<p>Well, its great that you wanted to do something nice for your daughter… but I guess you’ll know for the future not to rely on hotel desks. Text messages will get through even if a phone is turned off – they are held for delivery later on. (I don’t know the technology – I just know that the kid will get the message when they switch on the phone). If the phone has email capability - its the same there. </p>
<p>I did have a situation this past summer where I didn’t hear from my daughter for awhile, maybe a couple of days, and it dawned on me that I didn’t have a clue as to what city or even what country she was supposed to be in. She was traveling around Europe on her own - Italy, Hungary, Austria, Germany, etc. --and I realized that if she turned up missing, I wouldn’t even know where to start looking. That’s when I asked her to at least send one daily email, text message or tweet to let me know she was alive. (And very often that’s all I got – a text message, “I’m alive.”) But I started to make a point of asking where she was going next, and if she knew the name of the hostel where she was staying – just so I’d have that info if needed. </p>
<p>We do have a joint checking account, so like speihei I can also track my kid by the ATM withdrawals. The joint account was actually set up before she went to Russia for the first time in high school – its just makes it easy for me to transfer money to her if necessary, and I also like to keep an eye on the account in case of unauthorized withdrawals. ( I’ve heard a few horror stories about credit card fraud for travelers - though we’ve never had a problem)</p>
<p>(And very often that’s all I got – a text message, “I’m alive.”</p>
<p>My daughters phone didn’t have text- but she would sure prefer that if it did.</p>
<p>I emphatize with you oldfort.</p>
<p>When D was a world away in Ghana, I didn’t worry about her( as much) because she not only was with her high school class and teachers, but one of her best friends who is one of the most mature and responsible people I have ever met was keeping a blog of their adventures. </p>
<p>However, a year later when she went to India by herself, and I couldn’t get a hold of her or anyone who could confirm where she was- although I realized that cell phones only worked in limited areas ( and you need a new SIM card for each region, an expense she wasn’t interested in pursuing- cause * she knew* she was OK ), it made me so nervous I applied for a passport, in case I had to go looking for her.</p>
<p>For me it wasn’t just that she was somewhere where I couldn’t reach her ( although the volunteer organization that she had been working with were very helpful), it was that she was so young ( she turned 19 towards the end of her stay) and had all the invincibility of that age.</p>
<p>I did manage to get a checking account set up with her dad before she left so I could check on her that way- otherwise we wouldn’t have known that she was paying hundreds of dollars in overweight baggages charges when traveling! I finally managed to get her to mail the stuff back home instead of dragging it all over the place.</p>
<p>Both D’s are in college and travel fairly often - in the US and out. They try to call to note arrivals but not always possible if not in US. One just called to say she made it back to campus, nearly missed the bus but didn’t…I do like to know when they are back in 1 piece. Once they are out of college I don’t think I expect the same thing. They are on their own but for now its still more of a parent thing. My mother would like me to call her, still !</p>
<p>I absolutely think EVERY parent who has a child studying abroad should have a passport, whether the child has a working cell phone or not. If something happens to them (as quickly as stepping off of a curb and being hit by a car), and they need you, you won’t want to be in a position of expediting a passport, aside from the fact that expediting a passport costs a TON of money.</p>
<p>D2 was in summer school this summer (her school is 770 miles away). July 3rd, she showed up at our house at 8:30AM, totally unexpected, telling us, “I wanted to surprise you and come home for the Fourth.” She made this decision to drive home ,all by herself, about an hour and a half before she left… at 9 fricking o’clock at night. She had no ATM card (had lost it two weeks prior and the new one hadn’t arrived), and no credit card. I had wired some money to her earlier in the week to hold her over until her new card came, but had she had some sort of car trouble (oh, yea, she was driving an 11-year old car with 130,000 miles on it, but to be fair, it’s a Camry). UGH! This is a child who had never driven in the city of Chicago until three weeks prior when she’d flown home with a friend. Thankfully she has a GPS in the car. Of course everyone told me it’s a good thing she ‘surprised’ us; otherwise we would have been up worrying all night. I will say that one of her friends at school made her promise to call her everytime she stopped for anything (gas, bathroom, food) to let her know where she was. To top it off, she turned around and drove back two days later in time to get back for the 2nd summer term. Not much rest for the weary. She made the trip one-way, one more time a couple of weeks ago, to return her car to home because she’s now in London for the semester. Last I heard from her, via skype on Wednesday, she was still having problems activating the phone that one of her friends who studied abroad last year gave her. </p>
<p>So yea, oldfort, I know what it’s like to worry when a kid is traveling! D1 would have never driven that distance by herself (even in a new car); would have never traveled without a credit card or ATM card, would have bought a new phone had the freebie given to her not worked, etc.</p>
