My parent’s paid for a couple of Thanksgiving week vacations/family reunions on St. Johns. We went the whole week when my kids were young. But when my oldest got to high school we didn’t take extra days. The one other time we took an extended trip was when my husband got invited to a conference in Japan that overlapped with spring break. We took an extra week and did Japan. No regrets. We spoke to the teachers ahead of time who asked them to keep journals. The oldest was in middle school and they really didn’t miss anything crucial. I never let them take mental health days and they used to complain I’d wait two or three days before seeing if the sore throat was anything to worry about. Only one strep throat between the two of them in 29 years.
Going back to OP’s question, a few years ago my younger son applied to the New England boarding school in our town because one of his best friends was going to attend it (free of charge because a parent taught there). Despite living near it for years I had never set foot on the campus. When we visited we were blown away at its stunning beauty, utter perfection, reeked of money. The headmaster addressed us and mentioned how his son had graduated from the school and then went on to Harvard, from which the headmaster had also graduated. The school admitted my son but wanted us to pay more for him to attend as a day student than we paid for our older child to attend a private residential college, so we declined. But I have never forgotten the obscene advantage of being both the son of a prep school headmaster and a legacy in getting into Harvard. I think Harvard should be ashamed.
“But I have never forgotten the obscene advantage of being both the son of a prep school headmaster and a legacy in getting into Harvard. I think Harvard should be ashamed.”
Sure, those are advantages but do you know if he was otherwise qualified or not?
All the most selective colleges take students with legacies and connections. Always have.
I don’t thjnk Harvard needs to be ashamed of considering legacy status for SOME spots. Legacies May have been contributing annually to the school for years. That kind of loyalty and commitment should at least be acknowledged by an extra read if the application if it’s close. I am quite sure that ALL legacies admitted are qualified. Harvard doesn’t want to A legacy kid if they think they will fail out of school. These schools get FAR more qualified applicants than they can take. Having several different priority piles helps narrow down the selection. Otherwise, how would you choose 5% out of, day, 50% well-qualified applicants?
Just stinks when your own kid isn’t in a priority group. That’s how I felt about my son; my daughter was the opposite. So I guess, even in my own household, it balanced out. It’s just personal because I love both kids and know they are both great. But obviously, there are a whole lot more boys like my son interested in his particular major, with similar or even better qualifications. My daughter is “atypical” in her interests, and that gave her “diversity” status. My son is interested in something more “typical” for boys Like him, so his application didn’t get a priority sort. At least, that’s how I imagine it went down.
This is all about motivation and willingness to work hard, if these things are missing nothing matters. By the way about genetics, in my 60 years life span I have seen many many brilliant Afro American, Asian, Mexican, white kids. All kids are born with same Intellegence but home environment affects a lot maybe lack of money, parents not present, or simply parents do jot understand. But beauty is, people can still overcome if they have desire to succeed. Motivation is most important factor, nothing else matters.
USA is a dream place for so many immigrants because it is one of the place in the world that is much fair as compare to orher countries. Rags to riches is a true story here played often. Love USA and it’s folks.
Through kids, we meet many folks who are very successful and they did not go even attend any college. Their motivation and stories are breathtakingly beautiful and an inspiration to our family.
Think about us when we came to USA, barely spoke English, may not be perfect and not very well understood, but have learned how to express our views.
My pups attend(ed) elite schools (Columbia and Stanford). While DH and I were good students, cum laude at a top100 school), we were certainly not the best nor the brightest of our class. We made sacrifices (my staying home during their early years) and shared our love of learning with them. We did pull them out of elementary school for vacations during the school year - it was incredibly cheaper to get a Disney vacation in October and it coincided with conferences DH had to attend for work.
We had (still have) lots of books and games all around the house.
They attended a suburban public high school where about 75% of kids go on to college.
We never punished them for bad grades nor did we reward them for good grades - other than the report card got stuck on the fridge. We did bring the report cards to ChuckECheese for the free tokens for every A.
We never checked homework - I remember a third grade project where we asked to “help”, but our pups wanted to work hard and do well for its own sake. Self-motivation is real.
We have never contributed to our own Alma Mater. Our finances took a big hit when I got sick and could not return to the work force.
We did not pay for test prep nor private tutoring because our pups didn’t need it - nor could we have afforded it. We picked up a second hand copy of a SAT practice book at our library used book sale. They got perfect test scores. They were valedictorians.
I would love to claim credit for everything they did right. I am sure we did not do everything “right” as parents and I am sure we will make more mistakes in our remaining years. We recognize that their success is due to their own efforts.
We recognize that there was a lot of good luck involved.
3puppies great post, parents do not get admitted to college, kids do
“It would be more surprising if one kid goes to an ivy and his little brother goes to a community college.”
This happens quite a bit, esp for families not on CC who are ok with their kids attending community college. One reason for sure is financial, the older kid’s college costs have drained the money, and the family may have to wait till the older one has graduated. Second is that kids are different and mature at different rates, some are achievement oriented, others more laid back, so they will attend different kinds of colleges. Even in the same family, some siblings will define themselves by the college they attend, other siblings won’t.
