubby is sound asleep. It’s the wife from across the street, clearly drunk and yelling for me to come out and talk to her about a noise complaint that was lodged with the police - but not by us. She eventually went home. She left a note in our mailbox profusely apologizing two days later. We never really had a relationship with them after that but at least they kept the noise down!
Sounds like the sheriff is an idiot. He wants a mother to confront loud and rowdy neighbors at midnight?
Someone once said “don’t mess with people who have nothing to lose”. I think this is very good advice in most situations.
Where was the DH? I would never let my wife go confront neighbors at midnight?
I know you are venting but you have received some very good advice here.
“She went on to say that 6 months ago…they called the cops and the cops did a “door to door search” for my son. They know it was my son because…”
But the police have no record. And if they “knew” it was your son, a “random” search wouldn’t be needed. So it does seem made up. So imo you can drop that concern, leave it where it is: nowhere. Don’t involve your son in an apology, i wouldn’t put him anywhere near them, don’t have him walk for the mail.
But you can still CYA. And that’s why I might go to the HOA (is there a friendly ally?) I might just say, I spoke to them about noise, maybe I was wrong about midnight being an issue, but I’m concerned they responded aggressively. That’s not lodging a complaint or “escalating.” If there is an ongoing issue with these folks, you’ve added some input.
Best to you.
I think you should document everything at home, and send it in an email to yourself and your H so it has a time stamp in case something happens in the future and someone questions your documenting. If you have any neighbors you are friendly with, you can tell them about it, as calmly as possible, just to let them know and to have another ear out for trouble.
I think that when police advise you to try to “work things out” with neighbors instead of calling, they are really wishing that they didn’t have to come out for another neighbor dispute or noise complaint. It could be dangerous for you, so it’s best to call the police. I called once and was allowed to leave an anonymous complaint. I don’t think they need to take all your info for something like that, just the info that there was a complaint made at a certain time on a certain date. (my complaint ended up being about an errant 95 dB generator that belonged to a hospital! In a hospital “quiet zone”!)
I agree with this. You’ve already covered yourself by talking to the police.
Other than this, DO NOTHING. Anything you do will escalate the situation.