<p>I have asked my college kids to keep in touch and they do when they can although sometimes they can’t. My daughter was in an accident in another country and I found out after she was back in this country and able to contact me for help. </p>
<p>In my first career I was a nurse at a busy inner city hospital ICU. Occasionally we’d admit a patient who was confused or in a coma from an accident or mugging and had no ID. We named them Jane Doe or John Doe until we could find the family or they could tell us their name. There is one John Doe I will never forget. He did not know who he was and we never could find his family. (I don’t know what eventually happened to him.)</p>
<p>As a family, we are now STARTING to contact to say, "We arrived (at destination or back “home).” It’s not all that consistent and we do get calls & call out if there is some delay or problem, just to alleviate worry. For all of us in this family, no news is good news. I often don’t find out about S’s trips until a while after the fact, but that works for us & him (he is a college senior). D is slightly better about keeping in touch–often needs money & will incidentally mention plans.</p>
<p>My mother has always said, “Why do I need to know? I’m sure if something happens, someone will contact me.” </p>
<p>Last week, my in-laws called - saw the Atlanta flooding on TV, and wanted to know that we were okay. A couple days later, I had a missed call from my mom, and returned it, assuming she was also checking in. She said no, she had hit the wrong button on the phone. And no, she didn’t even know it was raining in Atlanta.</p>
<p>I am the worrier in my family. I hate to fly, although I’ve had to do enough of it. My kids humor me and send texts before and after each leg of the flight. And not every trip has gone well - D stranded out west somewhere when she missed a connection. S flying all over the US trying to get to Korea (you may remember that one.) And there was the time in Germany when my S took a wrong train and ended up stranded in the middle of the night, not speaking the language. It’s amazing that I don’t need a wig by now.</p>
<p>I think my kids will end up like my mother. They say they don’t need to do any worrying because I do enough for everyone.</p>
<p>Oldfort - I hope your D is having the time of her life.</p>
<p>D#1 is our traveller and the worst about communicating. We have more or less agreed that we will hear from her when she arrives at her destination (I’m speaking of international travel). The problem is what she sees as “soon” may not be for a day or two after she gets there. She travelled alone to China and connections we knew her connections were iffy after she got to Beijing. Her end destination was a couple hours away by a shuttle airline. It took her two days to get around to letting us know she was OK. That 4:45 a.m. phone call on Mother’s Day was the best present I ever got. She was traveling alone and was 18 and didn’t see why we should be worried.</p>
<p>Yes, she is having a time of her life. I want to be her. When we were younger it was much harder and expensive to travel. Now, with lower airfare and better communication it is much easier for our kids to travel. They don’t think it’s a big deal to go to a complete foreign country by themselves. I think it is great.</p>
<p>zoeydoggie - you have a very adventuresome daughter. How often do you need to dye your hair? Or do you have any hair left? :)</p>
<p>Can totally relate! I’m sure you want your D to be independent and have a great time, but I bet you’ll be very happy when she sitting in your kitchen. haha </p>
<p>Just got off of skype with my D in Switzerland. It appears she may have shingles, of all things! She seems to have all the symptoms. </p>
<p>So this is another big fear when your kid is traveling–illness!</p>
<p>Yea, that has always been a big concern of mine. Fortunately, our kids didn’t tell us about any illnesses they had while travelling (they only admitted it after the fact, when they were well again). </p>
<p>I was the same way & NEVER told my parents I was ever ill or had mono or food poisoning until I was hale & hearty again. My thought was they couldn’t do much/anything to help so why worry them. They never indicated they were upset that I hadn’t told them & my mom was a great worrier anyway, even without me giving her more to worry about.</p>
<p>morrismom,
Shingles can range from very mild to quite painful.<br>
If your D has had symptoms just recently, have her get some Valtrex or similar anti-viral. It can make a HUGE difference–when I took it for my shingles, it saved my untold pain that both hubby & D had when they had shingles but were diagnosed too late to take it.</p>
<p>On Thursday afternoon we all get in the car to drive S to Boston to get plane to Europe for term abroad. He suddenly exclaims,“Oh! I have to get something!” Stops car, which is part way down driveway, hops out, and dashes into house. I follow because I have just realized that I left my cell phone in the kitchen. </p>
<p>Turns out that S returned to house to get HIS PASSPORT!!!</p>
<p>My worst nightmare would be driving 2 1/2 hours to Logan only to realize when it was too late to go back that he had NO PASSPORT!!!</p>
<p>The fact that he has not sent the promised every-Sunday email saying, at least, “I’m fine” pales in comparison to the bullet already dodged. (I assumed that he would figure that the first Sunday “doesn’t count.” Or he may not have WIFI in his homestay.)</p>
<p>Definitely jump on the med thing for shingles, though. There is reportedly a brief window during which taking meds can make a BIG difference in the severity of the attack.</p>