Re the Ivy and community college, my best friend in college went to grad school in an MIT PhD program (he dropped out, made millions, and owns a home on the Pacific coast, but that is another story). I have known many, many bright people, but to this day, he is the brightest I have ever known.
His brother attended a community college briefly and ended up working as a cashier at Wal-Mart. On the other hand, my best friend’s parents wanted my friend to attend a community college as well, as they never quite understood the purpose of studying anything more. What a waste that would have been.
Ok, but the conventional wisdom on CC is that high SES, educated parents, decent ECs is not a shoe in to any of the top universities…so how is it that these are the very same factors that people are pointing to for getting multiple siblings into top universities?
I will accept that for lower income families being able to overcome lack of resources to get great grades, great SATs, etc will point very strongly to later admission into top schools. And if a family can support one sibling having those achievements, then most likely they can support the rest of the siblings as well. Same would be true for an URM family - high achievement plus URM would tend to lead to admission to top schools.
But for higher income families…the grades, the SATs and even the ECs seem to be a given. So why is it that one family with those stats can’t get one kid into those schools, but other families can get 2-3 kids in?
CValle, there are just as many examples (and likely more) of kid number 1 getting in to Amherst to study history, kid number 2 going to NYU for a performing arts program, and kid number 3 going to RPI. All high achievers, but different interests and different ways of expressing high achievement.
^^In answer to Cvalle’s question, I can only speak for myself and my family. I didn’t “get” 2 kids in; I brought up 2 kids who were intensely intellectually curious and thought about stuff all the time, just for the joy of it. For them, the grades and SATs and to some extent the ECs were the side effects of that mindset, not the building blocks carefully fostered to “get” them into particular schools. I don’t know if that entirely answers your question. But it’s the only way I ever knew to parent.
I was actually surprised to learn that many parents on MIT parents FB are alumni as well and have multiple kids attending. MIT doesn’t do legacy admission.
I was just going to post the same thing.
My kids aren’t interested in any top schools, but I have noticed from reading here and on another online group that some families can’t get their high stats kids into any elites while others get their kid accepted multiple elites or have several kids attending elite schools. I find it very interesting, and I was glad to see a theead about it.
The answers people are giving - we value education, we help them explore their interests, etc. - don’t seem to be all that unique, yet the accomplishment is very unique.
I do think there is something special these families are doing that they may not be able to convey in a way others understand.
For example, we homeschool, and my kids are very self-directed. They are very independent, and once they’re reading well, they mostly don’t need or want my help. When asked, I’ve tried to explain to other homeschoolers how came we operate this way, even giving specific details of our day to day lives, but it just doesn’t seem to translate.
I think sometimes there is a unique blend of who the parents are and who the kids are that produces a certain result that other families may not be able to replicate.
I’m wondering how common this really is outside of CC because most families I know have some kids being more academically inclined than others. I am attending a school that many of you would call “elite” and my older sister is attending a good school that would definitely not be considered “elite.” This seems to be the norm for most students I meet here.
Just adding data.
Between dh and I, we have one college degree, ha-ha, from local state university (dh dropped out of school and works a blue collar job). We would be considered low income for the CC crowd. The year my middle son applied, he got Pell Grant.
Our older two kids did well in college admissions.
Eldest got into all his schools including Princeton, Penn, MIT, Caltech, Mudd, etc. Graduated from MIT. He was just a really unique kid: super extrovert, very quick learner, homeschooled so was able to follow his intense passions for math, physics, chess, baseball, music. Was able to take bunches of college classes, do research, etc.
Middle son was way less accomplished with lots of learning and health (both physical and mental) issues. He still did surprisingly well and did get into an Ivy. Wasn’t a good fit. He is intensely creative and talented in music and storytelling/verbal skills/game design ideas. Is very introverted, but he followed his interests (homeschooled as well) and was an unusual applicant. More of a dabbler except for cello, which he’d done since age 5. Naturally tested well (not as well as his brother) and was a total overcomer.
Local schools would have been a disaster; their SAT scores were about 1000 points higher than the average SAT (that’s not a typo). Homeschooling helped allow them to pursue their interests.
I am sure that genetics and assertive mating plays a part – but there is some family expectations and dynamics that also come into play.
There is an extended family example: There are 10 cousins from 4 siblings (a 5 th sibling had no children) The age spread amongst the cousins is 8 years. 2 of the 10 went to a private HS, others went to public HS. The cousins attended (roughly in order of age) Harvey Mudd, Scripps, UPenn, Boston College, Va Tech, Macalester (did not finish), Grinnell, Harvard, Rice, and U Puget Sound. After completion of undergrads, some continued, and there is one DVM, one MD, one PhD, and 2 other PhDs in process. There isn’t any competitiveness among the families, so there wasn’t a sense of one-upmanship, but there was a definite expectation to go to good schools.