S20 keeps a tight grip on the pipeline for conversation. Have never, ever had a conversation about HS academics. Not a word. Once college planning began early junior year and it occurred to him that his savings account was not going to cover college, we had to be brought into the conversation.
Once a baseline was established (GC meeting led to list of parameters and preliminary college list), info now is shared only on a need-to-know basis. And that goes only one way - from him to us. This only includes some movement on or off the college research list. Or involves a request involving credit card security codes. Our opinions on anything are irrelevant. Occasionally the vice grip on the pipeline is opened up to allow a single question from one of his parents, but this is allowable only if it involves his obtaining something of importance, like ‘would you rather fly to College X in the morning or evening?’ Any question which is not of that nature is immediately shut down.
My older kids call me almost daily worth critical issues like…’how do you hide nail holes from the wall when you move out?’ Questions like that we are entrusted with. ‘How should I spend potentially a couple hundred thousand dollars of my parents money in choosing where I will spend the next four years of my life and launch my career?’ Nope, we don’t make the cut on that one.