<p>As a military spouse, I had no choice but to train myself to believe that no news is good news. If my kid was not a hotel I thought he was staying at, I’d assume he’d switched hotels or was sleeping on the floor of a new friend. Also, I’m not overly thrilled with the idea that anyone could call that hotel and confirm he was staying there. </p>
<p>However, as with my husband, I am very clear that a brief call home every few days or week will prevent endless checking in by me once that agreed upon date passes.</p>
<p>My biggest fear is that he will be in an accident or attacked, left alone and in pain. But the only way to avoid that would be for him to never leave the home. So I let it go and I let him go.</p>
<p>My D is the one who is always forgetting things. She left her charger & her purse with ID in the house where we stayed last Feb. She was able to sneak thru TSA & United by claiming she was under 18 (she looks it) & was being accompanied by her older brother. We rushed back & returned with her purse & the charger she didn’t know she left behind! Two months later, she left behind her charger on the East Coast when she was there for Spring Break (never got it back). At least this month’s trip she didn’t forget anything!</p>
<p>I still remember being groggily awoken by a phone call at some ungodly hour when I was home alone with two toddlers. H’s work was calling, asking if they could speak with him. I was pretty annoyed as I didn’t even remember what country he had been sent to for work and when he was expected to return & told them as much before hanging up & drifting off to sleep. When I finally reached him, he was fine and didn’t understand why they would have called our home. (At that period of time in our lives, he was travelling quite a bit, sometimes for up to 5 weeks at a time.)</p>
<p>Kate,
I greatly admire the bravery of our military families and thank you all for the tremendous sacrifices you make for all our safety.</p>
<p>Thanks for the info about shingles folks. We’ve told her to get into a doctor tomorrow asap. We do not know how the Swiss system works. We told her to go to an ER if necessary. From what we have read, and you guys have said, she needs medical attention sooner rather than later.</p>
<p>PROMPT medical attention for shingles can make the difference between a mild annoyance to needing narcotic or at least prescription pain killers to handle the pain. Both hubby & D have pretty high pain threshholds & th ended up needing some Rx pain meds for their respective courses of shingles. Sometimes, it can cause pain for many years after the acute onset. Do urge your D to get medical attention 1st thing Monday, at the latest.</p>
<p>HImom, Thank you. That’s very kind. I’m very proud to call myself a military spouse. I am in awe of the military spouses of the past who went months and even years without communication. I equally admire the young military families who must struggle with finances in addition to military life.</p>
<p>Kate, I agree about the military spouses with the long separations! My H is a National Guardsman currently in Iraq. Before anyone gets too in awe, let me be quick to say that he is not patrolling the streets of Fallujah, kicking in doors and waving his M-16 around. He is an old guy and is on a secure base where he makes phone calls from his air conditioned cubicle and goes to lots of meetings (which he assures me is nearly as dangerous as patrolling Fallujah!). We talk on Skype nearly every day. Anyway, a sweet older lady came up to me at church and said, “Oh, sweetheart, I know just what you’re going through. My husband went to WWII!” I was quick to tell her that I don’t think she and I have gone through much of the same thing!</p>
<p>As for the kids and traveling, I was very relieved to get a facebook message from S1 last night saying he had arrived safely at his hostel in Tamarindo, Costa Rica. I was nervous because he was taking a Publico (a public bus) for the 6 hour trip from San Jose to Tamarindo during the rainy season (and the rainy season seems to be a big deal from what I read online). Also, you have to catch the bus in a very seedy part of town and there were lots of warnings online about being on your guard at the bus station. I suggested a private bus company, but he replied, “Mom, the Publico is only $6!”</p>
<p>The week before, when he was in Puerto Rico, he texted me: “Whew! Barely made my flight due to good Samaritan picking me up!” What??? Turns out he took the bus to the airport, only he didn’t realize the bus dropped him across a busy highway from the airport and there was no way to cross. He stuck out his thumb and a professor from a university there picked him up. He sighed and told S, “Well, I will probably be late for work now.” S apologized and thanked him, and the prof said, “It’s okay. I am late many times.” :)</p>
<p>Oldfort, I’d have had a heart attack, for sure.</p>
<p>Timely, a friend of my older D’s is a non-com Marine officer, & amputee, who returned to Iraq.
When I was worried about her sister, I just reminded myself about what his parents have gone through, although he is now mostly relegated to desk jobs.
But still.</p>
<p>( Of course being older & a boy matters too, especially in some parts of the world- but my D has the look that can stun if not kill and aside from having her wallet/cell phone stolen when she first arrived and getting ill from the heat she did remarkably well-
I am just glad that I didn’t hear stories about her driving a scooter in India until after she got home in one piece. She doesn’t even have a license to drive in US!)</p>
We talk on Skype nearly every day. Anyway, a sweet older lady came up to me at church and said, “Oh, sweetheart, I know just what you’re going through. My husband went to WWII!” I was quick to tell her that I don’t think she and I have gone through much of the same thing!</p>