Go have an appointment with a Nordstrom’s (or Sak’s or wherever is near you and has GREAT stuff) personal salesperson and have them help update your work wardrobe, starting with a GOOD, lovely coat you deserve! The appointment is free and they can help you find things that look great on you! If your coat is 27 years old, chances are excellent that the rest of your wardrobe also needs and deserves updating.
<<<
My idea of a splurge two years ago was getting a root canal done three months after the tooth died (when I woke up several nights in a row in excruciating pain and wanted to kill myself).
I will probably buy a new winter coat; the jacket I bought 27 years ago is starting to embarrass me.
<<<
Get a new coat!!! Don’t you live in a cold area? If so, get two!
And, if there is any other dental work that you need, do it now.
Looking at your past posts, it appears that your able-bodied H has not been contributing to the marriage. This isn’t like a typical one income family where one spouse is working, while the other is taking care of hearth and home. It sounds like hasn’t even been living with you for a few years. I wonder if you can be considered “separated” from the time he moved out? I wonder if that would help you in any way?
how long has he been living elsewhere? with his parents??
During that time, were you having to support him at all (send him money, etc)? If not, that would seem (to me) to suggest that he does have a secret income.
I’d say it’s time for you to consult a GOOD divorce attorney and pre-emptively disqualify those that your spouse might want to retain. Get a better idea of where you stand so you can plan accordingly. Many do NOT charge for a one-hour or so initial consultation to find out what you’re looking at and give you an estimate of their costs.
H is paid by his parents; the amount is enough for him to pay his share of bills (he contributes to health insurance and property taxes and certain expenses of our daughters). However, he is underpaid compared to what his parents would have to pay someone not related to them. He does not support me, financially, logistically, or emotionally, otherwise. It is a very complicated situation and not getting better. I don’t think H is actively attempting to mess up my life. But he’s not actively trying to not mess it up either. Passivity and neglect are the key words.
I do live in a cold place. I definitely will be getting a new jacket. It’s just kind of hard to make the transition to spending money on myself after years (almost two decades) of having to pinch pennies.
Perhaps blepharoplasty?
@Madison85, I looked that up (I didn’t know what the word meant), and I have to say, “No. Ouch!”
Tummy tuck? Breast lift?
What major expenses might you be facing in the next few years? How old is your car? Is the root canaled tooth crowned? You need and deserve high quality boots to go with that coat, dress and everyday. Given your spending habits, they will last you for decades.
At a point you may be dating again. What do you want to look like at that point? Set yourself up to become that person. I was going to say life coaching, as you are facing so many changes. However, CC can give you a taste of that function!
I do agree that IRAs for both of you are a very good idea, and show good faith in the process of dissolving your marriage. Only you can decide if this feels right or not.
I think I can show a reasonable amount of good faith but contributing to my husband’s retirement assets doesn’t feel right to me. The value of his retirement accounts and pension is about 3 times the value of my IRAs and 401k. I’ll show fairness to him in other ways.
Know someone who bought a few thousand dollars of travelers checks and hid them away. No one was the wiser. Legit? I don’t know.
If he has more assets than you for retirement, forget that idea!
If you haven’t updated your coat, I’d suggest doing all the wardrobe and house fix-ups now. I’d also hire people to do the lawn and house cleaning, as you are too busy working full time. Someone else suggested a new car, which I think makes sense.
Definitely explore a new car so you have reliable transportation to go to and from your job, especially as you’ll be working extra hours and having car trouble would interfere with that additional income.
rosered, it sounds like you are in good shape. Your husband has retirement accounts of which you’ll probably be given half the value in the final accounting.
Judges certainly do impute income to those not working up to their potential. Want to retire early? Fine, but the court will look at it as if you are still earning a respectable income. Many years ago, one of the supreme court justices in Oregon was involved in a nasty nasty nasty child support matter. He basically abandoned his ex-wife and 4 kids to the point they were homeless and ill because they were poor. Off to court they finally went and the court said it was fine if he only wanted to make $50k as a justice, but he had the ability to be a partner in a big firm making north of $150k (long time ago) and the court awarded child support based on that imputed income. I think spousal support was thrown in too. If Mr. Wonderful had made any attempt to support his family on his justice salary, I think the judge would have been sympathetic and looked at the fact that he was making a life choice to serve but make less, but since he’d been a jerk, no mercy.
[QUOTE=""]
The value of his retirement accounts and pension is about 3 times the value of my IRAs and 401k. <<<
[/QUOTE]
Oh good, then you can ask for half of those. What line of work did he used to do?
6k won’t go that far. I’d get a house cleaner, yard person, get yourself fixed up…need to straighten your teeth? That’s 5k, lasix is about that as well. What about a new bed, bedding, etc? I could spend 6k on clothes in an hour…lol
Twoinanddone is right. Judges often impute income. I have a friend whose ex essentially quite working 23 months before filing. (In GA, the last two years of wages are used to calculate certain support.) The Judge was having none of that and used the previous two years when he was working, plus an average amount of growth, to assess support. Do
Have you met with an attorney? If not, this is probably the time to do it. Many will do a free consultation, but if the ones you are interested in don’t, or you want more time use this extra money for that. In some states, you can have a legal seperation at which point your income, etc, from that point on is all yours.
@rosered55, you know - and I really mean this - I think you should take a little of that extra $$ and meet with a lawyer NOW about your situation and possible future situation with your husband. Let a lawyer tell you things to be aware of now. Protect yourself and your hard earned $$$. Please consider this. I think it would be money well spent.
Good point. Perhaps you find a good lawyer and use the money to pay for the divorce. I’m sure any lawyer would take it on retainer.
If you are not ready for divorce, that’s ok, but you have mentioned your situation before and honestly, I just want to see you come out the winner in this and not be taken. Meeting with a lawyer - even if you have not made the decision to divorce - just seems like a good idea given all the components of you and your husband’s relationship.